All-Star Criminals

Chicken Pox Charlie Cements Status As Resident West Boylston Gangsta By Threatening Someone With A Toy Gun In Middle Of Town Common 

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It might be Thursday but it’s never too late to celebrate West Boylston Wigga Wednesday’s…..

Chicken Pox Charlie is as hardcore as it gets, so obviously we all know who his favorite sportball team’s gonna be right?

I mean, it’s just guarantee at this point.

Although you do get bonus ratchet points if you rock extra Chicago Bulls gear with a bootleg chain that doubles as an anchor.

He be reppin that Old Stone Church gang…..

And everyone knows they don’t play. Some people get forced to go there for their engagement photos. Others go there for hoodbooger glamour shots.

Don’t let the acne and pale complexion fool you though – he’s a certified gangsta white boy….

Oh snap, don’t fuck with Chicken Pox Charlie – he’s armed and ready to shoot his squirt gun if you fuck with the wrong one. That’s the part I don’t get – why would he drive all the way to Worcester to dispose of a fake gun on a Honey Farms roof? It’s not real dude. You don’t have to get rid of the evidence. You’re not actually a real gangsta. Granted, you might’ve been the most rebellious kid walking the halls of West Boylston High a couple years back. Coming to class late WITHOUT A PASS from a teacher!! Forgetting to do your homework and shit. But ultimately you’re just West Boylston hard, which is about as hard as I get when I’m looking at the Fall River Guttermuppet’s 2018 swimwear collection.

And no junior hoodrat starter package would be complete if he also didn’t own a….

That’s so weird. I took him for a border collie kind of guy. Never would’ve thought that a winner like this would be into pit bulls.

Here’s a thought Herbie Herpes – if you’re gonna get in a domestic dispute and pretend to have a gun, don’t do it right in the middle of town, at this God forsaken intersection:

I’ve written entire blogs sitting at that red light. There’s a billion people going through there. There’s a Honey Farms, a church, a library, a gazebo, a funeral home, and a partridge in a pear tree. It’s literally the worst spot in town to pull a fake gun on someone.

Shockingly Chicken Pox Charlie is no stranger to the courthouse records…

Oh snap!! He be selling weed AND trespassing!! Can’t hold him down!

Don’t get it twisted though – he blessed…

Blessed because Noxzema is on sale at the West Boylston Walmart.

According to this woman, who seems to be a well intentioned relative, he can be anything he dreams to be if he just picks up his boot straps…

But she doesn’t seem to be a fan of his hoodrat quotes, such as “I ain’t a killer but don’t push me, revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting pussy 100 emoji”:

He ain’t a killer, but if you push him hard enough he might bust out the super soaker. We’ll see who’s laughing then.

Also under that comment thread was a classic Facebook beef between his stepmother Haley, and his grandmother Sandra Dean, who apparently hates her and blames Haley for the death of her son Greg. And their Facebook beefs are way more entertaining then my family Thanksgivings could ever dream of being…

Poor Chicken Pox Charlie. It’s not easy breaking up Facebook beefs over which in law polished whose pole for heroin while sitting in a jail cell.

According to Grandma, before her son passed away he was planning on leaving Haley because she allegedly got caught “fucking for your next fix”:

No way. I don’t believe a chicken dinner like this would ever bang someone for heroin.

Ever.

And based off of that I think it’s fair to say that this won’t be Chicken Pox Charlie’s last time being featured on Turtleboy.

5 Comment(s)
  • whatevuh
    June 14, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    A West Boylston wigga, now that’s funny as hell !!

  • Jack
    June 14, 2018 at 5:39 pm

    West Boylston, obviously it’s going down too. He’s a bad omen for things to come in the future.

  • British TG
    June 14, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    Wait…… Is he also fucking his stepmum?

  • Rick Shaw
    June 14, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    This meth monkey looks like someone stepped on his face with golf spikes. When he overdoses I hope there’s no Narcan around.

  • Screw PC
    June 14, 2018 at 12:07 pm

    ATTENTION BLACK PEOPLE:

    We think it would have been great if the cops opened fire on this prick like they did to Tamir Rice. You have our permission to correct this error yourselves, and none of us will see anything.

    Sincerely as fuck,

    White People Without Criminal Records Who Work For A Living

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