All-Star Criminals

Chicopee Chudbanger Posts CPD Mugshot Of Himself On Facebook From Day Time Drunken Arrest For Prank Calling Firefighters, Playing Ghetto Frogger, Laughs At The Haters Because Life Is Going So Well

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There are losers, and then there is this:

I remember crank calls back when I was 14. Good times.

Ya know life is going well for you when a typical Thursday afternoon consists of getting drunk, wasting taxpayer funded first responder resources by pretending your Mom’s house (AKA your house) is on fire, and then aimlessly playing ghetto Frogger while shouting “fuck the police” and throwing your headphones at oncoming traffic.

Just another Thursday in Chicopee.

He had a good run though. He almost made it a full 7 weeks without making it onto the Chicopee Police Department’s Facebook page for being the town drunk:

Police arrested a 25-year-old city resident who is accused of stealing several signs, a bundle of newspapers and coffee from a convenience store.

The officer accompanied the man to the corner of the store where he found a bundle of newspapers and a laminated real estate sign, both later determined to be stolen. A witness then told police he saw the suspect walking with a bus stop sign that had been ripped from a pole.

“While speaking to our officers he (Timber) began to yell and get very loud, referring to our officers as ‘Papa,'” Wilk said. “He turned toward Officer Hevey and began clenching and making a fist.”

Yup. He has a tendency to spend his days going down to the corner store all sauced up, drinking free coffee he has no intention of paying for, and starting a hoodrat paper route. Just a reminder, he is 25 years old. Not 14.

Well, at least he looks like he’s making progress. He hasn’t stolen any laminated real estate signs lately. He might still be rocking the unwashed poop colored hoodie, but he’s got a new white t-shirt now, so I guess you could say things are looking pretty, pretty good right about now.

Shockingly this chudbanger has a tendency to spend his days sharing his cop block legal advice:

Sorry, ladies, he’s actually taken.

Oh, and he wisely decided to share his own public shaming on his Facebook page because……once you’ve reached this point in life what does anything really matter?

Let the good times roll!!

At least his most recent cell buddy James seems to be impressed with his collection of Google trophies. Oh, and he’s got a nickname in the clink:

Tiber the Tiger. The special tiger that was abandoned by its mother and raised at a Sri Lankan whorehouse.

Turns out we don’t know the REAL story:

Yea guys, he has a very good job and lives in Colorado. Which is why his listed address is Mom’s house, and he seems to have time to day drink Dianne Williamson style, pretty much any day he chooses.

He’s got an awesome motto though – “If cops wanna be dickheads to be Im gonna be a dickhead right back.” Hey chudbanger, $20 says you won’t get that tattooed on your ass during your next day time bender. You won’t.

He’s right though, we weren’t there. I’m sure there was a perfectly reasonable explanation as to why he called 911 and told them his mom’s house was on fire, and then proceeded to wander into traffic while throwing his Shaw’s brand headphones at actual productive people on their way home from work. Could happen to anyone. We weren’t there. Only God can judge frfr!!

Most of his friends and associates had the sense to tell him what a maroon he was being, but as it turns out it was actually Tiber lilly who was embarrassed for them:

Stop while you’re ahead kid! Sit back and get lectured by the guy whose idea of fun is harassing the local Indian dude who sells him his Parliament Lights.

For other haters he was not so kind:

Yea, all you “retards” will be stuck in this “shithole city” forever. You’ll never live the glamorous life of the Chicopee Chudbanger. He goes to exotic places like Holyoke, Springfield, and maybe even Ludlow if he can scrounge up enough gas money.

Nice guy though. Threatening to have girls sexually assaulted by his imaginary “farm boy” friends in Colorado. He certainly has built himself up into something!

Oh, and I’m pretty sure if that guy criticizing you is taking it up the poopshot from the police, he’s no longer in the closet. Just sayin.

Anyway, the sex appeal just oozes out of this one:

The chinstrap. The tight fade. The next tatooes. This is like a Deskie wet dream. And you can’t even imagine how wet Abi would get if she saw him on court days!

Hot!!

Anyway, since he lives in Colorado now and has a family and a job out there this is probably the last we’ll heard from.

LOL. Just kidding. Same time next week. See ya on the CPD Facebook page!

10 Comment(s)
  • Marilyn Manson
    April 21, 2018 at 5:41 pm

    I’m starting to appreciate tattoos more and more. I understand why lawyers want them covered up. Not everyone who has a tattoo is stupid, but everyone who is stupid has a tattoo.

  • Hughbo Mont
    April 21, 2018 at 12:40 pm

    Calling a bar and asking to speak to Mike Hunt is a prank call.

  • NR
    April 20, 2018 at 7:04 pm

    He’s taken? But hey, he supports Syria! Head on over there Tony and give your support to Assad.

  • The Vorlon
    April 20, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    They missed charging him with public intoxication. Open and gross stupidity would work too.

  • Uncle Randy
    April 20, 2018 at 6:22 pm

    The penis haircut is the tell tale sign of a dumb fuck.

  • Screw PC
    April 20, 2018 at 3:05 pm

    Throw gasoline on that cocksucker and set fire to him.

    Then grab his phone, call the cops and say “He’s all set” and hang up.

    • panzer9811
      April 24, 2018 at 11:25 am

      HAHAHA! YEAH MAN!!!!!!
      I like the way you think.
      I’ll bring the gas!

  • Citypoint
    April 20, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    Chico pee

  • z
    April 20, 2018 at 2:52 pm

    Not a fancy house, but all the houses in the neighborhood look neat and presentable (Google Maps) and personal knowledge of the area.
    .
    I would kind of gather from that, that Mom isn’t a dipshit but hopes he grows up and changes his tune.

    You have to be mentally challenged to think you are sticking it to the man.

    • Too Tall Tim
      April 20, 2018 at 3:46 pm

      Perhaps Mom isn’t a total dipshit, but I’m pretty sure she smoked and drank while pregnant.

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