All-Star Criminals

Chicopee Superskag Defends Her Honor On Facebook After Being Arrested For DUI, Crashing Into Cars, And Kicking A Chicopee Cop

Chicopee Superskag Defends Her Honor On Facebook After Being Arrested For DUI, Crashing Into Cars, And Kicking A Chicopee Cop

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WWLPChicopee police arrested a woman for OUI who they say was driving with a shredded tire through Chicopee Center early Saturday morning. According to Chicopee Police Officer Mike Wilk, 22-year-old Jessica Vermette was seen swerving back and forth on Center Street after 3:00 a.m. before an officer noticed her front left tire was completely shredded, and pulled her over. Wilk said the officer also noticed during the traffic stop that the car had front end damage.

Wilk said Vermette was laughing when the officer asked for her licence and registration, and instead handed him an employee ID. Wilk said Vermette got out of the car after the officer asked her to, but refused to put her cell phone down. Wilk said the officer determined Vermette was drunk and began to place her under arrest. Wilk said Vermette began screaming and threw herself down on the ground as the officer tried to place handcuffs on her. Vermette allegedly kicked the officer in the chest with her high heel shoes.

She was transported to the police department’s headquarters and was later released on $290 bail. Vermette is facing the following charges:

  • OUI Liquor
  • Marked lanes violation
  • Failure to wear a seat belt
  • License not in possession
  • Assault and battery on a police officer
  • Resisting arrest


Nothing to see here. Just the town drunkard driving around with shredded tires and front end damage because she’s obviously too drunk to drive 10 feet without plowing into a parked car or Mr. Wilson’s prize rose bushes. You think she’s gonna put down her cell phone just because some cop told her to? LOL. Nah, chill B. She’s not going without a fight. Expect a JC Penny high heel right to the chest.

Jessica Vermette sure is one legendary guttermuppet.





Holy cow!! It’s like Turtleboy Jr. turned her into his art project. How is this chick not employed at the Magic Lantern? That’s all I wanna know. After all, according to her she’s a beauty queen:

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She also made the brilliant decision to go on WWLP’s Facebook page in order to defend her honor and blame the cops because Trump is President:

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Oh right, the cop is lying. Naturally. I’m sure the shredded tire, front end damage, drunken behavior, and this legendary mugshot were all just a set up. Because if you can’t believe a face like this:


Then who can you trust?

Don’t worry though, once she gets that settlement money from a previous accident, it’s gonna be smooth sailing for Jessica:

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She disappeared alright. All the way to neighboring Chicopee. Like they’re not gonna notice a ratchet like this in Chicopee.

Oh, and the only people who are bigger liars than the Chicopee Police are “raccoon cheerleading group ass hoes”:

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They’re the worst.

Anyway, nice work getting this scuzpump off the roads. For now. I just have this feeling we’ll be seeing her again in the not so distant future.



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24 Comment(s)
  • March 14, 2017 at 4:01 pm

    These Ibex Tumblers are not free or risk free. You pay s&h, but if you do not cancel within 7 days of delivery they charge you $40.00. If you do cancel, you have to send the tumbler back. So you never get to use. Plus they make sure that it is sent to yiu late so they can charge you the $40.00. Then they will not reimburse you the money even though you received in the proper time frame.
    Do not get sucked into this offer, it is not what is seems to be. It is a scam to get you to spend $40 on a tumbler.

  • whatevuh
    March 14, 2017 at 5:30 am

    Just another shit-stain on the underwear of society

  • Kerri Bishop
    March 14, 2017 at 12:55 am

    with that mouth and those tattoos she’s like a mix of Jack Nicholson’s and Jared Leto’s versions of the Joker.

  • Lyndsey
    March 13, 2017 at 8:19 pm

    I love reading your articles

  • Sarah Berthiaume
    March 13, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    She looks like she wants to be a skuzpump but anyone with a right mind would pass over someone with a permanent duck face like that.

  • Paul Larson
    March 13, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom note on your computer, if the paper clip popped up and said, ‘Looks like you’re writing a ransom note. Need help? You should use more forceful language, you’ll get more money.’

    Paul Larson

  • JoeD
    March 13, 2017 at 2:18 pm

    I used to ride the turtle before it became the bag of stories of poor hoes and dirtbags. Where did the political, law enforcement and legal stories go. Not drawing enough clicks??? It’s like a supermarket scandle sheet you read while waiting at the checkout but would never spend a cent on. Too bad, it had a great few years but is now a total waist of time. Surprised adverts are hanging on.

    • The Poop Hole Loop Hole
      March 13, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      Joe D: waste = disposable
      Waist = middle part of your body.
      Just sayin’

    • Turd Burglestein
      March 13, 2017 at 8:51 pm

      Yet you’re still here riding on Turtle’s cock because deep down you know it’s the best you’re ever gonna get. Or you can go back over to barstoolspurts and fap in their comments section.

  • Strata
    March 13, 2017 at 1:40 pm

    Its funny, she poses in that red dress thinking she’s attractive with those UGLY tatoos. Clueless and irrelevant she is …

    • LLC
      March 13, 2017 at 4:55 pm


      She really thinks she’s something else. BWAHAHAHAHA

  • Just Wondering
    March 13, 2017 at 1:12 pm

    When can we see her at the Magic Lantern?

  • March 13, 2017 at 12:56 pm

    She has thigh tats. She definitely swallows.

    • Just Wondering
      March 13, 2017 at 1:14 pm

      I love when she swallows

    • Turd Burglestein
      March 13, 2017 at 1:25 pm

      Yep…definitely a swallower, because if she was a spitter she’d have gotten one of those fancy nurse masks to wear for her mugshot like that baby mama drama queen ayanna hickman from a couple of stories ago.

      And I’m not sure what she’s got going on with those thigh tats…one of them looks like it has some kind of chinese writing up and down her leg. Probably an instruction manual for positioning her legs over her head and directions on which hole to go in first. And what part of town to dump her in after you’re finished using it.

      • Turd Burglestein
        March 13, 2017 at 1:40 pm

        See, that’s what I’m talking about when I say to make sure they’re dead. That bitch crawled out of my granny’s backyard last week. I would have made the grave deeper but I already said I’m pretty weak so I don’t have the strength to actually dig anything. Truth is I just kicked some leaves over her & still barely had the strength to get back to the house for The Voice premiere. I was eating a thin gruel for some energy, thought I heard something and sure enough, THE LEAVES WERE MOVED! I’m going to have to hire my own Renfield for the wetwork. Brian Albrecct, I know you think I hate you. I’m really jealous because you have the youthful strength I never had. Will you be my Renfield? Good pay. Let me know.

      • Turd Burglestein
        March 13, 2017 at 2:03 pm

        And no, I didn’t have sex with her first! I would have but I was having some serious trouble getting my tiny dick stiff. Fuck, damn thing’s so small even if it was hard you couldn’t tell. Ah, anyway, bitch laughed at me struggling to get that little thing even semi-erect. So I smacked her! But that didn’t work either because when I swing my arm I look like I’m having a seizure so she started laughing again. So I just let out a big sigh and my rotten ass breath finally knocked the bitch out. Ha! Did it again!

        • Michelle Hazelhurst
          March 13, 2017 at 6:00 pm

          You must be talking about a different guy, because a Turd Burglestein opened up an account at the Boylston branch a few months ago and this guy was loaded. Initial deposit was something to the tune of 9.3 million. Whenever a large depositor like that comes to the bank, I always try to hook up with them so I can hopefully escape my abusive relationship with Robert. Ever since he retired, he’s been on a drunk bender and beats on me when I get home from work. Any old who, I grabbed Burglestein’s package with both hands and tried desperately to milk that gigantic cock of his, but he said I was a gross whore and wouldn’t fuck me….can you believe that??? Look how hot I am….who would turn down a piece of ass like me, but he did. I did get a good fisting out of the deal though before he left and because my husband hasn’t knocked the dust off my pussy in 3 years he’ll never know. I just hope this thing tightens back up though because I’m having to use 3 times the usual amount of maxipads to plug the gaping hole he left behind. Oh well, gotta run. I feel a big shit coming on and I’m hoping if I send pictures of my best poop to Burglestein that maybe he’ll throw a pity fuck in my direction.

          • Turd Burglestein
            March 13, 2017 at 6:13 pm

            ^^^^^What a lying fupasloth. You know that deposit was more along the lines of 11.7M and if that’s not the balance in my acct when I check, you’ll be getting a grudge fuck instead of a pity fuck…from my pittbull. Don’t forget to mention the block of safe deposit boxes I rented out too to store my “valuables” so when your husband finally does finish tunneling to my cocaine lair, he’ll come up empty again…just like how his nuts were empty all those years when you weren’t so withered and barren.

          • jose peralta-sanchez
            March 13, 2017 at 7:15 pm

            Ooooh, you’re such a bully! Oh my, we’re all so scared of you. Ooooh, you’re sooo rich. Fuck you tredgy, you aren’t the least bit of shit you think you are.

          • Turd Burglestein
            March 13, 2017 at 7:26 pm

            Bob…you’re such a tiny little pussy who’s too much of a bitch to post under your old screen name. That’s ok though, because when it comes down to brass tacks, I totally won the troll war against you and now you’re cowering behind a different screen name thinking your ip anonymizer is fooling everyone. But keep on with this little game…it’s so pathetic at this point that it’s actually somewhat amusing. So when you lay your widdle head down at 4am to get some sleep after running out of those natty ices, just remember…you got beaten by a literal piece of smiling shit and there ain’t a damn thing you can do about it except fap with your tears.

          • Turd Burglestein
            March 13, 2017 at 10:13 pm

            You are fucking hysterical with your bravado. Take your time to look up these words that I use. I’m sure some have you completely baffled. Low intellect lounge fucks such as yourself always envision themselves so much smarter than they really are. Like if you could plug into a brain with a higher IQ you might get it. But you can’t. You strut around thinking that nobody can possibly be better than you when in truth, almost everybody is better than you, you unseemly, unsightly hemmorhoid. For example, in spite of everything, you still think I’m Bob. I don’t have to go any further than that. I’m sure Bob’s enjoying fucking with you as well. So, talk to you tomorrow you lowbrow, subhuman, shitsniffing, tinydicked mook. Love, your id, ego and super-ego.

  • Princeza groupie
    March 13, 2017 at 12:53 pm

    Magic Lantern ? Maybe if she can be trained by the best one there.

  • Mr Butthurt
    March 13, 2017 at 12:43 pm

    Would not.

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