All-Star Criminals

Considerate Webster Chudbox Steals Manhole Covers, Sells Them To Scrap Yard For Drug Money, Replaces Them With Cones

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Editor’s Note: This is a reblog without images we used from the previous blog because one of our bloggers is a maroon. 

Turtlegram and GazetteA 46-year-old man was arrested Friday and accused of stealing seven manhole covers from town roads earlier in the week. Darrin P. Lavallee, 34 Market St., Apt. 2, faces charges of larceny in connection with the theft.

The alleged thief was apparently thoughtful enough to put traffic cones in place of the heavy-duty covers in an attempt to minimize the danger to motorists Wednesday, police said. Because of the “brazen, daylight crime,” Lt. Tobby Wheeler said, authorities believed the thefts were committed by someone with an addiction.

“But we also knew they had somewhat of a conscience because they put cones out, versus leaving an open hole in the roadway,” he said.

Police recovered the manhole covers from F&D Salvage in Millbury, where the suspect sold them Wednesday.

This is the most Webster story I’ve ever heard. I gotta hand it to him though – he’s the most thoughtful, respectful junkbox we’ve ever profiled. Dude was driving around with a car full of cones. Because he really wanted those manhole covers, he just didn’t want an innocent person to get hurt because of it. The best part is how he did it in broad daylight too. In other words, he ran out of fucks to give when Mario’s Showplace was still the Fuzzy Grape.

Seriously though, this is dedication to the disease. Those manhole covers are no joke. Couple hundred pounds a piece. And he did it all by himself on pure junkbox adrenaline. This man is a force to be reckoned with during the Festivus feats of strength.

Here’s my question – why is the salvage yard in Millbury getting away with this? If poopface McGee hadn’t told the cops where he sold them they never would’ve found them. How is it legal for a scrap yard to buy stolen property that belongs to the city? If some guy shows up in your lot with manhole covers, that should be a red flag. Because it’s not normal to have manhole covers for sale. Ya know, because they belong to municipalities, not chinstrapped chudstuffers.

I honestly hope he gets help. The fact that he cared about other people enough to put cones up tells me that at his core he’s a decent human being. Plus he’s got multiple Facebook pages and there wasn’t a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat in sight. Just gotta get a cure for that “disease” and he can get back to selling food stamps on Facebook like a normal Websterite.

9 Comment(s)
  • Independent Thinker
    January 16, 2018 at 7:04 am

    He obviously cares about public safety.

  • Good crap
    January 15, 2018 at 6:48 pm

    We have a shop where we keep all kinds of useful leftover stuff from the jobs we do. If you work in construction, landscaping, site work, renovations etc. the jobs usually include the disposal of certain items, which could be literally anything. Manhole covers, signs, benches, fencing, the list goes on. Usually all or some things are in fine condition and it’s perfectly legal for use to keep these things and use, sell, or discard as we see fit. The scrap yard isn’t a pawn shop, I don’t think they would be in business long if they had to hold all the crap they get in until it’s cleared that it’s not stolen. Because if your saying they should have known the manhole covers where stolen, they would have to assume all things they receive are stolen, everything from jewelry to grills.

  • Scrappy Doo
    January 15, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    99% of the time the scrapyard doesn’t know what you dump. You pull on the scale, weigh your load, go dump it, and pull back on the scale. The scrap yard probably called the cops when they saw the manhole covers in the pile then pulled the weigh record/counter slip and gave the info to the police.

  • Julez
    January 15, 2018 at 4:37 pm

    One of your bloggers is a “maroon”?

    • !
      January 15, 2018 at 4:43 pm

      uh oh whahappen?

  • The disease
    January 15, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    Hey all. It’s me again. I feel like I was just here a little while ago. I know I know it’s all myyy fault right? But is it? Once again free will is embedded in ALL HUMANS. Just because I made you who you are today doesn’t mean right and wrong you know go out the window… Today it’s a manhole cover tomorrow it’s the bbgun in the old lady’s face.

  • vicxh
    January 15, 2018 at 4:06 pm

    That’s a lot of shitholes left uncovered.

  • ?
    January 15, 2018 at 2:22 pm

    He doesn’t have a Facebook account so you might want to edit that part of the story too…

  • SVU
    January 15, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    hahaha 🙂 awesome

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