Hoodrat Heroes

Cops Break Up Chicopee Herpesauraus DJ Party At 4 AM On Easter For 6th Call In 2 Days, Squirrels Live In Her Trash Pile, Children Terrorized By Ratchet Rodeos Every Day


Get a load of this Herpesauraus out of Chicopee:

That’s obviously a mistake. They meant to put the 4 before the 2. Because there’s no way in hell someone who has been alive for a mere 24 years could possibly look this grizzled.

But then I realized it’s Chicopee. And she actually looks 19 in Chicopee years.

That bitch right there done seen some shit. You don’t look that cocky, wearing a chain like that over your tittoos, with big ass hoop earrings, if you didn’t just smuggle a pack Newports inside your fupa rolls into county jail.

Mind you, it was Easter morning at 4 AM. Lots of normal people were trying to get some sleep so they could go to church in the morning because they think it makes up for skipping the rest of the year. The cops were called to this hoodbooger hole in the wall 6 times in the previous 48 hours! And somehow she was not arrested any of those times!!

But this cocky cockswab ran out of fucks to give a long time ago, so not only did she keep having loud parties, she got a freaking DJ. No. Fucks. Given.

Here’s what her neighbors have to deal with when they walk up to the FRONT DOOR of their apartments:

There are squirrels that live in that trash pile. They make sweet passionate love and feast on bounties of backwash Heineken, blunt roaches, and used condoms.

LOL. Just kidding. I think we can all agree that no one who has ever stepped foot in that apartment has ever considered using a condom.

Here’s audio of the Herpesauraus and hoodrat patrol attempting to negotiate terms of surrender with the police.

And here’s another normal occurrence living in the same apartment as the Chicopee Herpesauraus – hearing rival hoes show up to challenge her to step outside to fight after finding out that the Herpesauraus has been treating their man’z mutton dagger like a beat up 80’s atari.

People we spoke with who live near her describe it as hell. She broke the front door that everyone uses so now anyone can walk into the building. The landlord can’t keep up with maintaining the place because it’s impossible to get rid of people like this, and she just ends up breaking and destroying more stuff. There are constant cars up and down the street for semi-nightly parties, and fights usually break out in the streets afterwards, waking everyone up. I think we can go out on a limb and assume that this snatchbeast doesn’t have to worry about going to work in the morning which is why she gets to live life like section 8 Paris Hilton.

Oh, and she’s a mother too (ca-ching), but luckily the poor crotch fruits don’t seem to live there. Don’t worry thought, I’m sure she still claims them as dependents when the welfare fairy comes knocking. She ditched the kids to live her best life, which of course looks like this:

That right there is a metaphor for Chicopee.

Not sure if the Herpesauraus has Facebook, but if she does and you know what it is please feel free to send it over to TBNews.


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58 Comment(s)
  • marilu
    April 26, 2019 at 8:05 pm

    I always LOVE comment sections about my ol’ home city of Chicopee.. it’s a shithole. And only getting worse. So glad I moved.

    • Kimberly Cunningham
      April 28, 2019 at 4:23 pm

      Havent been to Chicopee in some years, but damn..has it really fallen that much….

    • Wow
      May 26, 2019 at 6:00 pm

      These stories are downright sad and depressing. People at their lowest point.
      Sorry had to piggy back off your comment, but I could not find the comment button to post without doing so.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Tom Phillips, KCB
    April 25, 2019 at 6:26 pm

    Jesus H. Christ on a chariot driven crutch !
    I could literally drink every one of those empties on her garbage-pail porch, and I still wouldn’t get so much as a wiggle looking at this troll !
    Are there really guys that desperate in Chicopee that would tap that thing?
    Wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Ever !

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    April 25, 2019 at 5:21 pm

    Bring that thing to the vet and have it euthanised stat!

  • george costanza
    That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow
    April 25, 2019 at 3:33 pm

    arrrgh! me remembers the days when when the lads and i would run trains on buxom vixens such as this one on the black pearl. could you blame us? we were condemned anyways. however when were done an anchor would tied to this young? lass’ neck(24 ? really?) and sent to davy jones locker.

  • The Crimson Chin
    April 25, 2019 at 2:06 pm

    By my mother’s mandible! What chintastic facial features!

    Cleft! To the Chinmobile!

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    April 25, 2019 at 1:56 pm

    When she opens the windows in the warm weather, just spray some liquid asshole through the screens when she’s not around. Although, she may not notice. LOL

  • capone181
    Total Mahem
    April 25, 2019 at 1:46 pm

    Evidently there is no trash pick up on Easter.

    Wait, I stand corrected, they took her away.

  • Father O’Touchahan
    April 25, 2019 at 1:06 pm

    May the Jussie Smellit be with you, and also with you. I apologize for my long sabbatical but I had heard that the globe spotlight team was in the area. Let’s discuss redemption. Clearly if this lady wanted to make 5 cents a pop she would redeem all those empty corona bottles. La cerveza mas fina! All on the ebt dime. May the Niko poopycockass be with you, and also with you.

  • Sgt. Truth Meter
    April 25, 2019 at 12:23 pm

    Best comment section ever. Carry on people, everything to see here.

  • Just a thought
    April 25, 2019 at 11:24 am

    If the government could offer her $100,000 to be sterilized it would be a win for the taxpayers and a win for her. Maybe the number should be higher since she’s only 24. Whatever the case she will without a doubt cost taxpayers millions over time if she keeps having kids.

  • capone181
    Total Mayhem
    April 25, 2019 at 10:09 am


    How about Mega-sore-ass…

  • The Name Game
    April 25, 2019 at 10:06 am

    I bet Carrot Moron’s chin has its own zip code.

  • capone181
    Total Mahem
    April 25, 2019 at 10:03 am

    The Squirrels were there because there was an abundance of NUTS to pick from….

  • randiguy2006
    Randall Guy
    April 25, 2019 at 9:35 am

    Fucking white people.

    • z
      April 25, 2019 at 9:58 am

      That seems to be a very ambiguous statement.
      Are you stating that everyone commenting is white and everyone is racist?
      Or are you stating that this woman is white and you agree with the comments?

      • Well, No Shit
        April 25, 2019 at 10:02 am

        I think that it’s establishing the fact that he’s a troll, saying anything that will get people to pay attention to him.

        It keeps working, for some reason.

        • Gray
          April 25, 2019 at 11:00 am

          Randall Guy doesn’t even live in MA. They live outside of Cleveland, OH. Probably in North Randall, which is where people like this snatch-asaurus live.

  • Who cares?
    April 25, 2019 at 8:36 am

    I am glad this muppet on crack looking bitch was arrested! She terrorized my friend who unfortunately lives in the same building. For months she was venting to me about this dumbass and I’m glad she can have some peace now.

  • Tittoo Fanatic
    April 25, 2019 at 8:04 am

    In the year 3876 AD Chicopee will be exactly the same as it is right now, or a place to avoid at all costs just like 95% of the western half of the state. It is what it is, as one famous NFL coach puts it…

  • Illhans fish-smelling hijab
    April 25, 2019 at 7:30 am

    Zum peeple did zumthing?

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    April 25, 2019 at 7:09 am

    This is why suburbs exist. They are refugee camps for those of us who want to be as far away from this human filth as possible. I feel sorry for the children in proximity to this POS. The lack of sleep and never feeling safe will be major factors in their life fails.

    The ghetto beat goes on…and on..and on

    • bigdaddy
      pissed of taxpayer
      April 25, 2019 at 7:18 am

      The ghetto beat goes on…and on..and on – as long as the welfare checks keep a coming Remember people kep voting Democrat

      • z
        April 25, 2019 at 7:54 am

        That includes the “I don’t like Trump but this is why Trump won” people. They’ll go back to a Democrat in a second if the Democrat is “reasonable”. What you see in those photos and video is a Democratic voters version of reasonable. Not that Baker is any better.

  • bigdaddy
    April 25, 2019 at 7:02 am

    I wonder where she works I hope her boss doesn’t see this- ha ha ha Just kidding she has never had a job we the taxpayers are supporting thus piece of shit As Howie Car says she receives the full Tsarnaev sec 8 EBT et al

  • whatevuh
    April 25, 2019 at 6:55 am

    Rode hard, and put away wet . . .

  • Alex reimer the dainty creamer and filthy screamer
    April 25, 2019 at 6:51 am

    Teeeheee I’m such a dainty little taint sniffer. Make me bite the pillow…please!!

  • Well, No Shit
    April 25, 2019 at 6:45 am

    At first, I thought that the side-by-side pictures at the beginning of the article were supposed to be one of those “Can You Spot The DifferencesBetween The Two Pictures” puzzles, like the ones that used to be in Highlights Magazine.

    That was, of course, before I realized that there are no differences. Trash bags are trash bags.

    • American girl
      April 25, 2019 at 9:10 am

      Highlights Magazine……..LMAO!!

  • The angry taint
    The angry taint
    April 25, 2019 at 6:35 am

    I thought chicopee was nuked and declared a super fund site, wasn’t the hills have eyes filmed there?

  • Said Everyone
    April 25, 2019 at 6:33 am

    Go to any city they has embraced diversity and you will have dozens of these houses. Now you will say “but this fat pig is white” But this fat pig likes to get banged by the darker of the species as is evident by the empty Heinekens on her front porch and the audio provided by Turtleboy

    • Well, No Shit
      April 25, 2019 at 6:37 am

      There is absolutely no doubt, and I mean ZERO doubt, that if this this pig lives in that ghetto, she is a mudshark.

      Black or Hispanic baby daddy. Guaranteed.

  • juror seven esq.
    April 25, 2019 at 6:17 am

    Remember when Westover AFB was open? Chicopee was a decent place. Keeping the US safe from the commies. There is nothing in the complete US arsenal that can defeat the current invasion of the free stuff brigade. The enemy within.

    • Well, No Shit
      April 25, 2019 at 6:34 am

      Fucking Nixon.

      • z
        April 25, 2019 at 11:36 am

        C5s came in.
        I can’t really blame Nixon.
        “So, Teddy, you say you are anti-war? Here’s your fucking anti-war!!”

        I remember when Nixon did it, the front page of the Springfield Republican (now MassLive)
        had something to the effect as the headline “Nixon Scores direct hit on Massachusetts”.
        Again, you wanted it and something has to close if we are winding down Vietnam. Why not you Massholes?
        He was supposed to screw over the people that voted for him? You screw over the 2 faced cunts that said they
        wanted this and got pissed off when they got it.
        “We thought you were going to fuck over people in states like Arkansas or Texas with base closures and reconfiguring!!!!! Not us!!!! We’re their betters!!!”

        Also, his daughter was finishing up or was pretty close to finishing at Smith.
        Didn’t need the B-52s to protect her anymore.

        • Well, No Shit
          April 25, 2019 at 1:47 pm

          Yeah, I just like throwing that out there, because it invariably gets a reaction. A lot of older Chicopeans usually follow up “Fucking Nixon” with “That prick!”

    • Diane Woods emerson
      April 25, 2019 at 7:50 am

      I was born on westover AFB! A million years ago when Chicopee was a nice military city.

      • Rerun Fishknuckle
        April 25, 2019 at 12:29 pm

        Me too yo. I even got an extra birf certificate with all of the signatures and state seal but they never put my name on it.

        When I find an old typewriter I’ll have a new identity..

  • Your mom
    April 25, 2019 at 5:53 am

    Yea girl bad cool what ever putting chicopee talking tmturtleboy y u show it limb dick face around you just sit back talk shot about people and city like nothing bro ur like a 600 lb dude sit beside desk all day fuck yourself little pussy boy and yea that lady do not elong around and o it the adult who raise her y she the way she is stupid

    • Well, No Shit
      April 25, 2019 at 6:00 am

      Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

      What hoodbooger language is that supposed to be, you ghetto-ratchet fucktarded piece of shit?

      If you live in/around that shithole in the Center, do us all a favor a fall asleep with a cigarette in your mouth, and burn the whole fucking place to the ground…with everyone in it.

      • Revrun Fishknuckle
        April 25, 2019 at 7:28 am

        “What hoodbooger language is that supposed to be, you ghetto-ratchet fucktarded piece of shit?”

        Bix nood..

    • george costanza
      That's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow
      April 25, 2019 at 6:32 am

      What fucking language are you trying to speak? You dimwitted,illiterate piece of shit. You should rinse your mouth out with a loaded handgun

    • Hart Ford
      April 25, 2019 at 6:56 am

      Please shoot yourself

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      April 25, 2019 at 7:40 am

      I live to “talk shot about people”.

      Fucking hell, are there any words in that entire sentegraph spelt correctly?

    • z
      April 25, 2019 at 8:21 am

      I ran that through every text translator I could find. Still reads like gibberish.

      Yea girl bad cool what ever putting chicopee talking tmturtleboy y u show it limb dick face around you just sit back talk shot about people and city like nothing bro ur like a 600 lb dude sit beside desk all day fuck yourself little pussy boy and yea that lady do not elong around and o it the adult who raise her y she the way she is stupid

      So, I took at a shot at it. I spoke the words as I read them. It helps in determining what the words really should be.

      Yes, the girl has issues. Whatever, but talking trash about Chicopee is not right. Turtleboy is a limp dick talking smack about people in Chicopee as if it is no big deal. You people are like a guy who weights 600 lbs and sits behind a desk all day. To heck with you, you pansies. The woman should be kicked out. The reason she is like she is, is because of the way she was raised.

      I’m not 600 lbs. I do have a desk job. You make it sound like a desk job is for suckers.

      My house is payed for. My car is payed for. My needs are small, I have no debt and don’t carry any interest charges. I can buy anything I really want. I don’t have a lot of wants. My 401K assuming no drastic drop in the stock market along with SSN and personal assets means about $150K a year once I retire and if I expect to be down to my last dime and then pass away. I have no intention of spending a $150K a year on the oft chance I live longer than expected. Being poor sucks. But I’m sure you are aware of that fact. You probably shouldn’t have majored in English at Mt. Holyoke. Now, here’s your toilet brush, someone puked in the Ocean States Job Lots ladies rest room in Holyoke.

      PS, I’m pretty sure that last paragraph contains words and concepts you don’t understand. I apologize for that.

      • z
        April 25, 2019 at 8:50 am

        SSN – I’m a dumbass. Duh, should be Social Security Retirement

      • Well, No Shit
        April 25, 2019 at 9:06 am

        Impressive. Your “Ratchet to English” translation skills are strong.

        You must have discovered the long-lost Rosetta Stone of Ratchetoglypics.

        • Grammy
          April 25, 2019 at 9:50 pm

          Great comment! If only our grandkids weren’t all going to be speaking this new pidgin.
          “Facks:” written language standardizes spoken speech. “Facks:” no one reads anymore…

    • Shallow Hal
      April 25, 2019 at 9:13 am

      This sounds like the gibberish that comes out of the guy Yy who is always commenting about the Jewish folk and Bob Kraft. No matter how many times I try and understand what is being said I cant

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    April 25, 2019 at 5:38 am

    If she and I were the last 2 humans on Earth, I would let our species die out before I would procreate with that gelatinous ham-beast.

    Now I’ve just been a little bit sick in my mouth just thinking about it.

  • Michael Johnson
    True justice
    April 25, 2019 at 5:33 am

    Throw her out with the trash

    • z
      April 25, 2019 at 8:44 am

      Which means she’ll end up on the landing 5 feet from the door.

    • Ogie oglethorpe
      April 25, 2019 at 9:15 am

      That’s a big ask…..can we wheel it to the porch?

  • Sulfer Powder
    April 25, 2019 at 5:30 am

    Yikes! 24???? Ain’t no way, I bet her 3rd chin is older than 24! She’s a pig. She’s always gonna be a pig. Can’t change that….

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      April 25, 2019 at 5:43 am

      More Chins than a Chinese telephone directory.

    • z
      April 25, 2019 at 8:28 am

      Not if you are a Martian. Mars years are longer, 686.98 Earth solar days,
      You do the math.

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