All-Star Criminals

Crack Donkey Crackerstain Goes Full Racist Defending Swamp Boar Sister Who Got Caught Doing Welfare Fraud By Falsely Claiming Crotch Fruits Lived With Her


This is Nicole Almstrom from North Kingstown, RI.

A few months back this swamp boar was arrested for fraudulently obtaining public assistance, AKA welfare fraud.

Collects food stamps but has plenty of money for titto haiku.


Turns out her baby daddy found less ratchet greener pastures to plow, and moved to Tennessee with his new wife and two crotch fruits in tow. The problem was that she kept reporting them as her dependents to keep the food stamp fairy coming on the regular, and she ended up getting caught. Does this look like a woman who needs food stamps?

I rest my case your honor.

The swamp boar is no stranger to the Rhode Island courts. When she’s not defrauding the taxpayers you can find her getting evicted.

Which happens a lot.

Or getting sued by banks and not showing up for court.

When news broke that she got busted with her hand in the welfare jar people around town starting crapping on her, because people getting busted for food stamp fraud is instant comedy.

Well, the fam was watching and they started reaching out to people who were shitting on the swamp boar in a vain attempt to defend their kin. They were exactly as ratchet as you dreamed they would be, starting with Mom.

“Shut the fuck up with your cock sucking holes.”  – Grandma Newport 100’s.

As you noticed there, she called him black trash, because he is in fact black. And in the minds of racist people, being black is somehow worse than defrauding the taxpayers. Shocking with parenting like this that the sweat boar would grow up to be on Turtleboy.

If you thought Mom was bad, wait till you see her bro Kenny.

He’s a real winner.

Bruh, your favorite musicians on Facebook are both….

Just sayin.

Again, if you’re white trash, your sister gets evicted all the time, she can’t retain custody of her poon polyps, and gets caught committing welfare fraud, you calling him the n word is pretty meaningless. The n word was supposed to be a way for white people to demean black people who were below them on the social ladder. The ladder rung doesn’t get any lower for the Almstrom clan.

My favorite part of that racist hardo attempt was the age old question, “why are you in my sister’s business?”

And the answer is, because welfare fraud IS his business. He works hard to pay the taxes that your tittooed methbeast of a sister steals by pretending to have custody of her crotch fruits.

And to the surprise of no one Kenny Almstrom has even more Google trophies than his sis.

If Google trophies were food he’d have a full course Thanksgiving meal. An appetizer of assault or two.

A side dish of vandalism, disorderly conduct, and obstructing a police officer.

A spoonful of breaking and entering with some larceny tossed in.

A tall glass of felony assault, with a shot of driving with a suspended license.

Make that a double actually.

And for dessert they’re serving up a couple evictions with some default judgements on top.

You name it, he’s got a Google trophy for it.

And yes, he has kids and a wife too remarkably.

Hey hun, if you didn’t know this already your husband is a racist piece of trash. But then again you married him, despite the fact that he’s spent more time in the Rhode Island court system than a retired clerk magistrate, so you’re probably half a step better than him at most.


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37 Comment(s)
  • Itsok4youtosayit
    June 12, 2019 at 10:38 am

    Dear Mr Turtleboy…..You did this story on this family being Racist and then you ran another story on a baby being killed in a high speed chase and baby mama wanting him back while I agree that is probably one of the most sickest things I have ever read it still doesn’t make it ok for these people commenting on the story to be racist and not be put on blast by you! Some of these people are the same people who had so much to say about this family but yet they didn’t hesitate to be racist themselves on another one of your stories!! Please read the comments as follow……………………………………….Chip Striker June 11, 2019 at 10:13 pm REPLY
    18 4 Rate This

    Fuck all brown skinned animals, come here from their third world shithole countries and are ruining ours. Look at the towns in Mass they have ruined already. Let’s go over the list, and please let me know if I missed one.

    1. Brockton
    2. Springfield
    3. Randolph
    4. Everett
    5. Revere
    6. Worcester
    7. Lawrence
    8. New Bedford
    9. Haverhill
    10. Chelsea

    That’s ten without even trying and these animals are coming here at a rapid pace and reproducing at an even faster pace, all while we foot the bill and our quality of life goes down the shitter.

    Well, No Shit June 12, 2019 at 5:39 am REPLY
    12 0 Rate This

    West Springfield

    Pennsrant June 12, 2019 at 7:18 am REPLY
    11 0 Rate This

    I’m sorry to say you are right. They just don’t give a shit.

    We used to be able to go to the local ponds run by state parks, but now, they’ve been overrun by Hispanics, and because of this, they’ve been crapped up. And, they don’t care. If they want your space, they will be in your face until you move. WTF?! We can’t even go to the ponds and enjoy that anymore. The ocean beaches are beautiful, so you can imagine my dismay when I saw a family of 20 (and a couple of Chihuahua dogs) on the beach at Salisbury last year. They sat near the egress point, and nobody could get by. Dogs are not allowed on the beach, but they just. don’t. care. Tell me something else…we’re (taxpayers) are supporting them. How the hell are they able to afford a pure bred dog? Oh, that’s right…they have kids to subsidize them.

    Joe Biden June 11, 2019 at 10:02 pm REPLY
    12 3 Rate This

    That baby would have grown up to be texting behind the wheel, playing shitty music way too loud and smoking crack while needing some portion of my tax dollars so yeah I am really fucking broken up over this….

    Tim June 11, 2019 at 8:56 pm REPLY
    14 1 Rate This

    Its shit like this that makes me thankful im almost 40 still single and have 0 baggage.To think i avoided all this lunacy and im also grateful for being born so long ago and being able to live in a somewhat normal world before this shit

    Ihatemudraces June 11, 2019 at 8:38 pm REPLY
    19 4 Rate This

    Our countries two biggest mistakes.
    Not picking our own cotton.
    Allowing Puerto Rico to become part of our country in exchange for a naval base.
    Nwords and sp1cs.

    Peoplesuckthesedays June 11, 2019 at 5:58 pm REPLY
    27 0 Rate This

    Sorry but this baby that passed in the womb is lucky not to be alive. We have enough scum bag parents in this world

    Puerto Rico Sends Us Their Best June 11, 2019 at 6:41 pm REPLY
    26 0 Rate This

    1) The poor child probably would have had a 0.0001% chance of NOT growing up to be a ghetto slug parasite like the parents.

    2) Saved the taxpayers money, since we’d be supporting the child for years and years.

    Sound cold? Perhaps, but not as cold as having kids you KNOW you will and cannot support.

    Internet Lawyer June 11, 2019 at 5:18 pm REPLY
    27 0 Rate This

    The ones I feel sorry for in this story are the police who were just trying to do their job and (even more) the innocent drivers of the other cars the animal hit. They were just trying to make their way home on a Friday afternoon, probably anticipating the weekend. After his criminal trial, every single one of them should sue his ass in civil court. Make the rest of his life a living hell. We should bring back indentured servitude for cases like this.

    Manheim June 11, 2019 at 5:15 pm REPLY
    23 6 Rate This

    One less little spic to continue the cycle on the taxpayers dime. Nothing more.
    Thin the herd.

    • Itsok4youtosayit
      June 12, 2019 at 10:45 am

      Merrimack Valley Turtle Bae / June 11, 2019 /
      Baby Momma Says She Wants Chicopee Chudpacker Back Who Killed Her Baby After Leading Cops On Highway Chase, Blames Hospital In GoFundMe


    • Well, No Shit
      June 12, 2019 at 9:25 pm

      What in the sweet fuck are you rambling on about?

      Nothing in my response was racist, you fucking toolbox. Leave me out of your crazy, drug-fueled rants.

      Stop looking for snakes under rocks, and go back to your meth.

  • Papa winston s
    June 11, 2019 at 3:43 am

    I loved granny newport until her mullet turned a touch of grey and she switched to natty ice from the high life we been accustomed to! On sundays is nascar day,the sabbath!

    • Debra
      June 11, 2019 at 7:45 am

      You and your website are a joke! You get your info from lowlife scum and drag peoples business out for the world to see with out getting the full story! You write about someone who is down and out and you never contact that person for their side of the story! You put false information out on social media and your followers believe what they read from your insanely, ridiculous , disgusting blog!! You call innocent children names you disgrace people’s parenting skills! This website is just what this world needs when there is already so much hatred! I have issues with a lot of people but never would I contact you and have you write a tasteless, disgusting blog about these people with all the false information you add to the story! You as well as your followers should be ashamed of yourselves! And if you were my child I would be embarrassed to let the world know!! TASTELESS, NO CLASS, HUMAN BEINGS! SHAME, SHAME,SHAME!!

  • Tongue in Cheek
    June 8, 2019 at 11:18 pm

    She’s no Megan DeMers…. Can you do a story on how she’s doing? I’m in love with her…

    June 8, 2019 at 1:51 pm

    Karma. Nicole is the biggest shit-starter. She’s nothing but trash. Her brother is a lying, cheating, can’t keep his hands to himself loser & her other brother is a pill-popping toothless lazy fuck.

    • hartf811
      Better when Buddy was alive.
      June 8, 2019 at 8:28 pm

      Sounds like most of the population on N. Kingston.

    • Itismybiz
      June 11, 2019 at 10:46 am

      Hey noybiz you seem to know a lot about this family……… is it safe to say you must be a lowlife crackhead too who couldn’t get anymore crack from them and you were just waiting for your day of glory so you could add your worthless two cents in too!….. just think you may be Turtleboys next story because I KNOW YOUR TRUE IDENTITY TOO!!!!!

      • Nope
        June 11, 2019 at 2:08 pm

        I know who you think it is, but it’s not. I know the feeling of having everyone down you so I haven’t said shit. I actually feel bad.

        • Itismybiz
          June 11, 2019 at 3:10 pm

          Save it for someone who believe’s it because I sure don’t!!!!

          • Nope
            June 11, 2019 at 3:29 pm

            Are you serious? I could have put this all over Facebook and laughed at you all. I chose to stay out of it. You know that if shoe was on other foot you all would of did it to me. One thing about me is I’m not a liar! I know what’s it’s like to have people talk shit that isn’t true. So think what you want. That wasn’t me! I hope they come forward.

      • NOYOBIZ
        June 11, 2019 at 3:41 pm

        It’s not who you think it is. So, keep guessing. You all like to harass people & spread false stories. You’re nothing but scum. Btw, stop whining. Your criminal records are public knowledge. But, you wouldn’t know that cuz you’re uneducated. Karma is a bitch & you got yours. Maybe if you didn’t embezzle state benefits, you wouldn’t be made a fool of? Ever think about that? Duuuuhhh? Nothing but, low-life, uneducated, inbred trash. GFY!

        • Itismybiz
          June 11, 2019 at 4:14 pm

          Ohhhhh did I hurt someone’s feelings? You shouldn’t bark if you can’t bite!! Hahahahaha life is great!

          • Nope
            June 11, 2019 at 4:18 pm

            Yeah life is great! My life isn’t on social media! My momma was right when she says “What goes around comes around”. I guess you got yours!

          • NOYOBIZ
            June 11, 2019 at 4:29 pm

            Hahaha! You didn’t hurt my feelings. But, you’re carrying on cuz your feelings are hurt. That’s all you do is run your mouth. Like I said, karma is a bitch. Now everyone knows what low life trash you are. Fucking thieves. You’re getting what you deserve.

          • Itismybiz
            June 11, 2019 at 7:17 pm

            Hahaha low life trash?! Let’s talk about that!! You must be related to that family!!! Hey turtleboy do some more research because I’m pretty sure you missed a family member! LMFAO

    • KMO
      June 13, 2019 at 3:03 pm

      Lmaooo Roland? Or Selena? Have the balls to actually put your real name if your gonna talk shit. You two are the biggest pieces of shit in RI. Selena… STFU.

      • Nope
        June 14, 2019 at 7:00 pm

        KMO sit the fuck down COW! Obviously you and your family are the degenerates

        • ItISmyFuckingBiz
          June 26, 2019 at 8:38 am

          Lmao Cow? That hurt my feelings. This stupid ugly bitch forgot she used to be twice as big as me. I may br fat babygirl but i didnt need surgery now you look worst tell your fagget boyfriend when hes next door again to my house, come over and talk shit so i can watch My Man knock him the fuck out. Selena, you have no room to talk shit about anyone neither does your Diddler Boyfriend. Fucking junkie you lost your kids to drugs and your ex couldnt get away fast enough so he killed himself. Gtfo. Like i said, dont call the kettle black when your skeletons are worse than anyone elses!!

          • Roland Poulin
            July 1, 2019 at 8:58 am

            Do yourself a favor worry about losing that weight and getting of welfare then come and run that mouth funny have fun fighting a lawsuit you good for nothing girl. That’s all u are. You go around acting like ur so innocent when we all know ur not how about your man oding at his work and in front of ur kids. Wow that’s some man. Oh and u will. E hearing from my lawyer about calling me a diddler so shut the fuck up and go live in ur 1 bed apartment with five people living there and shopping off everyone u can maybe u should worry about ur man not oding again in stead of fighting a battle ur not gonna win. But I swear u call me a diddler again I will be going too ur house too confront u let’s see who’s scared then

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    June 8, 2019 at 9:38 am

    Great story to stat the weekend! A good old Pig Bitch and her well used Pug Bitch Mom! Throw in the 6th grade educated brother and you got a triangle of perfection! Thanks for the laughs.

    • Roland Poulin
      July 1, 2019 at 8:12 am

      You k ow I’ve kept my mouth shut for awhile now but I’m done with doing that. First of like ur junkie oding scum of a man is gonna knock me the fuck out hahahahah roflmao haha. Your man dont scare me at all and as matter of fact I do think next time I’m at ur shitty house I will BE going too see both of u. You know what even more great is u and ur man are probably doing the same shit with ebt. I think I’ll be making a few calls. 2nd diddler better watch wtf u say on remember defamation of character lawsuits do exist I am not a fucking diddler not will ever be one and as far as selena goes yea shes had her faults. Lasted on facebook everywhere thanks too u and the other fat cunts here do yourself a favor instead of trash talking her on here why dont u come see here then run ur mouth are u afraid of her kicking ur ass or something. You really need a reality check kayla big time u and that defrauding scum. Each and every one of u deserve everything that’s coming too you. And maybe u should be getting that surgery u really need it more than selena ever has. But dont worry I’ll be calling my lawyer today for the diddler comment have fun. CUNT

  • Capt Stubing
    June 8, 2019 at 8:16 am

    Failed parenting defined- your 3 kids have more convictions than high school graduation credits.

  • WPWP
    June 8, 2019 at 6:46 am

    I missed the racist part? Libs loooove to scream RACISM!! at every turn but there’s legit nothing wrong with what this dude said. He’s still a POS though.

  • Lipstickhippie
    Lipstick Hippie
    June 7, 2019 at 8:37 pm

    I wonder if Grandma Newport graduated high school. Cause her hair style sure as hell didn’t.

    • Jeff J
      Still Rolling.....
      June 7, 2019 at 9:16 pm

      That is funny AF!!

  • whatevuh
    June 7, 2019 at 6:53 pm

    That whole dam family combined hasn’t got a full brain . . . total waste of oxygen, low life scum

  • z
    June 7, 2019 at 4:06 pm

    Scrolls to:
    “This is Nicole Almstrom from North Kingstown, RI.”

    Scrolls another couple of inches.
    What the FUCK??????

  • Flamin ' Fashionista
    June 7, 2019 at 3:56 pm

    That “#Bride” t-shirt looks like the cover on a Weber 5-burner grill.

  • hank
    June 7, 2019 at 3:31 pm

    What’s worse, Ken’s hairline or his credit?

    • Christopher Lettiere
      June 7, 2019 at 3:34 pm

      comment of the week!!

      • Batman
        June 8, 2019 at 10:43 am

        The only two downvotes, ken and his pig sister

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    June 7, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    South Shore Turtlegirl, do you have any crotch fruits of your own? I bet they’re Beautiful little crotch fruits.

  • ncfoothillbilly
    June 7, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    I thot I thaw a titty-tat
    I did, I did theee a titty-tat

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    June 7, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    ……this is my brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl.

    That is all that went through my head when I saw the picture of the three of them….lol

    • The angry taint
      The angry taint
      June 8, 2019 at 12:40 pm

      ahahahaha, great old school reference!…perfect. I love the down votes by the pig and her brain dead brother. hey you two who read this article to you? oh btw hi leigha , drinks on you?

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