All-Star Criminals

Cruella Distillery Smashes Into Car In Bridgewater While Shitfaced At Noon With Kids In Backseat, Owns A Hair Salon Called “Curl Up And Dye” 

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Fox 25 NewsAn East Bridgewater mother is charged with driving drunk with her two children and causing a crash, Bridgewater Police confirmed to Boston 25 News. Bridgewater Police said Crystal J. Lee, 35, of East Bridgewater, crashed her SUV into another vehicle around 12:15 p.m. Monday on High Street, near Karli Lane.  Beth Stone, a spokesperson for Plymouth County District Attorney Timothy Cruz, told Boston 25 News Lee was arraigned Tuesday in Brockton District Court. Her charges include OUI Liquor, Child Endangerment while Driving Under the Influence of Alcohol, Negligent Operation of a Motor Vehicle and Following Too Closely. A judge released Lee on personal recognizance and gave her a bail warning. 

“The Department and Children and Families received a report on this situation and is investigating,” a Department of Children and Families spokesperson told Boston 25 News.

And the All-Star Mom of the week goes to……

Wine Cooler Wendy!! This could totally happen to any Mom though, so I don’t wanna judge her or anything. Lots of people get shitfaced Monday morning and start joy riding with their kids in tow through the Bridgewaters.

I thought Crystal Lee was an alias at first. With a name like that you’re destined to one day star in a movie called Backdoor Bukkake 9. This is what happens you’re named after meth.

Guess what Wine Cooler Wendy does for a living?

Bartender?

Back alley tattoo artist?

Crash test dummy?

Nope. She actually owns her own hair salon. I shit you not, people no only entrust punk rock Cruella de Vil with their hair, they also give her money to style it.

The name of her shop might be the most appropriately named business of all time.

Curl Up & Dye.

Can’t make this stuff up.

The reviews on Yelp look great too. According to this satisfied customer she paid $185 to have her hair chopped off while Cruella Distillery’s kids rifled through her purse.

 

Because, of course she brings her kids to work with her while they throw tantrums. What kid doesn’t wanna sit in a hair salon all day listening to women complain about the lack of quality D in town?

Here’s my question – what is DCF “investigating?” She smashed into another driver because she was sloshed at noon on a Monday. Case closed, raw dog trophies confiscated. You can get them back after pretending to find God on Facebook and starting a Change.org petition that gets at least 250 signatures.

11 Comment(s)
  • Maggie the Cat
    November 10, 2018 at 7:54 pm

    She’s 35? She looks 50 years old.

  • Burlando Castile
    November 9, 2018 at 4:19 am

    Is that Kerry King from Slayer?

    • Barry
      November 9, 2018 at 9:10 am

      Whoever he is I’ll bet he’s the one that made her cut her hair short to help him transition off all that prison ass that he was getting after his last stint in the pen.

  • W. J. Bird ESq.
    November 8, 2018 at 7:29 pm

    I
    Think
    I’m
    In
    Love

  • Blabbermouth
    November 8, 2018 at 2:11 pm

    Is she banging the bassist from Five Finger Death Punch?

  • handsome woman
    November 8, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    Ugly Dyke

  • Jake and Elwood
    November 8, 2018 at 11:08 am

    Curl Up and Dye….

    Not even original; it’s the name of Carrie Fisher’s salon in the Blues Brothers.

  • Randall Guy
    November 8, 2018 at 10:59 am

    And you thought immigrants were the problem.

    White citizens are a menace!

    • Guilt-Free Cracker
      November 8, 2018 at 11:49 am

      You’re right. You and all of the black and Hispanic people can go live in one place, and all the white ones can live in the other.

      Then the way we’ll know when somebody’s in the wrong neighborhood is if they’re the wrong color. If you see a white person trespassing your neighborhood, do whatever you want to him, and we’ll do the same to whoever is the wrong color in our neighborhood.

      Deal?

  • Betty Cocker
    November 8, 2018 at 10:58 am

    Visible tats
    strange hair color
    facial piercings

    All indicative of someone with poor decision making skills who acts impulsively without worry of the ramifications.

    • Will Crusher
      November 8, 2018 at 1:15 pm

      Beat me to it, Ms. Cocker. Any woman with that trifecta hates herself and those around her.

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