All-Star Criminals

Defendant Of The Day: Assault With A Deadly Sandal

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Here’s Turtleboy’s Defendant of the Day from the Courthouse Records:

Ernani Assis, 40, of Worcester, charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon (sandal) and assault and battery, dismissed.

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I just wanna say, that this is a bad ass name. If you take out the first and last two letters of his name, you get Nani Ass. That alone is grounds for dismissal. Plus the guy probably lost the fight. You know what they say up on Grafton Hill – you don’t bring a sandal to a shoe fight.

In all honest though, I’m a little worried that Nani is back on the streets. There’s WAY too many vagrants walking around this town with unregistered sandals. How many drive by sandal throwings are we going to have in this city until we realize that this is an epidemic? It might be funny to you now, but it won’t be so funny when you’re walking down Hamilton Street and you get smacked in the face by a flip-flop.

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4 Comment(s)
  • June 9, 2015 at 5:40 am

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  • Itinerant Engineer
    May 21, 2015 at 2:28 pm

    Hey, sandals can be dangerous in the right hands. Ask anyone who grew up in a Latin-American household about “la chancla” and you’ll get to see Vietnam-esque flashbacks. They are to the Mexican mother what the wooden spoon is to the Italian mother; I’ve even heard of them being thrown around hallway corners like heat-seeking missiles of corporal punishment.

    • xayxel
      May 21, 2015 at 4:49 pm

      Yeah, it’s true! And a Fun Fact is that a beat down using a sandal is called ‘Un Chanclaso’ at least in the Federal District of Mexico region. I was gonna ask if this bloke was from that area. I had aunts that could do the ‘Chanclaso’ down there with the dexterity that nunchucks could be utilized by a deadly ninja. Entire piles of delinquent cousins would be laid out around their feet. Go figure this happened by the Mid Town mall…

      • xayxel
        May 21, 2015 at 4:53 pm

        Sorry! Apologies… not the Mid Town Mall; I got too caught up with wanting to click on the next article. “That one’s about Heroin”. Let’s not accidently demean the good reputation of the Mid Town Mall area with an accusation of a ‘Chanclaso’ incident happening there that could tarnish it’s good reputation…

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