All-Star Criminals

Diabetus Milkshake Goes “Missing” For 2 Weeks, Wife Raises $5,500 With GoFundMe, Turns Out He Stole Customer’s Insurance Money And Ran To Florida 

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This is Hudson, NH resident Bryan Provencher:

I have no idea why he looks exactly like a human thumb:

But I digress. Last month this manager of Provencher Insurance Agency in Lowell disappeared after going to work his other job as an Uber driver in Boston. Luckily he was miraculously found in Florida two weeks later:

Police officers confirm locating Bryan Provencher, the 48-year-old Hudson man who went missing July 31.

“He has been located and is safe,” the Hudson Police Department states on its Facebook page regarding Provencher.

Last week, Allison Provencher, his wife, posted on Facebook, pleading with people to be on the lookout for her husband.

“We have thought of all the possibilities but no one really knows yet what has happened or where he is,” Allison wrote at the time. “My family and I are literally hurting …. My kids are sad and scared and I try to console them,” she added, asking that if her husband somehow sees the post, to please come home.

“Our family was not privy to anything that may or may not have happened at his job,” Allison Provencher added in an update on her post. “The Hudson Police and my family just want to find him, we just care that he is found and safe.”

Meanwhile, his wife Allison began a GoFundMe that raised over $5,000:

It’s not clear what the money is going towards. All we know is she put her child’s picture on there in order to solicit pity cash from people. And because she used her kids as bait she got a bunch of money for it. This is how they became the Gravy Bunch.

Well, it turns out Thumbcrack wasn’t really “missing.” He just ran away with people’s money to Florida:

Provencher has an insurance office in Lowell and some of his customers say he took their money — and never paid insurance premiums. Lukatsky says they have reached out to the Division of Insurance for guidance and have sought legal counsel. He says about 50 customers have come forward so far, mostly for unpaid car insurance and that if customers do not have proof of payment, it is tough to help them. 

“I am trying to make things right and fighting to make sure their insurance is honored,” Lukatsky told Boston 25 News.

Lukatsky says they are looking through policies and reaching out to customers who may not know there is a problem. He estimates Provencher had 700 to 900 customers. One woman who spoke to Boston 25 News last week said she’s been insuring through Provencher’s office for 30 years. She was at the office Thursday because even though she paid her premiums, her insurance was on the verge of cancellation.  Even still, she expressed worry and concern for Bryan Provencher, the 48-year-old husband and father who left behind so many questions. 

“[He’s] very polite … I would have never thought this would happen. Never,” a customer, Lillian Rosenberger, told Boston 25 News.  

Customers of the insurance agency he manages in Lowell tell Boston 25 News it appears that before leaving, he took their money — leaving recent policy premiums unpaid. 

“He’s a great guy. So, no one seen this coming at all,” Jaime Kirby, another customer, said. 

Kirby’s daughter is one of the alleged victims. Last month, she paid Provencher $750 to insure her first car.

“It’s a big deal to a 17-year-old that worked hard for it, you know?” Kirby said. 

But a shock came three days ago when Kirby said the insurance company told her the car was never insured because Provencher wrote them a bad check. 

“So now we’re no longer covered, so we’re being asked to pay several more hundred dollars to get our coverage back,” Kirby said. 

As word spread through social media of the possible theft of premiums, Provencher’s customers came to the insurance agency looking for answers. 

“Their payments are all messed up in the computer and everything. And we’re trying to figure out it.

And earlier this week Thumbelina turned himself in to the Dracut police to face unnamed criminal charges.

Now obviously this diabetes milkshake is a scumbag and a con-artist. He wasted the taxpayer’s time and money finding his fat ass in Florida, where he was likely blowing other people’s car insurance money and holding court at Denny’s.

But the question is, did his family know? According to his sister in law, Allison Provencher dinno nuffin:

And when her waddling fingerprint of a husband was located in Florida she played up the thoughts and prayers angle:

But the fact of the matter is that they raised $5,500 in guilt money with their GoFundMe.

Where did this money go? We pay law enforcement to find missing people, so what was the money supposed to be for in the first place? There was also a $2,500 anonymous payment to that GoFundMe. Was that Thumbelina laundering stolen insurance money to his family? These questions need to be answered. Sure, Allison could be the victim of a shitty husband and father who ran out on them after getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar. But the fact of the matter is that she profited off of a lie, and it’s incumbent upon her to return all that money and reveal who the anonymous donor was.

What do you think?

18 Comment(s)
  • Frommundah Cheeze
    August 29, 2018 at 7:23 pm

    Who is Lukatsky????

  • TJB
    August 29, 2018 at 8:11 am

    I think the Michelin Man took of with a crackasaurus from shoe town. This is one FAT lie. The fupasloth is in on it for sure; and that kid should be taken away by child welfare before he explodes into one hundred little fattycakes.

  • Hugh Je Coch
    August 28, 2018 at 11:31 pm

    I can understand someone shaving their noggin due to baldness, but why did this morbidly obese bag of pus think it was a good idea when he apparently still had plenty of hair? Did he think it would help make him look thinner? How much does someone need to eat on a daily basis to resemble a beach ball? That’s got to be 5,000 calories a day easy…to be that enormous you have to be shoving something in your mouth every 30 seconds of the day.

  • M
    August 28, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    I believe the anonymous donation was $4,500 not $2,500. Also, why was a gofundme set up after only three days of his “disappearance” before any of the news of his deceit was known. Why was his wife so worried about money after only three days?

    His parents own the insurance company and I believe he also took another $150,000 from the business itself, either slowly or in one lump sum. Either way, I think she had to have known, or at least suspected.

  • Captain Insano
    August 28, 2018 at 7:57 pm

    Writer of this post….who is Lukatsky? The name is mentioned in the story but no clue who it is….

  • Troubled Nostrils
    August 28, 2018 at 5:45 pm

    Stolen money or not, he and his wife are child abusers by allowing their kid to become obese.

  • Frank Rizzo
    August 28, 2018 at 4:35 pm

    What a Freakin Pussbag….

  • deflateddoritodinks
    August 28, 2018 at 2:33 pm

    Well where else do these people go? Also I was wondering why he owuld commute from Hudson to Lowell because it’s fucking Hudson, NEW HAMPSHIRE. Yeah there’s more than one Hudson people.

  • Bertha Von Nation
    August 28, 2018 at 2:23 pm

    That GoFundme money should go right back to the victims. If she is as “sorry” as she says, she will donate it to them.

  • Y
    August 28, 2018 at 1:18 pm

    This guy looks like a dick with ears

    • Hughbo Mont
      August 28, 2018 at 1:31 pm

      A real life peckerhead!

  • vicx1
    August 28, 2018 at 12:38 pm

    Did he abscond with his secret mistress who is 20 years old, a junkie and pole stripper? No? then why is this story here?

  • Charles Ramsey
    August 28, 2018 at 12:36 pm

    The single $2500 payment was a dead giveaway in my opinion. Whether she was in on it or not, he no doubt made that payment to the ghettofundmah. DEAD GIVEAWAY

    [embed width="560" height="315"]https://www.youtube.com/embed/1V9mBOBKq1w[/embed]

    • Y
      August 28, 2018 at 3:29 pm

      • Y
        August 28, 2018 at 3:31 pm

  • Judge dread
    August 28, 2018 at 12:30 pm

    This is the reason why I pay commerce insurance directly and not through a middleman broker. I mean it’s pretty simple to setup, go online, setup auto pay, enter bank account details, done. Why were these 50 people writing checks to a broker?

    • Trumpet
      August 28, 2018 at 3:18 pm

      He was exploiting the elderly.

  • Rockets Redglare
    August 28, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    Don’t understand why people donate to GoFraudMe’s. If giving away money makes you feel better find a non profit you believe in…

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