All-Star Criminals

Dinner For One Ding-Dong Goes Full Carrie Underwood On Tyngsborough Mexican Restaurant Awning When He Finds Out The Kitchen Is Closed

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Sometimes the desire for Mexican food in Tyngsborough is a force of nature that cannot be satiated:

Damn bro, do they have fentanyl laced enchiladas or something? What’s in the guacamole over there? Just hit up the Taco Bell dude.

Look, we’ve all been there before. You’re really craving for a certain kind of food and a steak and cheese just isn’t gonna cut it today. But you might wanna try going to the restaurant when it’s actually open. They have these fancy inventions called “phones” and “the internet” that let you find out what time restaurants in town close so you can plan accordingly. Plus, who shows up to eat at a sit down Mexican joint by themselves? That’s probably why this guy’s so angry. The dinner for one ding-dong has a bad case of the feelz and he took it out on that poor awning.

Anyway, the cops caught him before we could blog about it:

Proving once again that Facebook is by far the most powerful tool for knowledge that has ever existed, and it’s extremely dangerous to let a bunch of Silicon Valley robots decide who is and isn’t allowed to use their platform. My question is, why hasn’t TPD named and shamed this clown? We’d love to know who he is so we can invited him on the next episode of Turtleboy Live.

12 Comment(s)
  • Fake Rant Queen
    March 23, 2018 at 6:47 am

    Try googling this incident and nothing comes up about who actually got arrested. But it turns out restaurants all over the country use the name “Cazadores”. Who knew?

    March 20, 2018 at 7:55 am

    I know him his name is Lieutenant Dan.

  • TheDonald
    March 19, 2018 at 6:51 pm

    Looks like Rex Tillerson to me. Venting a bit, but well expected.

  • KingSlender
    March 19, 2018 at 3:36 pm

    I know a creep when I see one. Safe bet when they do ID him he’s not going to be accused of having set the World on fire.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    March 19, 2018 at 1:27 pm

    Colonel Klink, General Burkhalter is coming tonight for an inspection. Try to keep Sergeant Schultz out of sight!

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    March 19, 2018 at 1:20 pm

    Cops love to still sport the 70’s-80’s mustache look. If you see a well-groomed guy with a mustache 4 out of 5 he’s a cop.

  • Tageman
    March 19, 2018 at 12:48 pm

    As Snowden said recently. Facebook is a surveillance tool branded as “Social media”.

    • ElJefe72
      March 19, 2018 at 12:54 pm

      Facebook and Twitter are the devil’s work.

  • z
    March 19, 2018 at 12:28 pm

    If he was “Known” by the authorities before, there’s a good chance his paw prints were all over the supports. But, that’s maybe just TV and doesn’t happen in real life.
    So, I’m going with this scenario:
    “Yeah Steve”.
    “I want you to check every clothing store within 20 miles. See if anyone has bought a flannel shirt since December.”
    “Then, cross-check that list with anyone driving a dark SUV”

  • Col Klink
    March 19, 2018 at 12:26 pm

    Because daddy is probably the Chief of Police.

    • z
      March 19, 2018 at 12:29 pm

      Or he’s a cop and they are giving him professional courtesy until they can figure out how to make it go away.

    • Captain Trips
      Captain Trips
      March 19, 2018 at 1:22 pm


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