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“FALL RIVER — A suspect is sought in a reported armed robbery of a Fall River convenience store.
On Thursday, January 24th at approximately 3 a.m., Officers Ross Aubin and Thomas DeMello of the Fall River Police Departments Uniform Division responded to the Cumberland Farms at 4548 North Main Street in response to an armed robbery complaint. On arrival, Officer Aubin spoke to the clerk, who stated an intoxicated, skinny white male in his 20’s with brown hair in a bun, wearing white sneakers, ripped baggie whitewashed jeans, and a white jacket with blue sleeves, walked out without paying.
Officer Aubin was able to track down the cab driver and locate the area where the male was dropped off, but could not locate the man.
This incident is under investigation and anyone with further information is urged to contact Officer Ross Aubin of the Fall River Police Departments’ Uniform Division at [email protected]), (508) 676-8511 Ext. 115, or call the FRPD anonymous tips line at (508) 672-TIPS(8477).“
What did I just read…?! Dude robbed a Cumby’s, allegedly with a gun nonetheless, for some candy bars, a piece of fruit, and a bottle of flavored water?!
I…umm…yeeaaah…I don’t even know where to begin with this fool. Look at the pants…is this even real life?! First of all, I’m pretty sure those are my moms high-waisted acid wash jeans from the 80’s that this little fuckstick must’ve found at Savers.
Second of all, he doesn’t even have them up past his mid-thigh! What is this, 1995? How do they stay in place?! Never mind being able to carry a gun on the waistband! Pretty sure we’d see it because the gun probably weighs more than him! I literally LOL’ed at the “I beat hoes in New Bedford!” line…because, in reality, the only thing he’s probably beating is his own giggle-stick! Maybe he refers to the little fella as “Hoes In New Bedford!” before he beats it, but that’s probably about it. Homey is the size of a fourth grader, so I’m pretty sure any self-respecting hoe would be able to fight back and power bomb this teensy rent-a-thug into the nearest filthy crack mattress. And wait…are man-buns still a thing?! Is that cornrows I see as well?! Tough to tell in the grainy picture, but I sure as hell can’t wait to see how this story unfolds!
In all seriousness though, armed robbery is no joke, and this foolery is exactly the kind of stupid shit that feeds into the masses when they cry about stricter gun laws. Although, if this douche truly does own a gun, it’s pretty much a given that it was not legally acquired…in which case, gun laws don’t matter because people like him don’t care about or abide by ANY laws regardless. But, anyway, we’ll keep you posted…I’m sure it’ll be interesting.
Turtle riders are always our greatest resource, so please spread the word and if you have any information about the identity and/or the whereabouts of this sorry excuse for a “man”, please contact the FRPD immediately!