Current events Smiles And Sunshine

Donald Dump Professes- “My Button Is Bigger- AND IT WORKS!”

 

Our fearless leader done dunnit again!  Who knew leading a country completely into the shitter could be done…from the shitter… while on Twitter.
This assclown is going to lead us into nuclear holocaust while dropping the Browns at the Super Bowl.

Today, President Dump professed while on his throne:

That’s right, North  Korea. Our sick joke we played on our own country is punking us all over the interwebz.  Remind me again how awful Dubya was.  I’ll trade this douche for G-Dubs any day.
So for those following at home, D-man wants the little angry Korean dick-tater to know that “my button’s bigger than yours! Nyeah nyeah!”

It’s not the size, you cunt. It’s how you use it.
And we kinda hope neither of you whip it out.

So what does this prove, really?  That Donald Trump has serious compensation issues.  Deadly serious.
Most old dudes that aren’t packing in the pant padding go out and buy a Corvette and get hair plugs.  Grab a handful of prime arm candied poon, some Affliction clothing, and bedazzled jeans and call it a day, Prez.

I dunno what else we expected from a hairy carrot turned reality tv star who was given a button to push?  He’s going to push the button.

Ok and then there’s just this one for the comedic value.  This is our president, ladies and muppets…

 

 

 

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I'm a turtle that squirts. I'm purple. I like popcorn and Facebook drama.
64 Comment(s)
  • JoeD
    January 9, 2018 at 7:31 pm

    What the fuck has happened to this site. Left it months ago being sick of reading about floosienoodles or wtf ever else they come up with. Checked back to read of the Gaffney soap opera and came across this. Wtf Ade. Turtlesauras heading for the tar pits.

  • Shuffle
    January 7, 2018 at 3:22 am

    This is the kind of stuff buzzfeed does, hated it then, hate it now. No thanks.

    Bring on the batshit crazy SJWs, junkies and lowlifes getting wrecked please.

  • Judge Judy
    January 5, 2018 at 7:32 am

    How the hell did you get a TBS gig?

  • Brian
    January 4, 2018 at 9:32 am

    It is absolutely funny that some people are blaming the escalation with North Korea on Trump. This is 199% the fault of Clinton, Bush and Obama. This Regine has been trying to build nukes for 20 years with the sole purpose of destroying America. The last few years they have been getting so close while Obama completely ignored it as he did ISIS. Fact is the world is a much safer place with a man in charge that will put an end to this instead if ignoring it and in Obama’s case with Iran actually funding it.

  • Fuckyou
    January 3, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    I actually used to love this page but whoever squirtlegirl is sucks pigs asses

    Let me know how that lawsuit goes!

    If i knew you were secretly ANTIFACOMMIELEFTYLIBGLOBALISTHOLLYWEIRDO LOVERS I WOULD HAVE STOPPED READING AND SUPPORTING YOU AGES AGO.

    MAGA! I should have got a clue knowing you are or were a teacher brainwashing our kids to accept socialism’

    I would actually love to see how perfect all of you are?

    What I don’t get is you obviously would rather have bernie the socialist or hitlert the globalist really! Well guess what you just lost 70% of your supporters in case you haven’t noticed no one cares anymore about your missing facebook pages

    MAGA GET FUCKING USED TO IT

    • White Nationalist Turtle Rider
      January 3, 2018 at 10:02 pm

      MAGA MAGA MAGA WHITE POWER MAGA!!!!!!!

      • Fuckyou
        January 3, 2018 at 10:05 pm

        I am Colombian sweety no white power here i just love a leader that has the cajones not to fucking bow at our enemies fat fugly feet

        • White Nationalist Turtle Rider
          January 3, 2018 at 10:29 pm

          GET THE FUCK OUT!!!! BUILD THE GODDAMN WALL!!!

  • Snooz
    January 3, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    Why are you so upset that our President is sticking up for our country against a commie Stalinist who slaughters their own people.

    • White Nationalist Turtle Rider
      January 3, 2018 at 10:01 pm

      Because squirtle supports terrorists? Bet she was cheering on 9/11.

  • #wtfissquirtle?
    January 3, 2018 at 3:41 pm

    Yeah we don’t need liberal snowflakes writing blogs, and ones that can’t tell the difference between North and South Korea? Wtf was that? Is this some sort of joke? 3-4 blogs ago you had a blogger bitching about Alex Jones, while I’m not a fan he has a huge following, now you have this one who put down the prez, the only prez in the past 20+ years that has actually used his balls for good and is trying to take down the NWO? Most of us like coming to the blog because it’s pretty neutral, aside from calling out liberal colleges and pigs like Didi, don’t allow this kind of writing, it doesn’t fit the narrative of Turtleboy. We are neutral, we don’t get into political discussions, and this blogger shouldn’t be allowed a pass since it’s their first.

  • This chick sucks dick
    January 3, 2018 at 2:53 pm

    Lol I can’t believe this was ok’d by uncle Tb straight up, I hate trump…. however, this broad is a fucking moron lol can’t tell the difference between n and s Korea? Really? and you know damn well half or more than half your readers are trump dick suckers, so now you’re gonna lose a bunch of your whiney faggot readers lol nice job Tb with that whole not wanting political posts from your bloggers lol this dumb cunt needs to learn how to write a decent blog too, I’ve written better shit with a pen in my ass hole ok

    • Kanacke Hasser
      January 3, 2018 at 3:24 pm

      Hahahahaha!

      You cum guzzling liberal cocksucker. I’d pick up your frustrated girlfriend right in front of you, and then I’d pummel you senseless if you tried to do anything about it. She be so thankful to have a real dick, she’d forget who you are instantly.

      Know how I know you’re a liberal? Only a liberal would have balls so tiny that he’d call a girl a “c” word. Liberal bros exist to fellate minorities and work at Starbuck’s.

      Your father must wish your mother settled for giving him a blowjob. Now he has to deal with your candy ass until you finally drop dead of AIDS.

      Pussy. Ha ha ha.

      • Fag
        January 3, 2018 at 3:57 pm

        I’m a chick so…. lol

      • Fag
        January 3, 2018 at 4:07 pm

        I’m a chick and a republican so…. lol

        • Kanacke Hasser
          January 3, 2018 at 4:25 pm

          Bullshit.

          No “chick” uses the “c” word unless she’s an Antifa liberal, a feminazi lesbian, or a meth head. In any case, definitely not a real Republican.

          If you are Republican female and two bottles of bourbon deep on a day off from work, you’re excused. Otherwise, you’re a backpedaling moonbat liar.

          But not a “c”.

          • Kimk
            January 5, 2018 at 11:18 am

            I use the word CUNT all the time and am 100% Trump all the way! Its my favorite word and no I’m not a dyke either

    • howl!
      January 3, 2018 at 3:27 pm

      damn, you got pwned, son!!!

      bwahahahahaha

      p.s. how’s that pen in your ass hole? does it fit next to the baseball bat???

      • E Boyler's Mangina Wins Penmanship Awards
        January 3, 2018 at 6:48 pm

        He neglected to say that he writes better when I’m fisting him and writing his weekly cuck to-do list.

  • Becky Blueline
    January 3, 2018 at 2:20 pm

    I can’t stand the name “Squirtle Girl,” but I can’t stand Trump even more so. That said, I was disappointed in this blog post. Homerun with the abandoned dog post, but this one fell on its face.

    I don’t see anything wrong with having a Turtleboy blogger that decides to pick at national politics, the more varied perspective the better. Right wing, left wing, in the middle, who cares? I’d just prefer better content than this. For instance, what the Huffington Post did with their “Trump apology video.” That would be something I’d expect out of a Turtleboy blogger because it’s more fun, creative, and also because of the areas it mixed into the video story.

    It is nice to see a new blogger though, so welcome. Now please change your name to something more turtle oriented! 🙂

  • Trump rocks
    January 3, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    About time a prez stands up to the punk. First time someone actually did. Trump did the right thing. He just slapped the punk in the face. After the punk has been threatening us and our allies for years.

    • Squirtle Girl
      January 3, 2018 at 1:43 pm

      Oh I’m not pissed he stood up to the guy. I’m irritated that the guy takes to Twitter to taunt him. That’s why it was post worthy. He’s doing the same shit we write about all the time.

      • We're Doomed
        January 3, 2018 at 2:27 pm

        So which is it? Was it post worthy because he tweeted a taunt at the little dictator or was it a joke as you commented a couple posts up? If it was the latter here’s a little tip for you: until people get to know your personality you can’t assume that they’re going to take something like that as a joke. Bonus tip: Don’t assume that putting a muppet video (again see your above post) will alert people to your “joke.” Have you seen the idiotic shit that people who still haven’t gotten over the election post? Jesus if you want people to take it as a joke you’re going to have to throw in an LOL here or there. Reading your replies I’m beginning to understand how you could confuse the two Koreas.

        • Lolajack
          January 3, 2018 at 2:42 pm

          We’re Doomed, nailed it. It wasn’t a joke at all. Nice backtracking though and if Squirt is concerned about MAD(she can look that up) then she hasn’t kept abreast with technologies that would render a “nuclear holocaust” obsolete. She needs to get educated and write better blogs concerning international politics and threats.

          The offer of those plans still stands. BTW, the MRE is the Chipper Chicken.

          • We're Doomed
            January 3, 2018 at 2:46 pm

            Well I’m sold. The Chipper Chicken MRE sealed the deal. I’ll take a set of bunker plans.

          • hmmm
            January 3, 2018 at 9:28 pm

            “She needs to get educated and write better blogs concerning international politics and threats.”

            Nah…She needs to gets better educated, learn to write, and…still go away.

      • Fuckyou
        January 3, 2018 at 10:03 pm

        I actually used to love this page but whoever squirtlegirl is sucks pigs asses

        Let me know how that lawsuit goes!

        If i knew you were secretly ANTIFACOMMIELEFTYLIBGLOBALISTHOLLYWEIRDO LOVERS I WOULD HAVE STOPPED READING AND SUPPORTING YOU AGES AGO.

        MAGA! I should have got a clue knowing you are or were a teacher brainwashing our kids to accept socialism’

        I would actually love to see how perfect all of you are?

        What I don’t get is you obviously would rather have bernie the socialist or hitlert the globalist really! Well guess what you just lost 70% of your supporters in case you haven’t noticed no one cares anymore about your missing facebook pages

        MAGA GET FUCKING USED TO IT

  • Squirtle Girl
    January 3, 2018 at 1:10 pm

    OMG calm down ffs.
    The post is a joke, it was meant in lighthearted humor. Muppets and shit.

    Stick to hoodrats on a low level. Got it.
    No national or internationally visible hoodrats. Got it.

    • Mirror Mirror
      January 3, 2018 at 6:39 pm

      Typical lib/brain dead response to relevant criticism – just double down on the stupid and try to deflect.

      This blog was founded on going after political types – mostly local. True fans hate the FB/hood rat/junkie blogs. Noobs and adolescents like the Jerry Springer stuff – and they are the ones that don’t have the $$ to spend on TBS advertisers.

      Go back and read the earlier blogs and refrain from spewing liberal (or conservative) talking points and false narratives so that you can pretend to be superior instead of just another useful idiot. The readers will be happier and the country will be smarter if you do.

    • hmmm
      January 3, 2018 at 9:19 pm

      “No national or internationally visible hoodrats.”

      Are you now are calling the POTUS a hoodrat?

      It is clear unemployment is low if TB is considering bringing on this blogger…give one of the existing bloggers some overtime instead!

  • TL
    January 3, 2018 at 12:50 pm

    Maybe the most terrible blog ever on TBS. Unbelievably bad. Look, we get it that you are trying to add a liberal flavor to your blogs so you won’t be deemed “right wing” but this is such a stupid, poorly written piece. I expected more out of TBS.

  • johnnyb
    January 3, 2018 at 12:31 pm

    Welp…This looks like a lock for end of the year honors..as the worst TBS blog ever…

  • WormtownorBust
    January 3, 2018 at 11:40 am

    This blog is pointless.

    F-

  • Sheik Yerbouti
    January 3, 2018 at 11:39 am

    You see?! This is what happens when you allow women to read, let alone write. That and Cambridge is what makes you Yankee dogs weak.

    I like this Squirtle girl heifer. She must have voted for the blowjob president’s lesbian wife. After we raise the flag of Daesh over Washington, the squirting slut will have the honor of tongue-bathing my blue-cheese scented Taliban grundle.

  • lolwhut
    January 3, 2018 at 11:12 am

    Sorry, this sucks. Please stick to local twatwaffles, and leave the national crap to Huffingfumes Post.

  • Tin Foil Hat
    January 3, 2018 at 10:53 am

    President Trump is proof that we are living in some kind computer simulation that allows a more advanced life form to study us.

  • Not Good... Not good at all.
    January 3, 2018 at 10:04 am

    So… this is the direction Turtleboy is headed? Huffington Post called, you’re infringing on their territory…

  • Your blogger is dumb
    January 3, 2018 at 9:44 am

    Ummmm…..is this blog written by a 5 year old? This blogger doesn’t even know the difference between North and South Korea apparently…..

    This is the most embarrassing piece I have ever read on TB

  • #NotMySquirtle
    January 3, 2018 at 9:31 am

    Since when did TB get political?

    I get back from my holidays and look forward to reading up on the goings-on of the chudstuffers and cheesehogs, and I’m greeted by this drivel…

    Go back to the reason half the people read this blog.

  • BAM
    January 3, 2018 at 9:27 am

    Squirtle girl blows. What happened to no national politics?

  • TJB
    January 3, 2018 at 9:20 am

    TB, you can not seriously say our nation would be better off with that sourdough lesbian cunt in charge. If you do; why not open your home to a nice Syrian refugee; who is only interested in bobs & vagene.

  • Burt Hurtensteiner
    January 3, 2018 at 7:52 am

    Don’t.squirt(poke).the.Trumpsters 🙂

    So much butt hurt emanating from this silly blog post.

    Best,

    Burt H.

    • January 3, 2018 at 9:02 am

      This blog is becoming miserable. Too bad…I ‘member when it was decent.

      Also, shoutout to mike lupica. Adam Jones didn’t lie!

      Sincerely,
      Kneeko. Poopycockholster
      Salem state.edu

  • Turtle rider
    January 3, 2018 at 7:27 am

    Good job squirtle. Don’t let these people shitting on your blog get to you.
    I totally think this was a blog worthy story. Our president is a fucking moron.
    The fact that he says such stupid asinine things when it puts our entire country at risk is ridiculous.
    The guy is acting like a lockerroom boy talking about who is dick is bigger.
    And since when does t e president have a nuclear button on his desk. Ya I think not. What a fucking idiot

    • Peace Through Strength
      January 3, 2018 at 7:42 am

      Wrong. The only thing the savage world understands is strength and power. No one since Ronald Reagan has provided it. Americans are tired of being a doormat to these 2 bit despots shoving us around.

      • Independent Thinker
        January 3, 2018 at 10:27 am

        It’s about time we had a President who said that if someone attacks us, that we will level them and wipe them off the face of the earth. Don’t attack us and we won’t attack you.

        And we finally have a President who was willing to confront ISIS and take a huge bite out of their capabilities. Unfortunately, our congress and our courts won’t let him go far enough.

        • anon
          January 5, 2018 at 4:22 pm

          Confronting ISIS while handing Saudi Arabia billions of dollars … tired of winning yet?

    • Worst TB Blog Ever
      January 3, 2018 at 10:47 am

      perhaps the President is a moron….not a huge fan myself…..but what is definitive is the blogger doesn’t know the difference between North and South Korea which of course proves he/she is a moron

    • Angry Turtle
      January 3, 2018 at 12:06 pm

      Whatever anyone thinks of the president doesn’t matter here; people don’t come for politics… we get enough of that from the MSM …. bring on white trash junkies and their pimp husbands on welfare!! leave the politics to FoxNews and CNN

  • bigdaddy
    January 3, 2018 at 7:07 am

    Still glad Hillary isnt president

  • TDF
    January 3, 2018 at 6:58 am

    That tweet was AWESOME….still laughing about it. My button works, comic gold

  • AngryTurtle
    January 3, 2018 at 6:11 am

    Ugh…
    Political post… I hope we don’t go down this road…

  • Archie
    January 3, 2018 at 6:04 am

    non partisan comment: fuckin awful

    reads as a “HuffPo RedZone HotTake” blog, if that forum were to exist.

    TB — Stop being so desparate for TB Clone Bloggers.

    Everyone deserves a second chance though…

    I Heart Deskie…

  • AgingCynic
    January 3, 2018 at 4:25 am

    Just what TBS needs right now: someone to drive away half your viewers. Brilliant. You just had to politicize something non political, didn’t you?

    • jjhsjk
      January 4, 2018 at 5:09 am

      I’m confused… what is not political about geopolitics and nuclear warfare?
      am i missing something

      • KJDS
        January 4, 2018 at 1:36 pm

        The point is that TBS has very rarely ventured into national politics, specifying that it’s, “Not their brand.”

        The “politicization of something that was non-political” is in reference to TBS itself, with exception of local politics.

  • Lolajack
    January 3, 2018 at 3:52 am

    I love sarcasm. Is this blog real?

    • We're Doomed
      January 3, 2018 at 5:36 am

      Has to be sarcasm. So much nothingness and unoriginality in one small post to be a serious post.

      • Lolajack
        January 3, 2018 at 5:50 am

        Mentioned South Korea but I don’t know in what context. The only thing I got out of this blog was that Squirtle does not like Trump, fears he’ll lead us into a nuclear holocaust(Duck and Cover!), and offers no solutions as to how this threat from North Korea should be addressed. But I’m willing to send her bunker plans for the low price of $19.99 and if she calls now I’ll double the order and throw in a bottle of water and an MRE. Free shipping, too!

        Sorry about being a harsh critic.

        • Tired of Don't Snitch Pussies
          January 3, 2018 at 6:07 pm

          Your 5 sentence comment is better than all of this noob blogger’s articles put together. She makes SSTG seem like Shakespeare. And the Trump Derangement Syndrome she’s suffering from must mean one thing – Liberal Turtleboy has a twin sister!

          • Lolajack
            January 4, 2018 at 1:45 am

            I’m not taking it that seriously though. This has really turned into a shit storm. I agree with others that getting back to the original TB format would work.

  • heart
    January 3, 2018 at 3:27 am

    welcome, squirtle 🙂

    • Squirtle Girl
      January 3, 2018 at 3:30 am

      <3 :*

    • No Good
      January 3, 2018 at 5:56 am

      Thumbs down. This is absolutely terrible, Middle School stuff.

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