Want to have your business advert viewed over 2 million times per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Every time I think election 2016 couldn’t turn into a bigger shitshow, Donald Trump proves me wrong. Quick background for those of you not following the latest incredibly important political story. Alicia Machado was a former Miss Universe contestant from Venezuela, who claims that Trump called her “Miss Piggy” because she gained weight and “Miss Housekeeping” because she’s Hispanic. After she won the title Trump was quoted as saying, “She was impossible. She was the winner and you know, she gained a massive amount of weight and it was a real problem. We had a real problem. Not only that, her attitude, and we had a real problem with her.”

Of course this was the rabbit in the hat that Hillary Clinton pulled out at the debate the other night. Unfortunately for Hillary she didn’t do much background check on this chick, because it turns out she was accused of driving a getaway car from a murder scene in 1998 and threatened to kill the judge in the case:

HAHAHHAHAH!!! I love how she doesn’t even try to deny it. Everyone has a past!! Some of us snuck into a movie theater without paying when we were kids. Others drove the getaway car from a murder and threatened to kill a judge. That’s not important. What’s important is that I am now the official “voice for the Latin community” because Hillary Clinton needed to find a Latina immigrant who fits the narrative that Trump is both xenophobic and misogynistic. Who cares about all those really serious crimes in my past? Donald Trump called me fat one time and hurt my feelings!! Plus, he isn’t even showing his taxes!! This is a much bigger deal.

Anyway, if Trump was a normal candidate for President he’d just walk away at this point. Who gives a shit what some washed up shady beauty queen staring menopause right in the face has to say about anything? But that’s never really been his style. It’s also his biggest weakness. He just can’t help himself. He has to win every pissing match, and he’s falling for one trap that Hillary sets after the next. Two months ago is was the Khizr Khan. His numbers plummeted. Then he stopped getting in pissing matches for a while and went back to talking about the wall. His numbers went up. Now he’s kicked it up a notch with this washed up beauty queen. Check out his Twitter rant from the crack of dawn/middle of the night:

Wow, Crooked Hillary was duped and used by my worst Miss U. Hillary floated her as an "angel" without checking her past, which is terrible!

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2016

Can I just say how amazing and fitting it is that of all the people Hillary could’ve used as a pawn, she chose a murder accomplice. I love politics.

Using Alicia M in the debate as a paragon of virtue just shows that Crooked Hillary suffers from BAD JUDGEMENT! Hillary was set up by a con.

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2016

This was the best one:

Did Crooked Hillary help disgusting (check out sex tape and past) Alicia M become a U.S. citizen so she could use her in the debate?

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 30, 2016

Did a presidential candidate just tell me to watch a sex tape? Did this happen in real life? Has his ever happened before? Remember that time William Howard Taft busted out the motion picture camera to show some lady Woodrow Wilson knew having sex 20 years before either of them ran for President? Because I don’t. All I know is, the next time your wife catches you watching porn just tell her a Presidential candidate made you do it.

Anyway, the press is all over Trump about this, which might be the most hypocritical thing I’ve ever heard:

https://twitter.com/RupertMyers/status/781788794324393984

Bitch, the media wants this!!! Lester Holt could’ve asked him about immigration or gun control or abortion or ANYTHING that would be considered a political issue in 2016. But instead they asked him about whether or not he called Rosie O’Donnell fat one time. Because they know they’re gonna get a reaction out of this guy and it’s great for rating.

Then after the debate they made Alicia Machado a superstar and shit all over him for something he allegedly told her 20 years ago. First of all, if she’s a beauty queen then it’s her job not to get fat. I’m sorry, but if you’re gonna enter that world, then it’s understood that you’re shallow and you cannot gain weight and keep doing what you’re doing. You want to be known for looking good in a bathing suit. That’s it. You don’t get to be mad at your boss when he points out that your weight gain is a problem because it hurts your precious feelings. If you don’t wanna have your feeling hurt, then don’t enter an industry where the only thing that matters is your physical appearance.

Anyway, as someone who is not a Trump supporter but really hates Hillary and is kind of rooting for Trump, this is annoying. He could win this election so easily if he was just normal. The woman he’s running against is so beatable it’s not funny. He’s literally handing her the election by making me watch sex tapes at 5 AM on a Friday. Politics is way more fun than it used to be.

We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.

Wormtown Brewery, Union Tavern, Bennie’s Cafe,  JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban Barbecue, Smitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors,  The Gun Parlor Range, Attorney Anthony Salerno, Rotti Power Equipment in West Boylston

Want to have your business advert viewed over 2 million times per month? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.

Follow us on Twitter and like us on Facebook

Click on the image to get your Turtleboy Sports Revolution hoodie or browse other merchandise from the Turtleboy store.