All-Star Criminals

Douglas Fupasloth Arrested For Driving Intoxicated And High With Infant In Car At 1 PM, Crashing Into Mailboxes, Defends Her Honor On Douglas PD Facebook Page

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Check out this oompa-loompa:

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What the hell is going on in Douglas these days? Granted, when you share a border with Douglas, you’re gonna get some cheesehogs seeping through the cracks. But we’ve found a bunch of these people this week. And this one might take the cake. Actually, she takes a lot of cake:

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God save the Queen.

This chick’s hitting mailboxes, high as a kite at 1:00 PM on a Tuesday, with an infant in the backseat. I mean, there seems to be a never ending supply of these sewer guppies. How is the baby released to the family? Like this gravy dumpster isn’t gonna have her back in the car in no time.

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Anyway, normally when you get busted and humiliated like this, you wanna keep a low profile. Sometimes the fam might show up with some hot takes like, “only God can judge,” and “if you don’t know her then keep her name out your mouth,” or the crowd favorite “free my boi.” But you hardly ever see the people themselves show up, because they’re too busy hiding in shame.

Not this fupasloth though. She couldn’t help herself:

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The truth? You hit three mailboxes, your car was fucked up, you were drunk, and you were all jammed on pills with your baby in the backseat. But yea, can’t wait until the “truth comes out.” I’m sure this was all a big misunderstanding.

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Yea, those mailboxes knocked themselves over!! Very exaggerated!!

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Well, you won’t be found innocent, that’s for sure. Because that’s not how court works. And you definitely won’t be found not guilty. Ya know, because of Exhibit A:

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Yea, definitely not on drugs. Because when I look at this face the first thing I think is “sober.”

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Unprofessional appears to be her buzzword of choice. Because Jill Porter, a woman who was driving drunk at 1 PM with her child in the car, redefines professionalism.

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I’m sure that time Jill Porter was arrested and charged after robbing the Family Convenience in Douglas was also a huge setup by unprofessional cops:

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Definitely.

She commented basically to every single person who had something to say. Because everyone knows that real justice is meted out in the comments section of the Douglas PD Facebook page. Everything is an exaggeration. The police are corrupt. All this fake news is nothing but lies. I know a guy in Fitchburg who she would totally hit it off with, and maybe even give her the D. If only he swung that way.

 

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22 Comment(s)
  • Jill Porter
    January 14, 2017 at 12:55 pm

    To all the of haters out there that believe the bullshit f you. If you don’t have the balls to call me and say it to me (774-482-0397) stop hiding behind your phone/computer your straight up a fake ass mfer! Have a good night everyone

  • You are all evil. Karma get you
    January 13, 2017 at 1:32 pm

    Everyone commenting better have perfect lives. Where the fuck are your morals? You also better be fit and a 10. Where is your compassion…look at yourselves getting off on someone making a mistake?

    • ktous720
      Hahahaohreally
      January 13, 2017 at 2:10 pm

      Public shaming is good for society as a whole. It’s actually what keeps people from doing dumb shit that could cause this type of reaction. if no one talks about people like this then a lot more of it would go on. Get a clue. It’s not about others morals who comment. It’s about saying hey this action of ( in this case) driving impaired with a child isn’t acceptable to the rest of society. If I were to do something stupid I would expect the same treatment.

  • That Guy
    January 13, 2017 at 11:27 am

    I see a ton more public shaming going on here. Most charges look obvious, but what do you do if someone is found not guilty? Just curious.

  • You are all evil
    January 13, 2017 at 9:08 am

    I bet that everyone commenting is perfect and a 10. Two wrongs don’t make a right and if all u have are names to bash her then who are you.

  • Drunk and sometimes most of the time stupid
    January 12, 2017 at 11:33 pm

    ok ok ok ok ok ok hick up. sos what the fux am i m i supposed to do hick up. i always thunked that a wittle maddog wid a widdle eny beny Svedka wit breakfeast was ok. i wear a adultz diapers so going to da batroom is a none tissue hick up i mean issue. both hahahahahahahahahhaahaha hick up. i hate male boxers. i aim for dem wit my car me and my kid. hick up.

  • Sloppy
    January 12, 2017 at 10:08 pm

    The most amazing part of the story is that the blob in the photo has a baby.
    That means that someone would have had to put his penis inside of her. Unbelievable…smh

  • Rutland Rider
    January 12, 2017 at 8:59 pm

    Where was everyone at 1:00 on Tuesday? I was at work. I’m assuming the same for most people. This “Mother of the Year”must be on maternity leave, huh? How much you want to make a bet she was out partying on her first of the month check?

  • Dick Dover
    January 12, 2017 at 8:27 pm

    Criminal traffic offense aside, the social backlash would of been nowhere near as severe if she hadn’t been so arrogant as to try and vulgarly make her case on the fucking police dept Facebook page. I hope they use every last word against her. Miranda rights are read to the suspect for a reason, clearly she threw the right to remain silent out the window on this one. She’ll be convicted, and can add it to her dossier.

  • Has to be the water
    January 12, 2017 at 8:00 pm

    She looks like the type. Douglas is a old mill-town, has a bunch of inbred types. One works for the state highway dept, he’s so big can hardly walk and smells too.

  • Just nick
    January 12, 2017 at 6:47 pm

    Low profile is always best else open mouth insert foot. Also charged with heroin possession and now trying to kick it via methadone clinic it appears. She seems to still be in need of help. That’s why you keep a low profile

  • Turd Burglestein
    January 12, 2017 at 6:21 pm

    Hey Fiesty if you’re looking for a new Pokemon Go hotspot I think their is one in my pants! LMAO!

    • Turd Burglestein
      January 13, 2017 at 7:16 am

      There’s a party in my pants…climb up my leg and have a ball.

      • I'm not a lawyer, but I play one on T.V.
        January 13, 2017 at 7:46 am

        If you HAD balls, Turd.

        • Turd's Agent
          January 13, 2017 at 8:25 am

          Turd – your fan base is ever so growing with your desired disgust and as your agent, I suggest you re-think your position onto Raw Sewage Exposure and its effect on (and I mean on) retarded women that consider themselves a lawyer.

          We would have to upgrade this project to Rated X given the fact toward your desire to take a big steamy dump onto Fiesty’s face while she masterbates and sings Poop Song-Potty Training 101.

          Exhibit A:

          https://youtu.be/Vtq1XV6ZVOc

  • Turd Burglestein
    January 12, 2017 at 6:02 pm

    WAIT A MINUTE! I’m starting to think this entire blog is just made up of regurgitated Facebook garbage…………..well I guess it saves me the trouble. Look me up on FB my handle is Romantic508Guy.

  • Joe Shmidlap
    January 12, 2017 at 5:36 pm

    I bet if you threw some grain down on the ground she would fight you for it… little piggy ….. squeal little piggy squeal ……

    A message from the law offices of Shmidlap and Shmidlap

  • Mr Butthurt
    January 12, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    Would never hit that

  • Phong
    January 12, 2017 at 5:20 pm

    I’d do her just so at the last second I could scream :”LOOK OUT FOR THE MAILBOXES!!!”

  • Dr. Eugenics
    January 12, 2017 at 5:03 pm

    Give this cunt a hysterectomy stat.

  • Johnny Cock-ring
    January 12, 2017 at 5:01 pm

    “It wasn’t even an accident… more like a fender bender”

    Prosecutor: “Thanks for admitting there was an incident.”

    “I was not impaired or on any ILLEGAL drugs”

    Prosecutor: “So they were prescription with a warning on the bottle etc. I rest my case.”

  • Shackleford
    January 12, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    What a dumpster fire she is.

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