Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information, and check out our website about types of advertising we offer.
Check out this oompa-loompa:
What the hell is going on in Douglas these days? Granted, when you share a border with Douglas, you’re gonna get some cheesehogs seeping through the cracks. But we’ve found a bunch of these people this week. And this one might take the cake. Actually, she takes a lot of cake:
God save the Queen.
This chick’s hitting mailboxes, high as a kite at 1:00 PM on a Tuesday, with an infant in the backseat. I mean, there seems to be a never ending supply of these sewer guppies. How is the baby released to the family? Like this gravy dumpster isn’t gonna have her back in the car in no time.
Anyway, normally when you get busted and humiliated like this, you wanna keep a low profile. Sometimes the fam might show up with some hot takes like, “only God can judge,” and “if you don’t know her then keep her name out your mouth,” or the crowd favorite “free my boi.” But you hardly ever see the people themselves show up, because they’re too busy hiding in shame.
Not this fupasloth though. She couldn’t help herself:
The truth? You hit three mailboxes, your car was fucked up, you were drunk, and you were all jammed on pills with your baby in the backseat. But yea, can’t wait until the “truth comes out.” I’m sure this was all a big misunderstanding.
Yea, those mailboxes knocked themselves over!! Very exaggerated!!
Well, you won’t be found innocent, that’s for sure. Because that’s not how court works. And you definitely won’t be found not guilty. Ya know, because of Exhibit A:
Yea, definitely not on drugs. Because when I look at this face the first thing I think is “sober.”
Unprofessional appears to be her buzzword of choice. Because Jill Porter, a woman who was driving drunk at 1 PM with her child in the car, redefines professionalism.
I’m sure that time Jill Porter was arrested and charged after robbing the Family Convenience in Douglas was also a huge setup by unprofessional cops:
She commented basically to every single person who had something to say. Because everyone knows that real justice is meted out in the comments section of the Douglas PD Facebook page. Everything is an exaggeration. The police are corrupt. All this fake news is nothing but lies. I know a guy in Fitchburg who she would totally hit it off with, and maybe even give her the D. If only he swung that way.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.