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Drunken Lancaster Selectman Rehires Town Manager Who Was Previously Fired For Being Found Drunk, Covered In Puke With Pants Down On Car He Drove From Strip Club

Drunken Lancaster Selectman Rehires Town Manager Who Was Previously Fired For Being Found Drunk, Covered In Puke With Pants Down On Car He Drove From Strip Club

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TurtlegramOrlando Pacheco, the former town administrator of Lancaster, could be the new town administrator, pending contract negotiations. He was selected from three finalists Thursday afternoon to fill the position left vacant when Ryan McNutt left. A screening committee forwarded three finalists to the Board of Selectmen last week, with selectmen interviewing them Wednesday afternoon. The board met Thursday to vote on its choice. Pacheco, of Peabody, served as town administrator for several years, leaving in 2014 when his contract was not renewed. He then served as purchasing/energy/facilities director in Haverhill.

The selectmen Thursday debated the merits of Pacheco and Don Lowe, the current town administrator in Bolton, a post he has held since 2009 after serving as director of the Clinton Office of Community and Economic Development. David Van Dam, of Swampscott, a former selectmen in his home town, who serves as chief of staff for the mayor of Haverhill, was the third candidate, but the last choice of all three selectmen. They said they thought he would do better in a larger community. Before the selectmen made a unanimous decision in favor of Pacheco, selectmen Walter Sendrowski and Mark Grasso wrestled with the decision, noting the town would do well with either candidate.

I know what you’re thinking – “Hey Turtlefucker – who gives a shit about who the town manager of Lancaster is?”  Well, meet Orlando Pacheco:

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There he is in all his glory. Covered in what appears to be feces, puke, and broken dreams.

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This incident, which happened in 2012, even made it across the pond to the Daily Mail:

A town administrator was found drunk and passed out on the hood of his car last August with his pants down after driving from a strip club. When police arrived, they gave 33-year-old Orlando Pacheco three sobriety tests, each of which he failed, court documents revealed. Pacheco then reportedly explained to officers that he was the town leader for Lancaster, Massachusetts. He also added: ‘I’m having a really bad night.’ Westborough Police officer Steve Reale told WBZ-TV that he found Pacheo passed out in a gas station with his pants down. He said Pacheco drove drunk from a strip club in Worcester to a gas station in Westborough, roughly eleven miles apart. Court documents state the town administrator didn’t remember where he had his last drink.

There’s drunk, and then there’s Sweaty Betty’s drunk. This mother fucker got Sweaty Betty’s drunk. He couldn’t even keep his pants on for the car ride home, and maybe have gotten lost because Westborough is nowhere near Lancaster.

But I guess time heals all wounds because he was somehow hired again, four years after being fired for being a drunken embarrassment. Oh yea, and he also sued the town for a year’s severance pay after they terminated his contract.

So my question is, who does this guy have pictures of? Because that’s obviously what’s going on here. One of the guys on the Board of Selectman, who just voted unanymously to bring back this pantsless wonder, must have been caught on film in North Korean rub n’ tug. I can’t think of any other way this guy could’ve been REHIRED after this shit. It’s insane.


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Well, here’s what Selectman Mark Grasso had to say about it:

Pacheco drew criticism from the time he was in Lancaster, from inappropriate comments made to female employees to a drunk driving arrest that made national headlines. The New Year’s Eve vote not to renew his contract eventually led to a recall of two selectmen. Despite Pacheco’s past, Grasso praised his “forward thinking mentality.” Ultimately, Grasso said, “I know it’s a controversial decision.”


Forward thinking mentality? Dude, it’s friggin Lancaster. It’s a cowtown of zero significance. You don’t need a forward thinker. You just need a basic guy with a degree in management to run your town. Ya know who could do the job you just hired him to do? Both of the other candidates and half of the staff at Turtleboy Sports Enterprises.

Well as it turns out Mark Grasso also has a proclivity for getting shitcocked and getting behind the wheel of a car:

“Lancaster Selectman Mark A. Grasso Jr. was arraigned in District Court on Monday on charges that he drove the wrong way up a one-way street in Sterling while under the influence of drugs Friday and causing a minor crash with another vehicle. Grasso, 28, of 64 Chace Hill Road, was arrested by Sterling police about 10 p.m., after the minor crash on Chocksett Road. No one was injured in the crash, according to the police report. Grasso is charged with operating under the influence of drugs, driving without a license, marked-lanes violations, negligent operation of a motor vehicle, and driving the wrong way on a state highway.”

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First of all, how is he only 28, and the town manager is in his mid 30’s? Don’t they have anyone in this town with a little more life experience who can actually run the joint? But wait, it gets better….

The driver of the other vehicle told police Saturday that Grasso offered him $10,000 not to report the accident to police and that he would pay for any damages, according to the police report.

Oh good, the town selectman tried to bribe a guy so he could get away with a dangerous crime. Good thing he’s still an elected official!! It’s not like we have a process of removing an elected official before their term has ended. I can’t RECALL anything that allows citizens to do that.

When the officer asked for his driver’s license, Grasso said he had misplaced it, according to the narrative of the traffic stop. He also admitted to drinking two beers six hours before driving and taking the sedative Lorazapam, which he told the officer may have impaired his ability to drive. Grasso’s eyes appeared to be bloodshot, and he was having difficulty standing, according to the police report. While performing a field sobriety test, Grasso had difficulty balancing on one foot, and told the officer, “I am done, go ahead and take me to jail, I (expletive) my life up,” according to the police narrative.

LOL. “I fucked my life up.” No you didn’t. Because apparently no one in Lancaster gives a shit if their town is run by drunks and drug addicts!!! Turns out he’s kind of an asshole too:

The officer who transported Grasso to the hospital described him as being “extremely uncooperative with hospital staff” and refusing a blood test because he is a “diabetic.” The officer who transported Grasso back to the police station from the hospital reported being “overcome by the aroma of a sweet smell of alcohol,” according to the narrative. During the booking process, Grasso also accused the police of stealing his debit card, and he refused a chemical breath test because of the chest pains he said he was experiencing, according to the narrative. One officer’s report of the booking process described Grasso as being “extremely uncooperative and obstinate.”

Oh, and guess what? This asshat lectures other people about the dangerousness of the opiate epidemic:

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Bro, you drive down one way streets in Sterling all fucked up and crash into other people. You don’t get to lecture other people about substance abuse and illegal immigration. You are a joke and a slob. And I’d be EMBARRASSED to say a nudnik like you represents the town I live in.

Jesus H. Christ, and I thought politics was fucked up in Worcester. Can’t say I’ve ever seen anything like this before by someone whose last name wasn’t Kennedy. Look, I don’t pretend to know the first thing about Lancaster. It’s there. It exists. It’s in Central Massachusetts. I just have zero reason to ever go there unless I’m trying to get to 495 from the twin cities. I know it’s in a good school district, which means people who live there are normal, law abiding, taxpaying citizens. I’d just really love to know how a town like this allows something like this to happen. Seriously, how do elect a combative dickwad 28 year old drunk to serve as your selectman, and then have ZERO PROBLEM when he hires back a town manager who previously lost his job for being found pantsless and covered in puke on a car he was driving home from the strip club?

Mind boggling.


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31 Comment(s)
  • Clueless in Lancaster
    April 5, 2017 at 9:52 pm

    Wow. Just wow. I’m going to probably regret admitting this- but, I live in Lancaster, have for 5 years in August…had NO idea this shit show goes on.
    May be time to hop into local politics. I mean, if they’ll have me – I’m a female over 40, no OUIs, no kids with felonies, reasonably intelligent, professional, pursuing Master’s degree, am not as hideous as one poster assumes all Lancaster chicks are… Hmm, might be my new venture! Did I day “Wow”?

  • Keith
    April 5, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    Saw him drinking Jameson shots and beer the night he allegedly drank 2 beers 6 hours earlier, shortly before his arrest. Remember seeing article Monday in paper and telling my girl that’s the asshat I was telling you about.

  • Susan
    April 5, 2017 at 4:51 am

    This one is gay even by Turtleboy standards.

    • Boomer2
      April 5, 2017 at 8:18 am

      Maybe what Lancaster needs is a strip joint. …before Clinton gets there ahead of them. It could be like one of those Kentucky Saloons on the border. The drinking goes on in the Clinton side of the building and the dancing girls at the other end.

      • Hunter Thompson's Ghost.
        April 5, 2017 at 12:00 pm

        Or they could have dancing boys too. These people are total fucktards! Grasso is an arrogant little fucker that chases so many broads I can’t believe he doesn’t have syph or some such.

  • Chris
    April 5, 2017 at 4:48 am

    Is this…an article about a 5+ year old DUI and a selectmen trying to draw attention to the opiate epidemic?

    I don’t want to join the “Turtleboy Sucks Now” crowd…please don’t make me…

  • Kerri Bishop
    April 5, 2017 at 1:03 am

    Turtleboy needs to create a copy and paste form for family/friends support comments because 1 they never have a new point
    2, it’s always incoherent what these morons write, and if you had a copy and paste standard reply we could at least understand it.

    something like,
    Who is Turtleboy and why is he so perfect?
    Only God can Judge
    You don’t know the whole story
    Oh, so you’re perfect? Must be why you can judge others!
    You’re racist!!!

    Might really make things more streamlined on the comments. Just an idea!! 🙂

  • Clowntown
    April 4, 2017 at 11:57 pm

    That dude looks like he’s mid 30’s. Must be hard living when you’re an alcoholic who’s deeper in the closet than grandma’s Christmas sweater.

  • EmfnT
    April 4, 2017 at 11:57 pm

    You need to do a bit more digging. Did these two losers beat their charges in court? Even I’d they did, I can’t believe that the residents of Lancaster would allow this. Neither one of these two nudniks is qualified to manage a pizza shop, never mind an actual municipality. Holy smokes!

  • whatevuh
    April 4, 2017 at 10:58 pm

    Lancaster is like Northampton East, bunch of stuck up SJW’s with lots of apple trees that defend polywogs all day. There isn’t one pretty woman in that entire fucking town

  • Jeff
    April 4, 2017 at 10:44 pm

    Turtle boy, I know both Mark and Orlando. Being a local boy from Lancaster I can say this, you said nothing that either one of them has done for the town. For years, Lancaster has been a “good ole boys” town with old school beliefs. Orlando started bringing in businesses that are sorely needed for the over taxed residents of Lancaster and Mark is following in his footsteps! But, I guess your perfect and have done nothing wrong in your life, so you have the right to shit on people that you really know nothing about!

    • no wool covering my eyes
      April 5, 2017 at 6:01 am

      Seems like the old boys still run the place. Instead of seeing where all the tax monies are going, they’re just generating more taxes for all their “pet projects”.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      April 6, 2017 at 2:10 am

      You forgot “only God can judge”… if you’re going to do the shtick, at least go full force with it

  • Nytrogirl9
    April 4, 2017 at 8:41 pm

    This is the best piece of honest and straightforward journalism I have yet to see. AMEN!!! You deserve a Grammy. Oh wait that’s Hollywood bullshit – not real life.

  • Coach
    April 4, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    Coach is thinking about this one as he grabs another Sierra Nevada.

  • bigdaddy
    Orlando P
    April 4, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    The funny thing is Lancaster is a dry town You need to go to Clinton to get shitfaced

  • Flat Brimmed Turtle
    April 4, 2017 at 5:57 pm

    Winner of Ratchet Madness tournament get’s the job as the new town Manager of Lancaster, provided they are under 35!!!!

  • bird
    April 4, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    Why do these small towns now need town administrators?

  • BobnMic gay & bored
    April 4, 2017 at 5:51 pm

    You know how many times that happened to me when I was on the force? You can only rim so many suspects as a form of interrogation. Especially when you’ve just pounded a bottle of Jack Daniels! Trust me, I was a professional, I should know!

  • Turd Burglestein
    April 4, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    Damned if that hasn’t happened to me numerous times before. Only difference is there was semen mixed in with my vomit. You can only blow so many guys when you’re drunk, take it from a professional!

    • ZephyrCat's Gaping Anus
      April 4, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      That sounds yummy Turd. I usually just suck it back out of my ass because I love the taste of anal sex so much, but I’ll have to give vomit a try.

  • ZephyrCat's Gaping Anus
    April 4, 2017 at 5:46 pm

    Man is that guy lucky he didn’t get drunk and pass out in the parking lot of a gay bar like I did. I haven’t shit right since then…..I shit left. Maybe Tredge Burglestein will sell me some coke. I hear that shit numbs up the back door good and I sure could use some relief from my butthurt.

  • Tommy Chong
    April 4, 2017 at 4:56 pm

    Oh wow man… I think I need to hang out in Lancaster man!

  • Nancy
    April 4, 2017 at 4:55 pm

    Because if you knew Orlando you would understand! He is smart as a whip, and one of the best Town Manager’s I’ve had the pleasure of working with. Besides this happened 5 years ago and now that he’s married and a father he’s settled down – besides he did such a good job for Lancaster that they are lucky to have him back.

    • bigdaddy
      Orlando P
      April 4, 2017 at 7:07 pm

      Thanks Mom BTW is my laundry done yet

      • John Schumacher
        April 5, 2017 at 8:09 am

        We have three people in town who don’t like these two guys:
        Cliff McMullen: local unemployed man-child
        Jean Syria: bipolar, recalled selectman. Broke as a joke and her son did time for armed robbery. Nice folks.
        Susan Smiley: another recalled selectman, lost her job and her marriage but gained a lot of weight. Also gained a hack job with the state; the spoils of her time working campaigns for a certain state senator.

        I’m guessing one of those three sent you this story: sorry you got tricked. Any one of those three bozos is a more interesting story.

        • Maybury John
          April 6, 2017 at 10:45 am

          I give this post ‘Hi Marks’

    • Agent Smith
      April 4, 2017 at 7:26 pm

      You are a stupid cunt, Nancy.

    • comeonlancaster
      April 4, 2017 at 10:29 pm

      “Besides this happened 5 years ago and now that he’s married and a father he’s settled down…”

      So when did he and Grasso tie the knot?

    • comeonlancaster
      April 4, 2017 at 10:30 pm

      Maybe Grasso was out checking for icy roads on 190 like Tim Murray was…

    • cpo
      May 1, 2018 at 11:16 pm

      He wasn’t settled down 2 years ago when I found his business card from Haverhill tucked between the mattresses of the bed of the whore I was renting out out a room to no joke.

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