A couple people sent me a link from a YouTube channel called “Active Self Protection,” showing a drunken boob getting kicked out of a bar in Haverhill and then pulling out a knife and trying to go full OJ.
Well, that escalated quickly. Don’t get me wrong, this guy is a drunken asshole, but at least he was funny about it. Plus, it was hard to be sympathetic towards the people he was trying to stab. If you’re gonna try to slice someone, at least make me laugh with anecdotes like this one:
Drunken Boob: “I’m from fucking Southie. I’m from Southie.”
Hardo: “I’m gonna knock you out buddy.”
Drunken Boob: “Good, knock me the fuck out. NO!! You can’t even do it. You two punch!! You couldn’t even knock me the fuck out!!”
And he did this all while wearing cargo pants.
His Jncos and carpenter jeans must’ve been in the wash. I haven’t seen a nice pair of cargo pants since the Bush 2 years.
Just to review what went down, it all began when the guy showed up wasted to pick up his Chinese food at Yummy’s, and apparently he caused a disruption inside that forced him to be kicked out.
Once he was out the problem was solved. But for some reason the chinstrapped leprechaun wanted to get into a pissing match with a guy who hasn’t been sober since prohibition. You cannot reason with people like this, which is why he kept trying to bitch slap the chinstrapped leprechaun while the guy who works there tried to break it up.
Meanwhile they all got mad at the cameraman for not calling 911, even though they should’ve been thanking him for filming horizontally.
I’d estimate that at least 95% of people in this situation film this vertically, which prevents us from getting still shots like that one. People who whine about other people who film are the absolute worst. Keep the cameras rolling boys, the rest of the world needs entertainment.
It looked like it was gonna be a hilarious slap fight, but then all of a sudden the Southie slop donkey pulled out a blade.
At this point the appropriate thing to do would be to run. This guy is clearly insane, drunk, has no fucks to give, and thinks he’s living in the Southie project circa 1978 when it was perfectly normal to bust out a blade during the middle of a fight. But instead the chinstrapped leprechaun kept trying to be the hero no one asked for.
First he went for his knees.
When that didn’t work out he literally tried stabbing him in the face, and despite connecting with his hand that was holding the blade, did not cut the chinstrapped leprechaun.
Eventually all the men hid inside, but there was just one problem.
He forgot his wife. So he pushed the Southie slop donkey hoping that she would run towards the door and he would close it. But of course she stood there and did nothing instead.
This led to some more hilarious bitch slaps that reigned down upon the chinstrapped leprechaun.
Despite the fact that he easily could’ve killed someone, this made me laugh out loud several times while watching it. Then for some reason the camera man attempted to engage him in a conversation about what just happened, because clearly this was a man who could be reasoned with.
Cameraman: “You pulled a blade on them.”
Southie slop donkey: “I had to.”
Cameraman: “No you didn’t.”
Southie slop donkey: “What do you mean I didn’t?”
Cameraman: “You could’ve just walked away.”
Southie slop donkey: “Walked away from 5 guys?”
Cameraman: “Keep your distance.”
Southie slop donkey: “Shut the fuck up.”
But….why? Does this look like a who thought it wasn’t justified to pull out a knife and start stabbing chinstrapped leprechauns?
In his mind everything that just transpired was perfectly normal, and although he was confused when he was finally arrested, he didn’t really seem surprised by the fact that he was.
Just another Friday night out picking up Chinese food. This one was my favorite quote:
“Five people came at me. The Chinese guy was nice.”
You can say he’s a lot of things, but at least he’s not racist against the Chinese. The Southie slop donkey definitely does NOT call it the Wuhan virus.
Just for some context this video was shot in January, so don’t freak out and call the cops on them for being open. It was only recently sent to this big channel by the guy who filmed it. And as it turns out the cameraman is a guy who’s been featured on Turtleboy several times before. The leader of the heterosexual pride brigade, who along with fellow organizer John Hugo just screams, “heterosexual sex.”
A man who came on the live show and walked out because we weren’t taking his straight pride parade seriously because we didn’t believe he was oppressed. A man who got Bret Killoran to say one of the greatest lines in Live show history, that ended up being made into a t-shirt:
Now I never had anything against Samson, even though he did befriend Josh Abrams.
Him and I kissed and made over that. Plus, I really never had anything against him. It was Bristol Blarney who had a stick up her ass about exposing him as some sort of white nationalist, when in reality he was just Samson – a man looking to be oppressed by something.
Here’s what Samson wrote in the comments.
- Samson thought the drunk guy was the good guy and wanted to film it in case he got hurt
- When the guy took out a knife he thought about pulling out his gat
- The crazy drunk guy flailing a knife everywhere “didn’t seem like much of a threat” to Samson because he is Captain Kung Fu
- He rightfully blames the chinstrapped leprechaun for not just going inside
- Of course he has to mention how he trains in something called “Krav Maga” and said that he was “confident in my empty-handed skills,” because Samson doesn’t need a gun to take down a bad guy
- Samson is an Uber driver and as it turned out the drunk guy was the one he was there to pick up
That is the most Samson story of all time. Again, I got nothing against the dude, but only he could tell a story like that.
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Is it my imagination that this entire scuffle was in slow motion? Why didn’t someone just grab this drunks arms & make him drop the blade? They had plenty of chances.
Pro tip: never patronize a bar in a strip mall that’s between a nail salon and a pizza joint.
Idiot: “I’m from southie!”
Good response: “Yeah, and this gun is from Smith and Wesson”
Samson Simpson I stick to my story!
He’s from Southie! That automatically makes him a badass, so LOOKOUT!
Who is the hambeast in the UGGS? Does she know how to do The Dougie?
abominable beasts walk the Earth, and i don’t mean Southie but the hungry after 15 minutes woman in skintight pants. i shudder, thinking about her and the new attitude towards glutton unhealthiness. meanwhile, Southie popped chinstrap with a couple of swooping lefts and left victorious with his puppy bag/doggie bag and determined to find Attorney Vulva.
Or stick your nose into other people’s business
It could cost you your life
but i’m just stocking the grocery shelves..
Oyummy Asian Bistro – Haverhill
Hey, show more of the blond cop chick. She was the only thing in the blog worth seeing. Sucky camera man not getting a shot of her ass. What is he gay?
I bet he was released early due to China virus
Wry amerlican girrrs aweeyes sro frat???
Im from Southie. Guarantee the drunk isnt either. Nobody from Southie goes north especially haverhill. If this happened in weymouth or quincy id believe it. Just some drunk from some fag north shore town tryin to get street cred. Also tell those fat chicks that there are shirts that come in their size.
I agree, those who come here regularly know I’m from Quincy but my family, like a couple hundred others from Southie emigrated to Quincy during busing when I was a wee lad. I grew up with cousins and close friends from the hood and I’m familiar with the culture and the traditions. This poser ain’t from Southie. Southie street brawlers, especially from this guys generation, never ran their mouths, they let their fists do the talkin, and Southie guys don’t need to yell out “ I’m from Southie” because….. why would you? Especially if your out of town, why give the cops a precinct to go look at mugshots if they’re looming for a suspect. And finally everybody in this video is further proof Turtleboys no racist he has as much fun shaming white trash as any other race! All ratchets deserve a TurtleBoy beat down…yahoo!
Samson sounds gayer than Mac on It’s Always Sunny.
Just had Chinese take-out for din. My fortune cookie: ‘If you think no one cares if you’re alive… try missing a couple car payments’.
Everyone involved are douchebags:
— methadone Southie guy.
— drunks from the Chinese restaurant (especially the sea-cows)
Haverhill is a shithole
How come white people cant fight?
Because of helicopter parenting and time outs
I can fight, meet me at 120 gaslight drive in Weymouth. I’ll tune you up, me bad!
Bring some chink food
Too busy building a vast portfolio of wealth to be bothered.
Which gang signs do you throw? Have you ever met your father?
Holy shit.Peyton Manning has really let himself go!
Wtf. I thought he pulled out a nail clipper.
That man slapped a gimp, multiple times. HERO
This guy gives gimps a bad name
The idiot woman shrieking is lucky her beloved Michael didn’t get stabbed in the eye at 3:49 mark. Little fella takes his eyes off the wannabe Winter Hill OG to tell his loudmouth girl everything’s ok
Luck-o-the Irish is the only reason everything was ok. It certainly wasn’t street smarts
Did the dude drive there? Cops should’ve busted him if he was.
Those hefty chicks probably kick ass as wrestlers. They should’ve pinned the dude down
Ahh uber. Never mind
Nothing worse than fat chicks screaming just cause that’s what they do, then the two dudes not bright enough to just walk inside, then the dopey cameraman feeling it’s his part to engage the Whitey wannabe in a meaningful conversation. Strike 1,2,3 I see dumb people.
For context: That’s Oyummy Asian Bistro Restaurant, smack dab in the middle of one of the most ratchet shopping “plazas” in Haverhill that’s not located in The Acre or Mt. Washington. The same plaza used to house a Building 19…and that location has been abandoned ever since Building 19 went out of business -years- ago.
If you go to that plaza for anything but Mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhketbesgit or Aubachon Hardware, chances are you’re not one of life’s winners.
Spot on analysis of this dust-up. Dr. Ferdie Pacheco couldn’t have called it any better.
Props to chinstrap leprechaun for not killing himself already. I would have Robin Williams’d myself years ago if I was a midget with a limp and a gross wife.
P.s. Those straight pride guys are a couple of faggots
“Mom! I said fag and spic on the internet again!! LMAOLMOALOL!!!” – you every day probably
I’m sorry you’re stuck in your studio apartment with diego and 6 of his cousins but you don’t have to take it out on me.
Only the Gays are allowed to have parades in Massachusetts.
Southie changed. He didn’t.
Fat shrieking women who can’t walk through a door or run away, tarded chinstrap short man. Ratchet cluster fuck all drawn to the drama. Too bad a runaway car didn’t take them all out.
I’m surprised this guy didn’t name-drop Whitey Bulger. I bet he knew him.
The Southie tuxedo sure has changed.
The trash from Southie has not.
Always was a shithole and always will be.
You couldn’t afford to live there tool. Condo starts at 500,000
Haverhill is not Southie
Not sure if you noticed – Southie isnt Southie anymore. At least the one the drunk guy was referring too.