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Every Monday morning I wake up and ask myself, “I wonder what people are gonna be outraged by today?” Then I signed onto Facebook and saw that the Ware Police are looking for a shoplifter.
As you can see, this is a very dangerous criminal on the loose. Thoughts and prayers to anyone who crosses his path. He might run over your toes with his skateboard if you’re not paying attention.
You’ll also notice that he looks like he’s out celebrating the sprouting of his first pubes.
I have no idea how old that kid is, or why the WPD is looking for him, but I have faith there’s a good reason for it. This is Ware. It’s a magical cesspool where people who are born there are unable to leave. If they’re lucky they get a job as a greeter at Walmart, but more often than not they have a long future of cashing SSI checks and an eventual appearance on the Ware Police mugshot Hall of Fame. Who can forget our blog on the Top 25 Ware Mugshots from a couple years back? People shoplift every day in Ware and most don’t make it onto the WPD Facebook page. I’m guessing this kid did something special to earn his way onto the big board.
Sure, it might seem in poor taste to shame a kid this young for a crime that many adults got away with back in the day. But on the other hand, public shaming often fixes everything. It’s what we do every day at Turtleboy Sports and the results speak for themselves. Just ask the dermatologist who parked in a handicapped spot last week. Maybe, just maybe, this incident of public shaming will prevent a future of this:
Do you want your kid to grow up and become Kevin Blackmer? Perhaps if the Street Sweeper himself had been shamed at a younger age he could’ve straightened up and flied right. Instead he grew up to be one of the most notorious pieces of shit in Turtleboy history.
Nevertheless the free muh boi (literally a boi this time) was out in full force, starting with a guy claiming to be his father.
Of course the guy who claims to be Dad is already blaming this on autism. It’s the new ratchet dindu nuffin. As soon as they figured out that autism was a thing they could use to excuse shitty behavior word began to spread in the underground slopqueef community. I say “claims” because I don’t see any pictures of this kid on his Facebook page, even though he’s got pics of other crotch fruits. Kind of odd. Plus, that kid who the cops are looking for is young, but he ain’t 12. Also…..
I’m not saying that baby ain’t yours, but……that baby probably ain’t yours. Just sayin.
However, because the town barber claimed that it was his kin, and that the boy is autistic, it became a fact.
As did the fact that he was 12.
And because it’s Ware more and more people claiming to be relatives started coming out of the woodwork.
Maraglia here has the rural version of the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat.
The look at my fish selfie. Nuff said.
The outrage patrol also voiced their displeasure.
Oh no, not bullied!! This is another thing ratchets do – whine about public shaming by making the baseless claim that it will lead to “bullying.” If you’re a kid at Ware High School who makes it onto the WPD Facebook page you don’t get bullied; you get a blowjob. And then you never leave Ware. Ever.
Meanwhile Jimi here was white knighting and willing to take the rap on the kid’s behalf.
Oh look, enabling. That will definitely help the kid learn his lesson.
Anyway, it is kind of weird that they’d throw someone up there this young, and for the crime alleged. After all, this is Ware. The cops could post a million times a day about some chud stealing from Cumby’s. But at the end of the day I’m sure they had their reasons, and it’s probably the best thing that will ever happen to this individual.