All-Star Criminals

Falmouth Fuckweaseles Caught Breaking Into Over A Dozen Cars Go Full Dindu Nuffin, Claim Stolen Items Were All Gifts



Stop me if you’ve heard this before, but a couple junkpumps were arrested down in Brockton by the Sea for breaking into cars.

I for one am shocked. They just don’t look at all like the kind of people who will break into your car because they have the “disease,” and then hide behind a God damn bush, like the cops won’t find them there.

I know, I know, stories like this are a dime a dozen so who cares, right? Well it got interesting once the Falmouth Fuckweasel went on Facebook to announce the many ways in which she dindu nuffin.


Yea guys, you don’t know how she acquired a backpack full of stolen merchandise. The cops were really just “ass wholes.”

But even her friends were like…..but….you did it. She had a response for that.

Yea, lots of people bring around equipment for breaking into cars for “safety.” Plus, you never know when you’re gonna drive your non-existent car into the ocean, so you should probably have one on you at all times in case you need to smash the window. And the fact that they’re clearly junkies who possessed all of the reportedly stolen items is a coincidence. Plus, she has a star witness – her “mah.” She bought all them shits for her.

As a general rule of thumb I assume that anyone who calls them “cigs” has some food stamps they’re willing to sell me. I think we all can guess what her brand of choice is.

She might as well have Newport Lights tattooed on her forehead.

Anyway, she’s really busy looking for “employment,” and fucking around with dog filters, so she doesn’t have time for anyone else’s bullshit.

Just understand she dindu nuffin and free muh boi 100 emoji.



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46 Comment(s)
  • Turd Reversalist
    November 22, 2019 at 3:18 am

    That guy has death’s icy grip on him right now but the young lady would still clean up nicely.
    It is my professional opinion that she may still benefit from a brisk booty battering as a teaching moment.
    It’s not too late to turn her over and turn her life around.

  • Rob Perkins
    November 21, 2019 at 4:19 am

    common slut junky pig

  • Lee Ho
    November 20, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    Those two clowns look like they were in a Meth lab when it exploded.

    • Y
      November 20, 2019 at 6:08 pm

      Crowns in meth rab! Ha!

  • ncfoothillbilly
    November 20, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    Youd think Steve Buscemi could keep his son off the streets.

    • Y
      November 20, 2019 at 6:07 pm

      I was looking for a good Steve Buscemi clip, but got sidetracked with that video of Bill Clinton’s accuser.
      Great catch!

      • ncfoothillbilly
        November 20, 2019 at 6:21 pm

        How about this?

        • Y
          November 20, 2019 at 6:44 pm

          Nailed it!

    • Carl Showalter
      November 20, 2019 at 8:37 pm

      I wouldn’t mind seeing him get fed into a woodchipper.

  • Captain Trips
    November 20, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    If I ever run into a junkbox ODing in a public restroom I’ll turn off the light, close the door, and put an “Out of Order” sign on it.

  • The angry taint
    November 20, 2019 at 3:53 pm

    Anyone who leaves their cars unlocked and with valuables inside get zero sympathy from me.

  • Gandalf
    November 20, 2019 at 3:46 pm

    I saw that dude’s mugshot and I couldn’t stop laughing!

    Didn’t Gollum fall into the fire in Mount Doom?

  • Judge dread
    November 20, 2019 at 2:32 pm

    The judge was thinking about become a porn movie producer and I was like I need a niche in order for it to succeed. These two- dirty junkie you name it these people fit the bill. Pay is $100 show up on time.

  • Washashore
    November 20, 2019 at 1:40 pm

    “Brockton by the Sea” is a term of endearment reserved exclusively for Hyannis (Hyanus). Indeed Maravista and Seacost Shores are true cesspools of humanity…

  • Vinnie Severe
    November 20, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    I don’t know why liberals want to treat addicts like victims and give them Narcan
    This is what these fucking maggot heroin addicts are all about
    Let them all OD they’re a drag on society

    • JJ
      November 20, 2019 at 6:14 pm

      liberals want to use narcan for. wait a minute, are you ready for it? Because its liberals who use the drugs. Just like everything else in their life they dont want to take responsibility or repercussion’s for their actions!

      I hear the same story all the time. Junkey shoots the down town dirty brown into their veins then they od only to be revived by OUR HEROS . Then they leave the hospital just minutes after being admitted into the er, just to go out and shoot more down town dirty brown. What a gross life but hey, that pretty much sums up all liberal lives.

  • Y
    November 20, 2019 at 1:33 pm

    All today:

    Baltimore Mayor Catherine Pugh Indicted

    Burisma Holdings Chief ARRESTED

    Hunter Biden named in Burisma Indictment

    Sondland blows Quid Pro Quo Impeachment lie out of the water

    Prince Andrew steps down from “Public Duties”

    It’s a great day to be alive!

    • Dick GoZinya
      November 20, 2019 at 4:41 pm

      Y may I add “Meth, I’m on it ” billboards in South Dakota. A state sponsored ad campaign…

      • Y
        November 20, 2019 at 4:49 pm

        Hahaha, you can’t fix stupid.

        Add it to the list:

  • Russmo
    November 20, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    Can you imagine if these two pieces of shit reproduced
    You’d get Jim Carey

  • You had me at dog filter
    November 20, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    Even though I immensely enjoyed watching the frauditors fry, I’m kind of glad to see a return to the ratchets.

    “She might as well have Newport Lights tattooed on her forehead”
    – classic!

  • My Name Is Marty And I Am An Alcoholic
    November 20, 2019 at 12:26 pm

    With my “safe” injection sites, this will be an everyday occurrence.

    • Boston Residents
      November 20, 2019 at 6:26 pm

      Hey maaahhhhty, I’m happy you were able to finally come out and tell everyone that you’re a raging boozetard. why did you leave out the fact you’re a raging homo sexual? Are you ashamed of being the gay?

      • Marty
        November 20, 2019 at 8:39 pm

        Yes I am. Weren’t you?

  • Lee Ho
    November 20, 2019 at 12:08 pm

    Evidently they go to the same hair dresser.

    • Ho Li Phuk
      November 20, 2019 at 1:59 pm

      Look like it cut with samurai sword, right Lee?

      • Y
        November 20, 2019 at 2:20 pm

        Lee and Ho Li might be my two favorite commenters, in case anyone was wondering hahaha

  • Y
    November 20, 2019 at 12:06 pm

    Something tells me Slick Willie is going to be in serious trouble in the near future.

  • AJ Alphonse
    November 20, 2019 at 12:05 pm

    These two look like they could be related….

  • Kosh Naranek
    November 20, 2019 at 11:53 am

    Could we please put them all on a ice flow and tow them out to the Gulf stream?

  • Lake Flaccid
    November 20, 2019 at 11:47 am

    Why are there so many shitbags on this planet ?

    • Mirror Mirror
      November 20, 2019 at 6:35 pm

      Thank a lib

  • JDC
    November 20, 2019 at 11:44 am

    These people are just a waste to society. I’m so sick of hearing about the “disease”. I have a friend that has leukemia. You can’t compare what she has, to these losers. It’s self inflicted.

  • Liawatha
    November 20, 2019 at 11:37 am

    They had burglary tools for their own safety! They were out just getting cigs! Those items were given to them by their mah! This is an obvious set-up by the jackbooted Falmouth cops! smh.

    • Medford Peter
      November 20, 2019 at 3:41 pm

      I don’t know who brought up burglary tools ? Do U think these idiots would have any clue how to get into a car using burgarly tools? Unless they called rocks burgarly tools? Lol the cars were not locked.

      • Liawatha
        November 20, 2019 at 4:06 pm

        …”Jordan was charged with Possession of Burglarious Instruments” Peter your reading comprehension is subpar. Medford Public Library does offer adult literacy programs. I suggest you enroll. smh.

        • MEDFORD Peter
          November 21, 2019 at 9:03 pm

          My apologies and yes my reading skills are subpar, although I understood and counted 9 different picks of ur drunken face with a different people’s penises on or around it at the party!!.No wonder ur father screwed b4 u came out of that thing u call mom..

      • kristen
        November 21, 2019 at 9:10 am

        ive been trying to reach you from this side. I’m safe now and I can see you. thank your for caring for our daughter! i knew you were the one!! ill see you when you come over…..

  • Mom’s Basement
    November 20, 2019 at 11:32 am

    $100 says they were going to the same thanksgiving dinners before they hooked up.

  • janet el reno
    November 20, 2019 at 11:25 am

    I just love the never ending possibilities one has to annihilate, bend, fold, spindle and mutilate the english language. One thing’s for sure, her mah was never told by anyone that her daughter was a pleasure to have in class. She mentioned employment? God, WHERE?

    • Liawatha
      November 20, 2019 at 11:40 am

      She had a job! She was a clean bed a breakfasts! smh.

  • bigdaddy
    November 20, 2019 at 11:17 am

    Those are 2 of the oldest 25 year olds I have ever seen

  • Don Key Punch
    November 20, 2019 at 10:58 am

    Brockton By The Sea is a spot-on description for that area. Nuttin but trash seems to flow in and out of the Marvista area.

    • Medford Peter
      November 20, 2019 at 3:53 pm

      Now I’m mad I just went out to my car, which was parked in same area of the other cars broken into!!!.I had my wallet with $587.00 dollars in it and now it’s gone they stole it… 5 $100 dollar bills 4 $20 dollar bills and 7 ones. I worked all week for that? I’m going to police department now to file report, just great.

  • crime pays for the ones in the loop
    November 20, 2019 at 10:57 am

    and now the great commonwealth of assholechusettes will begin the process to help these two people.its a money grab for the court jesters,the robed wonder, etc,etc,all making sure that they are giving ,housing,meals,medical etc etc,that we get to pay dearly for. put inmates to work for their care

  • MacManus Turtle
    November 20, 2019 at 10:45 am

    Dying at “junkpump”

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