All-Star Criminals

Fam Shows Up To Defend The Honor Fall River’s Top 10 Most Wanted, Including Creamstick Cushion Once Arrested For Hartford Gangbang

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The Fall River Police’s Top 10 Most Wanted posts are amongst my favorite on the Facebook machine. Here’s your latest crew of south shore skags gone wild….

So evidently Jessica Schoener is wanted for assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, reckless endangerment of a child, and indecent assault and battery on a child under 14.

She seems nice.

On Facebook she goes by Pritt Lynn:

Sure, she might assault children, but at least she’s not fake.

The only posts on her wall as of yesterday seem to consist of strange men leaving sweet nothings….

Hmmmm…..wonder why……

Oh right – she’s a pork parking meter.

But she’s not just a regular hooker, she’s a 5 on 1 creamstick cushion:

Ten people were arrested in connection with a prostitution operation in Manchester including five men for patronizing a prostitute. Members of the East Central Narcotics Taskforce gathered information about an increase in “Johns engaging in the illegal solicitation of prostitutes and related narcotic activities.” Officers set up meetings with the alleged Johns where they had agreed to provide an undercover officer money in exchange for sexual acts.” The meetings took place on Wednesday and lead to five men being arrested for patronizing a prostitute. Those arrested for that charge were 34-year-old Vernon Resident Matthew Morrissette, 22-year-old Vernon Resident Vishaldeep Singh, 24-year-old Vernon Resident Gurpheet Singh, 57-year-old Florence, MA Resident Augustine O’Grady and 28-year-old New Britain Resident Konrad Mataszuk.

Hartford Resident 29-year-old Jessica Schoner was charged with prostitution. She was also charged with possession of cocaine and possession of drug paraphernalia

I had no idea Hartford hookers did gang bangs. Hope she’s getting time and half for that.

Don’t let the filters fool you though…..

This is the worst case of false advertising I’ve ever seen….

Well, at least she won’t be hard to find. By now she’s probably in Lawrence, sucking down mutton daggers like a freeze pop on a 90 degree day.

Also on the list was Dicky Saunders….

He’s wanted for failure to register as a sex offender.

Can’t imagine why.

He doesn’t like it when people try to do stuff behind his back, especially when they do stuff that causes pain and then blame their victims…

Nothing ironic about that at all.

It’s cool though because he’s a follower of Jesus Christ….

And everyone knows Jesus refused to register as a sex offender, which is why they hung him on a cross.

Then there was Robert Walton….

They got him on warrants for violating an abuse prevention order and felony stalking. Didn’t stop the fam from showing up to go all free muh sperm donor….

“My baby shower is off limits to bullshit ass people.”

Newsflash – you’re not supposed to have a baby shower every time some womb broom impregnates you. Do you understand how many parties people in Fall River would have to go to if every illegitimate love child got their own shower? Clear your schedule for the next 20 years. Because of course this prized pig has already fired a couple warning shots out of her baby cannon. But she’s having another shower anyway. Then the taxpayers are gonna shower her with food stamps for eternity because….fuck personal responsibility.

Dog filter. Nuff said.

She also claimed that his whole felony stalking thing was the victim’s fault…

“Dumb women like you call the law for everything and make up lies.”

Translation – the guy who never paid a dime in child support should be allowed to beat the shit out of women without them resorting to calling the cops.

Turns out we just don’t know who the fuck her dad is…..

Then again, neither does she.

Pro tip – if the only time you’ve seen your father in the last calendar year is on the Fall River PD’s Facebook page, don’t show up in the comments and go full ratchet….

Cuz you’re almost definitely gonna make it onto Turtleboy. Just sayin.

10 Comment(s)
  • MikeVronsky
    July 15, 2018 at 9:27 pm

    Fall River is South Coast, not South Shore. We both have a lot of heroin, our people just have to budget it more carefully.

  • Lizzie Borden
    July 15, 2018 at 11:39 am

    How does dusty ass trash like this manage to have children? Honestly, there needs to be an IQ test before procreating.

    Also the fact that she is so desperate for the gifts at her baby shower shows how immature she is. Buy that shit yourself. But let me guess, your food stamps card doesn’t work at Babies-R-Us.

    All of Fall River needs to be thrown the fuck away. Burn it to the ground.

  • Lilly
    July 15, 2018 at 10:43 am

    Gotta love when you see a unfiltered photo and they literally don’t even look like the same person, shit half the time they don’t even look related! lmao. When a girl has nothing but filtered pics on a social website, you should take that as a clue that what is behind those cute little piggy ears, is in fact a blue ribbon hog! It really is false representation. Another reason why I hate Facebook (fakebook).
    I can get past one or two pics with the dog filters when they are taking a picture with their child and it’s more for just having fun with them. But when every picture you take is fake and filtered, it’s like when a guy goes to a bar and takes home a 10 and wakes up with 2

  • Hank
    July 15, 2018 at 7:55 am

    Bootleg Ice T loves that dollar store bathroom selfie. Looks like a guy who asks for change back from strippers.

  • Brain Albrecht
    July 15, 2018 at 4:35 am

    SOUTH SHORE SQUIRTER GIRL what the hell happened? This is an all time shitty blog, even by turtle boy standards. Don’t disrespect the south shore by putting such little effort into your work.

    How much longer does turtle boy have left? The site is basically unusable with all these ads. Traffic must be next to nothing so they compensate by asking for donations LOL! and flooding their own page with ads that dont stop loading. The fall of this trash ass site is well on its way. if you need a new job just let me know, I need a new worker…

    oh yeah sup?

    YO BRET KILLORAN YOU OLD UGLY PUSSY YOU. I GOT A COUPLE ELBOWS OF SOME FIRE BLUE DREAM IM TRYING TO SELL IN BULK. 1400 A LB 21 FOR 2. I KNOW THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY YOURE UGLY WHORE OF A CUNT WOULD LET YOU SPEND MONEY LIKE THAT EVEN IF YOU HAD IT, SO MAYBE GET LIKE IDK 14 OF YOUR DRUG BUDDIES TO POOL 100 EACH AND ILL EVEN DRIVE IT THERE. I CALL THAT THE TURTLE BOY DISCOUNT. DON’T DIE BEFORE GETTING IN TOUCH WITH ME

    • Adblocker
      July 15, 2018 at 6:38 am

      Use an adblocker

    • Translation not found
      July 15, 2018 at 8:01 am

      After years of searching I think I’ve finally found the coolest guy on the internet. Time to go back to my home planet and let the universe know. Bleep bloop

  • itsjustme
    Itsjustme
    July 15, 2018 at 2:39 am

    So how many kids has this 20 year old had already that we pay for?

    • WeAreFucked
      July 17, 2018 at 8:42 am

      Channelle, the tattoo’d whore. She & her entire family are the reason that America will indeed fall in this century. We are currently supporting:
      Her grandmother and all her kids.
      Her mother and all her kids.
      Her’s, her sisters, and her brothers kids.
      We will continue to support her children’s children, as well as the children of her nieces and nephews.

      So because her cunt grandmother and a random sperm donor or three could stop fucking without protection and instead began producing babies they can’t afford to bring up without public assistance, we now have 30+ more people being supported by taxes – thanks to the working middle class.

      Multiply this times the millions of poor and mentally ill couples. Keep multiplying it, like they are, by reproducing everyday. Keep going. See how that number keeps getting larger and larger? Keep going… It won’t ever stop.

      Now multiply the number of responsible people who will conceive the number of children they deem they can handle. Those great people, many just like us TBS readers, will try to bring up well rounded children who will contribute to society. It’s a much smaller though number isn’t it? Keep multiplying it.

      Notice the poor and mentally ill number is 1000 times the number of the contributing members of society, say around 2075?

      America. Done. Broke. Civil Unrest. Chaos. WeAreFucked.

      • itsjustme
        Itsjustme
        July 18, 2018 at 8:43 am

        Sounds exactly like a family I went to school with. I swear every single one of that family all live in the projects. Several generations of them. From the Grandparents down, aunts, cousins, sisters, brothers, second cousin twice removed, you name it, they live there, and they keep having more and more kids. I would love to know how many apartments they take up because I bet it’s between 30 and 40, for one frigging family.

        I think they’re on four generations now, and the ones I went to school with have kids around the age of 15 so I’m just waiting for day one of them announce the “wonderful” news they will be grandparents themselves in their early 30s, even though, they themselves keep popping out kids still left and right.

        One of them is probably only 30 or 31, and she has 13 kids. She would have a couple, the state would take them, have a couple more, state takes them, and she just keeps repeating that cycle over and over. The state should have forced her to be sown shut a long time ago.

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