All-Star Criminals

Fiona Fireball Calls Taunts North Smithfield Cop With Racial Slurs For Missing Her Face With Pepper Spray After Getting White Girl Wasted On Fireball And Crashing Twice


Ladies and gentlemen meet Kirsten Farnsworth.

I don’t know if she’s the biggest ratchet we’ve ever profiled, but she arguably had the most ratchet night in Turtleboy history earlier in the week.

NORTH SMITHFIELD:  A 29-year-old Johnston woman is facing felony charges after a possible two-crash drunk driving spree, followed by multiple reported attempts to assault officers while yelling racial slurs. Kirsten Farnsworth of 84 Cedar St. repeatedly told police that she was a supporter of President Donald Trump throughout the incident, stating the president hates “people like you,” according to reports.

Farnsworth was charged with driving under the influence, refusal to submit to a chemical test, driving with a suspended license, operating a vehicle without the mandated ignition interlock system, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest, assault of a police officer and making threats to public officials following the Tuesday, Feb. 11 incident.

According to reports, police responded to a motor vehicle accident in the area of 63 Old Greenville Road around 5 p.m. Officers found Farnsworth in the driver’s seat of a 2015 Kia Optima that had landed in a ditch in the woods, applying gas in attempt to free the vehicle.  She reportedly fell to the ground immediately after exiting the heavily damaged car. Police noted that some of the vehicle damage appeared to have happened during a separate accident, and that car parts found during investigation of an incident just down the road the same evening matched the Kia.

When police questioned Farnsworth’s claim that she had only ingested “two shots of Fireball,” she reportedly began screaming slurs while referencing the president. As officers attempted to place her under arrest, Farnsworth resisted and continued yelling slurs, according to reports. Once inside, she allegedly began kicking the window of the cruiser.  She was then pepper-sprayed and responded by stating, “you missed my face ni***r.”

After briefly passing out in the car, Farnsworth woke up to continue the rant against officers, the reports state. She fought and kicked at police as they attempted to bring her to the booking room at points stating, “Trump will never forgive you,” and “you’re black, you don’t matter,” according to her arrest report.

“Farnsworth even got up from her chair and tried to kick me while I was near the fingerprinting machine,” noted a report by Off. Michael Akinrola. She also reportedly threatened the officers, telling them she would “find their families.”

When she briefly had her handcuffs removed during a search, she lunged at Off. Kane Terelli, according to accounts by police.

“She informed me multiple times that she has powerful lawyers and that her family has more money than I do,” noted a second report on the incident filed by Off. Mark Bergeron.

Farnsworth’s previous arrest record includes DUIs in Coventry and Providence, and according to the state database, she currently has an ongoing worker’s compensation claim against Stone Depot of Rhode Island, Inc.

Fireball is the official Hennessy for white bitches. You’re safer having 4 mai tais at the Dragon 88 than you are having 2 shots of Fireball and getting behind the wheel of a Kia.

Some might say that it’s a little bit racist for Fiona Fireball to tell a black cop that his life doesn’t matter due to the color of his skin, or to taunt him with the n word while dodging pepper spray. But according to her she’s not racist.

Come on Kenny, you know she’s not racist. Sure, she says a lot of racist shit, but it’s not her fault, it’s the Fireball.

But wait, I thought she “always got myself out of sucky situations,” and vowed that “ima be right back on top.”

The only thing under construction is the accident reconstruction team.

Maybe she can visit her brother in jail?

If he doesn’t get parole then she’s gonna go apeshit. Maybe she’ll like, crash her car twice in a period of minutes, kick cops, call them racial slurs, and try to destroy the fingerprinting machine.

This is why you can’t trust a chick whose Facebook page is entirely made up of duck faced selifes.

Every. Single. Time.


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46 Comment(s)
  • Startled Pancake
    March 2, 2020 at 2:03 pm

    Leave my mom alone

  • Rate This Potential Bang
    February 28, 2020 at 9:38 am

    – Cotton mouth after 18 seconds.
    – Plenty of jerky motions, but no rhythm at all.
    – Very sweaty.
    – Sore penis afterward.

  • WeRFucked
    February 28, 2020 at 9:06 am

    If that first picture with her tongue sticking out isn’t perfect for a “cum tribute” I don’t know what is.

    And because Turtle riders are all upstanding citizens (with the exception of myself) I’ll post a definition for you. “Cum Tribute is when a girl uploads an attractive or sexually orientated photograph of herself. A male will then print the photograph, masturbate to it and then cum onto it. They will then take a photo of the end result and send it to the girl.”

    • Truth
      February 28, 2020 at 11:39 am

      Im glad you explained that. Millennials are like “print the photograph”??? I dont get it.

  • Calm WhiteDad
    February 28, 2020 at 1:46 am

    I bet she’s fun to get a drink with… And the drinks would be absolutely necessary to bang.

  • Silencio Dogood
    February 28, 2020 at 12:36 am

    she’s not racist, her subconscious is, clawing it’s way to that firebombed surface it went hog-wild ratchet, all the while using her in focus I.D. In the end she’s just another one-look selfie, and human Kia in a ditch.

    February 27, 2020 at 10:16 pm

    O god no!
    What do ya know. Another pig bitch from pof that ended up turtle famous. Seems to be a lot of pof hoes who end up turtle famous.
    Gentleman if you are between 18 and 35 this is the type of woman you you will end up marrying one day! A pig bitch who’s rode the cock carousel for years and gave all the best years of her self away. These woman will turn 30 and want to know where all the good men went when they hit the wall, some do before 30. They will demand you respect them and spend your time and money on them like they are a gift all while having had over 100 cocks in them before you. O yeah by the way, they never demand respect before they are ready to settle down with a real man aka beta bucks. This is why I say again and again. Do not get into relationships with them, do not live with them and do nothing for them. Gentleman, work on your self your career and your retirement. Do not give these broads anything beside the dick that they slut pig for! Do not show them where you live either! Fake name, fake number, fake everything! Just fuck them and go on your way. Never use a condom they hand you. Always throw your condom into a ziplock and take it with you when you leave. Give these bitches nothing but a pounding and some throat yogurt & that’s it. Do no favors for them! They is strong independent wahhmans and need no man. Yeah until the lights go out! Seriously gentleman, invest in your self and your future. shes not yours it’s just your turn and just because she tells you she lllooovveeesss you does not mean she does. She loves what you can do and provide her and nothing else. These woman are nothing like the woman before us and dont forget that!

    Too bad she didnt get caught in mass for that dui. She would be doing a mandatory sentence now that even her stinky green oozing vagina couldn’t get her out of! Nasty bitch!

    Wtf is she saying trump dont like blacks. First off, he loves the police and second, he loves blacks Just not the gibmedatzz. Hes not alone either! Their own race hates them just as much as the next. she has severe tds and was saying that to make conservatives look bad. Conservatives are not racist. You know how I know, because we are not demokkkrats! That’s how I know..

    • Sam Losco
      March 2, 2020 at 1:14 pm

      Cut back on the Richard Cooper videos, take a shower, get a haircut, eat something healthy, and leave the house once in a while. Once you finally get laid, your rage will dissipate.

  • Cheddah
    February 27, 2020 at 9:22 pm

    Fireball is the lamest alcohol to ever gain popularity. It’s definitely NOT whiskey (anti-freeze I believe) and even 8 shots of it is still not even stronger than 4 Mai Tai’s Unc . Just sayin…

  • Mike Oxlong
    February 27, 2020 at 9:03 pm

    Totally would. After slapping da bitch around tho. Gross pig but I would. Once.

  • Pete Buttigieg
    February 27, 2020 at 8:33 pm

    When she puckers up like that it reminds me of Chastens sweet little love button.

  • Papa Shango
    February 27, 2020 at 6:52 pm

    Dat ass doh…#SmashCity

  • Morgan and Morgan (for the people)
    February 27, 2020 at 6:05 pm

    Workmen’s Comp case in Rhode Island. Say it ain’t so.

  • Gronk
    February 27, 2020 at 5:19 pm


    • Dan Roche
      February 27, 2020 at 5:39 pm

      …come back to the Patriots???

      Guys, we have breaking news. Gronk is coming out of retirement!!!

  • Hate Dindus
    February 27, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    I missed the racist part I guess.

  • Let me up, I've had enough
    February 27, 2020 at 4:30 pm

    Why, for the love of God do these women purse their lips like that in photographs??



      February 27, 2020 at 5:41 pm

      The duck lips have something to do with the female insecurities. By putting the lips in that position, it accentuates the cheekbones, and tightens the cheeks, so the jowls don’t droop as much. And by lifting the chin, the double chin isn’t as obvious.

    • Annoyed Turtle Girl
      February 27, 2020 at 7:40 pm

      Agreed. They look friggin reduckuless. A good lady Turtle Rider would never make such a face.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Ray Patriarca
    February 27, 2020 at 4:13 pm

    What a cunt !

    • Ray Patriarcas Consigliere
      February 27, 2020 at 4:22 pm

      The Boss has spoken.

  • Mister Rogers
    February 27, 2020 at 4:12 pm

    After looking at Fupa Tuesday, Fiona Fireball looks better and better. Hey, at least you could throw her a decent doggystyle while her head is in the toilet bowl

  • Truth
    February 27, 2020 at 4:11 pm

    Is anyone else concerned that the dindu cop couldn’t even pepper spray her up close? Those dindus spray bullets everywhere and miss. They have no business being police officers.

    • Snarky Pete
      February 27, 2020 at 4:22 pm

      They have perfect aim when impregnating white women.

  • Dees nutz
    February 27, 2020 at 3:54 pm

    I can see her bright future 20 years from now. Looks 82 not a day younger, no longer has teeth due to the junks she will be on after this fun escapade plus the 10,000,000th plus blowies she’s given for her next fix. (Probably already on her 10,000th.) Has the voice of a 3pack a day newport problem. Smells like a month old tampon. Still dies what hair she has left bright red, is a great grandmother of 6, and most of them live with her in some rat infested 3 bedroom apartment she pays $150 a month for while on section 8. And all the posters saying would will look at her and cringe.

  • Mr. Leahy
    February 27, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    MARLBOROUGH – A Marlborough man was arrested Wednesday evening and charged with two counts of failing to register as a sex offender, police said.
    Shawn D. Farnsworth, 21, of 276 Main St., was arrested at 5:56 p.m., police said.

  • gus
    February 27, 2020 at 3:08 pm

    But c’mon, she said she wasn’t racist.
    Drunken bitch.

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    February 27, 2020 at 3:04 pm

    Since when are shots measured in liters?

    Asking for a friend…

  • hartf811
    Father Dimmock
    February 27, 2020 at 2:38 pm

    Is it me or is my preference for her drunk and tussled up wrong? Throw her in the shower with hot water and a stiff brush, dry her off and have her slam 10 shots of FB. Saddle up and let the rodeo begin!

  • Judge Byer Wayout
    February 27, 2020 at 2:35 pm

    The Court just needs to find creative and effective sentences for repeat offenders like this. I’m going to have my Johnson be her ignition interlock device. That will slow her down while it revs me up. Next defendant….

  • Daniel Crowell
    Lance Bolt
    February 27, 2020 at 2:35 pm

    I would fuk her duck Style…..

  • Shane Hoban
    February 27, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    Half firefighter, half rapper, half comedian, half actor

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Alex Reimer
    February 27, 2020 at 2:23 pm

    That lady is soo yucky! Ewwww!

  • Said Nobody
    February 27, 2020 at 2:21 pm

    She is going to go far in life

  • Bob Murchison
    February 27, 2020 at 2:18 pm

    I would drop a nice pile of penis butter on her chest.

    • Brendan Rickert
      February 27, 2020 at 2:27 pm

      I’d let her peg the shit out of me

  • Amanda Sawyer
    February 27, 2020 at 2:06 pm

    My son is a violent felon who assaulted his ex girlfriend.
    She dumped him.

  • Oliver Sutton
    February 27, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    She’s 29 but acts like she’s 17. Ratchetness is not appealing, but she thinks it is. Guaranteed this is not the last we see of this malignant cunt.


  • Corinth Arkadin
    February 27, 2020 at 2:00 pm

    She’s pretty ratchet. Might be redeemable but who knows.

  • Fireball Fiona
    February 27, 2020 at 1:53 pm

    MAGA. Make Alcoholism Great Again.

    • Johnny Walker
      February 27, 2020 at 2:43 pm

      Alcoholism was always great!

    • Luke Fondleberg (Deez/Doze)
      Luke Fondleberg
      February 27, 2020 at 4:35 pm

      MAGS: Make Alcoholism Great Still.

  • Jordis
    February 27, 2020 at 1:51 pm

    She looks like the type that covertly uses a food stamp card and yet laughs at a minority using a foodstamp card.

    Pot meet Kettle

  • Spic Tormentor
    February 27, 2020 at 1:49 pm

    I want to party with this drunk slut.

    • Vie Kie ahou
      February 27, 2020 at 4:06 pm

      No. The majority of people scamming the system may be white but that’s not the majority of that population. But the majority of the tanned population is on assistance so fuckem.

  • R Lee Ermey
    February 27, 2020 at 1:43 pm

    Too bad, she looks VERY doable.

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