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Ever miss your old co-workers and decide to pay them a visit? Did you wear a mask and carry a gun? According to WCVB Sean Coulson did, and lucky for us there’s video!

BARRE, Mass. — Workers fought back to thwart a robbery after a man entered a pizza shop with what looked like a gun in Barre on Tuesday. Police say Sean Coulson, 30, wore a mask and held a fake gun when he tried to hold up Northeast Pizza. The Telegram reported that the man struck one of the workers, and jumped the counter demanding cash. Employees wrestled him to ground and held him until police arrived. When they took off his mask, they realized he used to be a manager at the pizza shop, police said. Coulson faces several charges and will be arraigned in East Brookfield on Wednesday.

Wow. Coulson was fired from the place last summer because he showed up drunk and gave away free pizza. If I were a minimum wage pizza worker that is exactly what I would want in a manager. If I were a pizza shop owner on the other hand, I would frown upon this.

According to the Zuckerberg social media fascism website he has 2 kids. I have 2 kids about the same age, so I’d like to empathize, but I just don’t think he deserves it. Because another thing I would want if I were a minimum wage pizza worker is to feel confident that I won’t go home dead at the end of my shift.

<–Self employed, as in, runs his own criminal enterprise

An Internet search of his address shows that he lives…ACROSS THE STREET!! I know getaway cars are inconvenient and drivers are liabilities because I watch action movies, but I still feel like it makes more sense than running across the street to your house in plain view of the victims. Junkbox 101.

This level of laziness can only be caused by one thing. That’s right – The Disease. While I can’t find anything that proves he has The Disease, I can’t imagine a clear-thinking individual putting on a mask and walking 50 feet to a former place of employment with a fake gun and robbing the place. Plus he looks like this:

And what else would cause you to commit armed robbery at 8:30 on a fucking Tuesday?! Either way, here is the truth about addiction, brought to you by TurtleBoy Sports. Addiction, regardless of how it happens, is NOT a disease. It is a RESULT.

How ‘bout those pizza workers though? Awesome! If they actually are making anything near minimum wage they should all get a significant raise. They didn’t know the gun was fake. I have several guns and served in the Marine Corps for five years, and I can’t tell this is fake.

But this superhero right here

Trevor Kosla simply does not play. He was just chillin at work, filling orders, when suddenly a masked lunatic runs in, jumps the counter with a pistol, hits someone with it, and says “Fill the bag!” Trevor decides to follow his own program and tackle this dumb mother fucker. The rest of the employees, and according to some reports at least one customer, pin his ass. Then he goes all pussy bitch. “Trevor it’s me, Sean. It’s just a joke! Whaaa!”

Nuh-uh. Joke’s on you bitch! Barre is pretty rural. That’s a joke that carries a real possibility of getting shot in the face. Plus, as annoying as many of my own jokes are, nobody gets pistol whipped, robbed, or fears for their life. And I don’t try to escape from my jokes.

I absolutely do not recommend risking your life for any amount of money. Especially when it’s someone else’s AND it’s insured. That being said, huge shout out to Trevor and the rest of the heroes at Northeast Pizza. If more robberies ended this way fewer robberies would occur.

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