All-Star Criminals

Former State Senator Douchenugget Brian Joyce Goes Full Masshole And Accepts Bribe Of 500 Pounds Of Dunkin Donuts And Over A Million Dollars In Office

Former State Senator Douchenugget Brian Joyce Goes Full Masshole And Accepts Bribe Of 500 Pounds Of Dunkin Donuts And Over A Million Dollars In Office


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In the least shocking news ever, a disgraced former State Senator from Milton named Brian Joyce was arrested today:

A high-ranking lawmaker in Massachusetts has been arrested and charged in a 113-count indictment of running his State Senator office as a “criminal enterprise” that netted him $1 million in kickbacks and bribes, federal prosecutors announced today. Brian Joyce, 55, a former Democratic assistant majority leader in the Massachusetts State House was led out of his home in the tony town of Westport shortly before sunrise this morning, said FBI Special Agent in Charge for Boston Hank Shaw, who said the former senator “was greedy, plain and simple.” The 102-page indictment charges Joyce with racketeering, extortion, honest services fraud, money laundering, conspiracy to defraud the IRS and other charges

His arrest came after a two-year investigation that remains ongoing, said Acting United States Attorney William Weinreb, who would not comment on whether other Massachusetts lawmakers could be implicated in the various schemes Joyce ran on Beacon Hill.

“Brian Joyce represented over 100,000 Massachusetts citizens in the state legislator,’’ Weinreb told reporters. “He had a duty to serve them honestly. And he violated that duty by accepting bribes and kickbacks in exchange for his official action.

Joyce, Weinreb added, “ran his Senate office as a criminal enterprise.”

Joyce is accused of accepting “hundreds of pounds” of Dunkin Donuts coffee in exchange for helping a franchise owner navigate the permitting process with pressure on town administrators and state house official actions. He also used his office to help an insurance company who paid him with a free Jeep and wrote legislation to help a Philadelphia based solar energy company.

Prosecutors said Joyce used his law practice, which he ran while working as a full-time legislator, to launder the proceeds of his schemes by “falsely characterizing the bribe and kickback payments as legal referral fees,” and lied to the state Ethics Commission about the payments.

Joyce is also accused of orchestrating a shady deal with a developer to take over the development of properties at the site of the historic Milton Women’s Club after it fell into disrepair. The unnamed developer hid Joyce’s financial interests in the project by telling the town planning board that the senator was “trying to help out the woman’s club,” as a lawmaker who helps “people in the town.” For his work, prosecutors said, Joyce received a new Jeep from the developer, who then set out to build new homes on the lucrative lot.

Joyce is expected to appear in a Worcester federal courtroom this afternoon. The nine-term senator did not seek reelection after the FBI raided his Canton law office last year. Weinreb did not rule out the possibility other lawmakers could be part of Joyce’s stream of illegal activity telling reporters today that the investigation is far from over.

He accepted bribes in the form of 500 pounds of Dunkin Donuts coffee. It simply does’t get any more Masshole that.

We’ve been following this story for the past couple years. This guy might the biggest con-artist we’ve ever seen. And it’s plainly obvious based solely on his physical appearance:

Be douchier.

You cant. Seriously, try to stick that chest out a little more Brian. We’re all very impressed. Do you lift weights or something?

This is the culmination of a two year investigation into a whole bunch of other red flags:

The search follows a series of reports that have kept the nine-term Milton Democrat in the spotlight on Beacon Hill and in the media – the cut-rate price he paid for expensive sunglasses for fellow senators, his use of campaign committee money for one of his children’s graduation party, and years of free dry-cleaning service he got from a Randolph businessman.

He was getting his fellow senators designer sunglasses that cost $200 each, but yet he was only paying $50. He threw his kid a huge birthday party using his campaign funds. And of course he’d been selling his votes for free dry cleaning in Randolph as well, while claiming that the dry cleaning guy got “legal services” from him.

Nevertheless, he was always the victim, and his idiotic supporters backed him up. You gotta see this guy’s Facebook page to understand just how much of a con-artist he really is. He has an excuse for everything:

And he’s ALWAYS the victim.

Of course he kept his job as a lawyer on top of being a full time State Senator, because he needed one to make money off the other. He was accepting all this bribe money for favorable votes and influence for special interest groups, and he needed to explain what it was for. Simple solution – legal advice.

In reality no one should be able to hold another job like this if they’re a State Senator. Being an elected official gives you a pension, a per diem account, and a generous salary which they just voted to increase by 40%!! You don’t need another job, and you shouldn’t have time for another job. If being a State Senator isn’t enough for you, then don’t be a State Senator.

But making millions of dollars illegally made it possible to live in a house like this in Milton:

One of the most expensive towns to live in in Massachusetts.

The FBI has been investigating him for two years now, and he announced in 2016, right after they raided his law office in Canton, that he wouldn’t be seeking reelection.

Now look at all these idiots who blindly voted for this criminal because he had a big ol capital D next to his name on the ballot:

He’s playing the victim!! Sorry he had to go through all of this? Witch hunt? He’s literally posting shit so that people will feel sorry for him because he knows just how STUPID the people are who he represents. All of these people should be thoroughly embarrassed:


If you know any of these people feel free to point and laugh at them. They made fools of themselves by standing behind this human garbage because he shook their hand and gave them a flower at the Memorial Day parade.

It wasn’t just his constituents that backed him either. It was his colleagues on Beacon Hill:

“Senator Joyce has served the constituents of his district for more than 20 years,” Senate President Stanley Rosenberg, D-Amherst, said in a statement.

No. Senator Joyce served himself and special interest groups that had enough money to bribe him for 20 years. Of course this is coming from disgraced former Senate President Stanley Rosenberg, whose husband has been offering sexual favors to other men in exchange for influence with his husband on Beacon Hill. You’d have to be an idiot to think that Stan didn’t know about any of this.

They’re all crooks people. Ryan Joyce is just the most obvious douchenugget in the punch bowl.

19 Comment(s)
  • All of these people should be thoroughly embarrassed
    December 23, 2017 at 5:23 am

    reminds me of “the distinguished gentleman” with Eddie Murphy (everyone should see this film)

  • Donald J. Trummp
    December 11, 2017 at 3:00 pm

    I lived in Canton for a while, and sadly many of the townspeople there loved this guy! Very sad to see so many insulated privileged yuppies supporting this criminal! Oh well, Crooked Brian is off to jail! Pathetic and sad! He was very low energy!

  • Publius
    December 10, 2017 at 10:59 pm

    where was Maura Healy? this is a big f in deal. Joyce a big fish.

  • Brian Joyce is undoubtedly an embarrassment
    December 9, 2017 at 2:54 pm

    but also a nobody. How many million did this investigation cost? We’re 20 trillion in debt and this is just a distraction for us little people.

  • Barack Obama
    December 9, 2017 at 9:45 am

    It’s the Democratic way. We teach people to go into office poor and leave super wealthy

  • Das Skrew
    December 9, 2017 at 2:24 am

    Had some limited interaction with the dishonorable Mr. Joyce in the past.
    He was a cocky, fresh prick when he had the power. Condescending POS.

    Get out the Koolaid and whip yourself up some eye shadow and lipstick, “Brianna”. You want to be sure to provide the best services and appeal to your new clients, Bubba, Mustafa and all their friends.

    Guess who is going to rule your world, soon enough? Turnabout is fair play.

    Get ready to turn over and bite the prison issue pillow, Brianna.

    You FUCK.

  • SSTurtlehole
    December 8, 2017 at 11:12 pm

    When I read that he used Dunkin as a kickback, I checked the URL to make sure I wasn’t reading The Onion (it was Fox25 though, so it was probably at the same level as the Onion)

  • gfldgadfly
    December 8, 2017 at 8:55 pm

    You guys gotta post that photo op pic with him standing in the background looking guilty as fuck as governor patrick signs an ethics bill… priceless. He has the same expression on his face as my pitbull when I bust him eating dirty socks out of my laundry basket. Maybe it’s all the stale Dunkies bagged coffee giving him indigestion. Who knows. At least my dog shits out the socks and goes back to being a good boy after…

  • Tony Soprano
    December 8, 2017 at 6:03 pm

    500 pounds coffee as a bribe…. dumb ass, greedy shit head, dumb ass

  • Nai
    December 8, 2017 at 5:50 pm

    I hope all benefits he is supposed to get for his years “serving” the State gets revoked. You would think that would be an automatic yes but you never know in Massachusetts

  • Johnny Rocket
    December 8, 2017 at 4:32 pm

    Very interested to see whom else is involved in this corrupt caper. I wonder if that guy Dempsey up in haverhill was involved. He retired rather quickly and unexpectedly from one of the most powerful positions, House, Ways, and Means chairman.

    • AgingCynic
      December 8, 2017 at 5:26 pm

      I’m a real estate broker. Every time I saw Brian he handed me a few business cards to give to my clients. The guy was rapacious. He’ll do his time and become something not requiring a license, like a real estate developer.

  • Mayor Lynch
    December 8, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    I’m sorry you have to go through this Brian. What’s a little coffee or a Jeep when your simply helping out some constituent/clients. It’s not like you killed someone with a golf club or anything. It’s like a witch search thing. As a humble Mayor, I get free stuff all the time. Usually past expiration produce or backed up sewage hurled at me from a moving car, but you know as well as I do, that it’s just impossible to remember and declare all of the “gifts”. I’ll leave you with a little bit of advice that helped me get through my unfortunate time as a guest of the State. Pre-lube. Before you go to the shower, just grab a handful of astroglide and jam it up there. Trust me, you don’t want some of the bigger ones going in there dry!

  • Howie
    December 8, 2017 at 3:49 pm

    The state is dirty on all levels. This is just another example & the tip of the iceberg.

  • Oink Oink
    December 8, 2017 at 3:48 pm

    I don’t think he is “sticking his chest out” TB….I think that is 500 lbs worth of donuts just sitting there

  • KJDS
    December 8, 2017 at 3:38 pm

    Looking at his pictures, all I can think of is, “I can’t put my arms down!”

    Seriously – it’s the barter system. “I’ll take 10 chickens (or 500 lbs of coffee) in lieu of $500 dollars of billable hours.”

    • MCJ
      December 8, 2017 at 6:00 pm

      Multiple Choice Joyce! Do you know what you call this? The tip of the iceberg.

      • MCJ
        December 8, 2017 at 6:03 pm

        Like EVERYTHING else in Mass, NOTHING happens until the feds get involved. Feds….we need you on SO many other things! Come on down!

        • Homer Simpson
          December 8, 2017 at 6:14 pm

          D’oh Donuts!

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