All-Star Criminals

Franklin NH PD Revolutionize Policing By Using Facebook To Identify Pubestached Pimpledick Car Thief Who Wouldn’t Give Them His Name Within Minutes


The Franklin, NH Police Department took a more proactive approach to policing today when they found some asshole in a stolen car who wouldn’t tell them his name.

The post is gone because they figured it out. Some people were asking them why they couldn’t just fingerprint him and the cops told them that they could but Facebook is just faster. This is the greatest move I’ve ever seen in the history of policing. Every police department in America should be using Facebook to identify criminals. Posts like this get shared and commented on a million times because they’re hilarious, and the bag of dicks they’re looking for is almost always a well known shitbag. It took about 30 minutes for them to realize it was this frequent flyer from nearby Gilford:

Isaiah Hughes. Model citizen.

If you couldn’t tell he was an asshole, the first indicator should’ve been the pubestache.

Everyone who has ever rocked a pubestache is required to be law to be a degenerate.



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25 Comment(s)
  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    March 31, 2020 at 3:15 am

    The look on the cop’s face says it all. He longs for the days when he could just fuck this idiot up with a nightstick and say “he fell”.

    Also, is this cunt called Isaiah because one when you look at his eyes, one EYE’S HIGHER than the other? That’s what happens when cousins marry.


    • Horatio Nelson
      March 31, 2020 at 3:25 am

      Taze,billy club,pepper spray…

      Rinse and repeat….

  • Silencio Dogood
    March 30, 2020 at 11:17 pm

    he looks a bit like the Dunkin Donut sparkler, and every other entitled man-child on these sticky pages (i wear gloves to read Tirtlebpy now). Is Anteefa creating these slack-jawed Isaiah’s in a green lab somewhere, or are they the result of turning on the kitchen light at night to see these scurrying cockroaches?

  • Parker’s grandpa
    March 30, 2020 at 6:48 pm

    They got it wrong, it’s Parker from Gold Rush…

    • Snarky Pete
      March 31, 2020 at 9:31 am

      Its Tom Green’s gay autistic son

  • HAHAHA!!!
    March 30, 2020 at 6:46 pm

    The look on the cop’s face behind this douchenozzle makes me think the cop is his father….

  • Mike Oxlong
    March 30, 2020 at 6:27 pm

    Just take this NH trailer-trash out back and stomp on his windpipe and then splatter his skull with a log. Be careful about getting the goop splattered on your jeans, but that’ll come out in the wash. Toss the remains in the lake and the animal scavengers will pick the skeleton clean within days. Just watch – it’ll be such a rush you’ll be looking fwd to the next one. Oh wait, that’s me.

  • WeRFucked
    March 30, 2020 at 5:11 pm

    My girlfriend said “…his chin resembles my balls.” I was like “They’re really that hairy?” She answered “YES!”

    I’m shaving them tonight. My ass & back too.

    • WeRFucked
      March 30, 2020 at 5:12 pm

      Shit… the way I wrote this it sounds like my gf has hairy balls.

      Maybe she does.

      • Mayor Walsh
        March 30, 2020 at 5:39 pm

        Um hi.. Marty Walsh here.. friend me on fb, I want to party with you and your “girlfriend” !!!
        Shavin potty tenight!! woo hoo. 8===) – – 0^:

    • URFucked
      March 30, 2020 at 6:53 pm

      I call BS. You have a girlfriend??????

  • Keep that facemask on
    March 30, 2020 at 4:44 pm

    The facemask craze arrived just in time, but not for this guy.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    March 30, 2020 at 4:29 pm

    They were too nice. They have my support to waterboard the dick

    March 30, 2020 at 4:24 pm

    I love it! New Hampshire “Facial Recognition Software”….

  • Facial recognition has arrived
    March 30, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    The police don’t go through Facebook themselves. They use a software program, probably Clearview AI, a NYC company, to search its billion-face database which includes images “scraped” from Facebook. There have been many news articles about it recently, many critical, and it sounds like it’s very accurate. Down to the green turtles on the neckties. Welcome to China.

    • WeRFucked
      March 30, 2020 at 5:02 pm

      Shit for brains… AI? Really? They fucking took his picture and put it on their Facebook page.

      AI? You are a fucking douche.

    • Peter North
      March 31, 2020 at 9:47 am

      People recognize my facials all the time

  • hartf811
    Aristotle Onassis
    March 30, 2020 at 4:00 pm

    I guess living in a hovel behind the Guilford 8 cinemas, and never affording a ticket to get in zapped his brain. Of course it could have been waiting for the old water tower to fall. That what happens when you live in a place in a town that has figured out that eminent domain just isn’t worth your house. Dirt poor loser.

  • hartf811
    Dirty Harry
    March 30, 2020 at 3:51 pm

    Billy Clubs. Either you got the name or the imprint of the manufacturer got transferred to the perp.
    A few smacks with a S&W 21″ will set even the most hardened Pubestache into a blubbering fool.

  • F.U. Bailey
    March 30, 2020 at 3:43 pm

    Obviously not wise in the ways of the law in these parts. Maybe you get away with these shenanigans if your last name is DaSilva and you’re caught driving cocked in Framingham, but some punk born here who resembles Alfred E Neuman has a zero chance, because Uncle Sam will figure out who you really are in about 30 minutes one way or another.

  • Ray Patriarca
    Old Gumshoe
    March 30, 2020 at 3:40 pm

    I used to love these “I ain’t telling you my name” assholes.
    My response always was?
    You can ROT in the holding cell until we get your name !
    After about 12 hours in that hell-hole, they beg to get out!
    Time was always on my side.

  • Jordis
    March 30, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    Why would anyone criticize the police using social media. This is a great! Get the information needed and shame that asshole!

  • Qwadafius Ballsap
    March 30, 2020 at 3:17 pm

    Fingerprinting only works as a means to identify someone if their prints are on file. If you’ve never been fingerprinted then there’s nothing to match you to.

    • WeRFucked
      March 30, 2020 at 5:05 pm

      Q-ball you fart smeller you… he has a rap sheet. Or did you miss that part?

      Chances are pretty good anyone caught in a stolen car has prints on file.

      • Qwadafius Ballsap
        March 30, 2020 at 7:02 pm

        thanks for your input tinkerbell, but it’s far easier to just put it on facebook you dumbass.
        now go collect some cans bitchboy

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