This Day In Turtleboy

Ginger Cheesehog From Meltdown Video Over Forehead Kiss Is Also An Amateur Porn Star Who Thinks She’s Married To Justin Bieber And Says Racist Things To Selena Gomez

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We’ve gotten so many requests from turtle riders to do re-runs of our greatest hits, so we decided to add a new category – This Day In Turtleboy. We’ll be reblogging some of our greatest hits that happened on around this day in Turtleboy. 

 

A lot of people are talking about this INSANE ginger cheesehog who lost her Goddamn mind when she was in a restaurant ordering food and a guy kissed his girlfriend on the forehead. It was a magical explosion of debauchery:

In fairness, how is this any different from an Amy Schumer show? It’s a fat chicken being loud and offensive for the sole purpose of being loud and offensive. There’s nothing witty about it, and the jokes are repeated over and over again. The only difference is this chick doesn’t steal other cheesehog’s jokes and people actually pay money to watch Amy Schumer.

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 3.04.18 PM

Oh, and imagine if you recorded a video that would be shared millions of times, and then realized you’re a chud who hasn’t figured out that you never record video vertically with your phone. What a missed opportunity. Especially considering this woman is particularly larger horizontally. Sad.

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 3.06.08 PM

As amusing as that all was, clearly this woman is very sick and in need of serious psychological help. Nevertheless she sucks at life so it was worth a good laugh. But seriously, have you ever seen a woman in need of a good stuffing as much as this Fatty Hearst? Notice she doesn’t really get mad at the guy, who is the one who did the kissing in the first place. He gets off easy because she secretly wishes he was burying the broomstick in her penis fly trap instead. But she was vicious to his boo. Heres a collection of things she said about or to the chick:

“Why don’t you leave bitch.”

“You cannot be doing prostitution in public.”

“If you’re making out in front of people then you’re making people uncomfortable.”

“Who the fuck do you think you are? Sexually harrasing me, making out with that bitch while I’m trying to order? He was having sex with her at the stand when I was trying to order.”

“Go get a room if you want to bang your whore.”

“You are the ugliest bitch I’ve ever seen.”

“You are such a slut, you are such a dumb bitch.”

Meanwhile the worst thing she says to the guy is this:

“I’m going to file sexual harassment and stalking charges on you.”

Calling Attorney Richard N. Vulva. We have a cheesehog in California with your name on it!! And quite frankly this chick needs Dick N. Vulva more than anyone we’ve ever seen. Because the only reason she’s so nasty to the chick is that she secretly hoped he’d dump his girlfriend and take her to poundtown on the salad bar. This is a chick who has been waiting to get her donut glazed for the last 30 years, and even the last lonely guy at the bar has chosen another round of Keno over her time and time again. Not even once has a guy tossed her a pity lay by taking one for the team. Then again, when you’re a miserable troglodyte with no friends it’s hard to be the angry ginger that your skinny friends try to pawn off on the wingman.

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 3.05.57 PM

Then this Thicky Minaj tried to get a free meal out of it:

“I want my money back. I just spent $20, I want a refund.”

Because if seeing other people make out hurts your feels then you might as well try to get a free meal out of it and eat away your sorrow.

Finally around the 6:00 mark the whole crowd laughs because it all makes sense:

“Go back to wherever you’re from you retarded foreign asshole.”

Oh I get it now. She’s a Trump supporter. (insert “libtard Turtleboy” comments here)

What’s really scary is that she is more likely to get picked to be on a jury than I am because I’m normal. If you’ve read a book in the last six months or watch the news you’re pretty much disqualified. But if you’re a mentally unstable gravy dumpster like this you’re a defense attorney’s wet dream.

But wait, it gets better. This cholesterol sandwich has a name – Anna Storelli. And she’s an amateur porn star. Since Turtleboy Sports is a family blog we will not be posting her finest work. But if you Google her name you can see for yourself. Trigger warning – make sure you have ample amounts of bleach lying around though. Your eyes may never be the same.

Also, her Twitter is still open to the public, and it’s a window into her madness. Her most recent tweet is urging any old stranger to give her a ring:

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.35.06 PM

OK. But why is she so desperate? Well, she wants to let the world know that she is NOT dating JEFF:

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.35.53 PM

She is obsessed with Justin Bieber and considers him her boyfriend/fiance/husband:

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.36.12 PM

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.39.26 PM

And when other women lust for him, she calls it rape:

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.37.16 PM

Rape, prostitution, sex in public – these are all words you can arbitrarily throw around in public when you’re a sex-deprived ginger cheesehog.

She did send the Biebs some material for the spank bank:

Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.37.26 PM

But wait, it gets better. Bieber dumped her: Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.38.31 PM Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.38.21 PM

Which may explain why she’s so triggered when she sees other people in love in public. The Biebs broke her heart. And he may have left her for Selena Gomez, which would explain her distrust of foreigners:   Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.36.39 PM Screen Shot 2017-04-03 at 5.36.23 PM

Anyway, the real miracle here is that this woman hasn’t gone viral before this. There’s absolutely no way this is the first time she pulled a stunt like this. I’m willing to bet it happens more often than not whenever she goes out in public. I’m also willing to bet that her favorite TV show is Dance Moms, she loves Chef Boyardee, she doesn’t spray down the bathroom after she drops a ginormous ginger dump, she has a closet full of Shakeology that she was forced to buy when she briefly became a Beach Body coach, and she has strong opinions about not getting vaccinated and the dangers of circumcision.

We kept digging on her and found out she wasn’t always crazy or a cheesehog!  She was actually really cute and normal at one point.  Read part two here! 

Turns Out Ginger Cheesehog Anna Storelli Used To Be Skinny, Got A Boobjob, Has Multiple Restraining Orders And Snapped After 2 Week Virtual Reality Experiment In College

21 Comment(s)
  • Frank Purdue
    April 6, 2018 at 9:57 am

    “a fat chicken being loud and offensive for the sole purpose of being loud and offensive”

    This is the best description of turtleboy I’ve seen

    • Chickenhawk
      April 6, 2018 at 11:20 am

      He meant “chickenhead”. It’s an allegory to how your mother gets really loud when her tailpipe is ravaged by gang members.

  • tomfromsaugus
    April 6, 2018 at 9:51 am

    THE ELRANCHO GINGERITA STRIKES AGAIN
    SOMEONE NEEDS TO ROUND UP THIS COW AND BRING HER BACK TO THE BULLPEN

  • SHE IS GROSS
    April 6, 2018 at 8:02 am

    What a gross, stupid, disgusting, huge pig. She should off herself.

  • Walter "Let's play ball" Bird
    April 6, 2018 at 12:48 am

    Selena can play with my burrito while I eat her taco.

  • Finn
    April 5, 2018 at 8:41 pm

    This one just makes me sad. I really hope she gets the mental help she needs before she hurts herself or someone else.

  • R
    April 5, 2018 at 8:26 pm

    Unless there’s proof, this psycho is all democrat. Please…activist, California. That’s all that’s needed. IF she states she’s a repub and for Trump, she’s just “identifying” as such. Clearly!

  • The Professor
    April 5, 2018 at 7:48 pm

    You blew it on this one Turtleboy. Since this is a repeat you have had plenty of time to consider this case and should have not re-run it because this woman is clearly mentally ill. Mocking ratchets, SJWs, corrupt cops, and shitty parents is completely fair. Exploiting the mentally ill is not. Hope you guys will do some thinking about this and stick with the plentiful deserving scumbags out there and leave those with demonstrable mental illness alone.

    • Chuck Johnson
      April 6, 2018 at 7:01 am

      Do you like cake? I pound cake up my rectum and eat it.

  • Lustin Beiber
    April 5, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    That number is disconnected. Anybody have her new one? Askin for a friend.

    • Crusty Beaver
      April 6, 2018 at 10:51 am

      If it is the same one who is 29 yrs. in El Cerrito, then replace the last numbers with 528-3944

  • Sloppy
    April 5, 2018 at 6:05 pm

    Fuck. I was hoping to jerk off later. Now my boner will be ruined for a good 36 hours.
    That big bitch should get some tattoos on them floppy bags of shit on her chest;
    “2%” on the left one, “Whole Milk” on the right.

  • Will Crusher
    April 5, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    What a heartbreaking development in any young person’s life. Mental illness is that silent killer, like Harrison Ford’s submarine movie. I wish her all the be……. LOOK AT THOSE FUCKING TITS!

    • Ole Rando
      April 5, 2018 at 6:31 pm

      Goddamn it, dude! I almost swallowed my fucking dip over that one! Fucking hilarious!

  • darkzila21
    April 5, 2018 at 4:54 pm

    #SHESWITHHER liberalism is a mental disorder….it`s real…its scary..even fatal..to those conservatives that have to live with and endure the madness………………………………………………….

  • I would have won if if
    April 5, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    She could be Hillsry Clintons long lost twin sister

  • roberti
    April 5, 2018 at 4:26 pm

    Wow if ever there is case for a mental hospital she is a poster girl.
    Get her off the street before she harms someone or herself now.

  • Biff Malibu
    April 5, 2018 at 3:34 pm

    Jesus Christ look at those yabbos!!!!!!

  • Justin B. (please don't tell her I'm here)
    April 5, 2018 at 3:28 pm

    FL has nothing on MA… This is why El Globo won’t run stories like this; it would destroy the undeserved “highbrow reputation” MA has.

    Fact is, MA is just as redneck/white trash as the Deep South…

    • nagger beef stick
      April 5, 2018 at 4:50 pm

      I believe that beast is a califorinusskankamungus.

  • Bucket of clams
    April 5, 2018 at 3:28 pm

    I can win her heart. Clambake!

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