Hoodrat Heroes

Goat Shit Goatee Grandpa Looking For Washed Up Newport Methskanks To Take Noodz Of So Their Boyfriends Can Be Turned On For The Holidays

 

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Attention ladies – if you live in the New Hampshire area and you wanna turn your boyfriend or husband on, then you’re in luck because I found a guy in a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat that can help you out.

Facebook really is a magical place. What the hell is this?

I take better pictures of my crotch fruits with my iPhone.

For only $50 the guy with the goose shit goatee will come into your bedroom and take pictures of you in the sexiest way possible. Who wouldn’t let this guy into their house to do that?

Adam Eldridge’s “business” is apparently called “Explicit Art.” He doesn’t have a Facebook page, but he does have a group you can join to see some of his other work.

 

As you can see, he excels at the art of the disposable camera. And yes, he is looking to do noodz too. He just has to find someone with low enough self esteem to take their clothes off in front of him.

He also does outdoor shoots where he gives you a pouch and calls you a carpenter.

Yea, it’s mostly the same women over and over again, but he’s always in the market for some new models if you ladies are down for it.

Anyone? ANYONE???

You too could have your ass oggled over by his creepy, perverted friends in his Facebook group.

But don’t worry, he’s not like those other creepy photographers you’ve seen on Turtleboy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He’s the good creepy kind.

Of course this is the clientele he usually gets.

If you don’t smoke a cartoon of Newports a week and have full length skeleton sleeve tattoos, you’re probably not gonna fit in at Explicit Art.

In all seriousness, this guy is obviously a pervert. In no way, shape, or form is he a professional anything, and he basically preys on chicks who look like the just got run over by a truck full of losing Keno tickets. And since he operates out of the Rochester area he has no shortage of potential clients. He gets them naked so him and his buddy’s can have spank bank material, lets them believe they’re building their portfolio to become models, and then whines on Facebook about how nice guys like him always finish last.

He’s also a Grandpa who still wears flat brimmed hats, so obviously he’s got life by the balls. Maybe I’ll hit him if Mr. Turtlebabe wants to role play like two recovering junkies who just met at an AA meeting.

 

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42 Comment(s)
  • Cottonmouth
    November 8, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    Totally love the flat brim Chicago Bulls theme. It’s definitely a keeper.

  • Lipstick Hippie
    November 7, 2019 at 9:42 pm

    Holy shit, the blonde chick on the left in the first picture looks dead.

  • You had me at flat brimmed Bulls hat!
    November 7, 2019 at 6:50 pm

    You have proven it TB, a true telltale sign!

  • Noodzplz
    November 7, 2019 at 5:07 pm

    I’ll do it for $5 and I can do just as shitty a job as he does; )

  • Tim
    November 7, 2019 at 10:48 am

    Creepy is as creepy does.

  • Finn
    November 7, 2019 at 9:49 am

    They all look like kidnapped prostitutes. I feel like these are a series of pictures that can be turned into a book called “The last picture taken before they were murdered” (too long?).

    Get Fucked,
    Finn

    • Startled Pancake
      November 7, 2019 at 4:16 pm

      That’s some straight James Elroy shit right there, brah.

      TRUTH.

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    November 7, 2019 at 9:23 am

    M&M Racing jacket really threw off the pervert hounds.

  • Silencio Dogood
    November 7, 2019 at 3:00 am

    He’s very explicit!!!!! do you know what i mean?????

  • Flabby, depressed, runaways with extra stretch marks, please!!
    November 6, 2019 at 10:03 pm

    What a fk’n depressing bunch of losers. The pathetic picture guy, the chicks, everyone- even the scenery and lame ass props !! Those poor “models” left me feeling nothing but SAD. I’ve seen more alluring, energetic poses in the old Red Brigade hostage photos the FBI used to post in the 70’s !! I bet this guy has a Member’s Only jacket he wears during his “shoots”.

  • These MF's are outta control
    November 6, 2019 at 8:36 pm

    Whoa! Why did I not think of this!!!! Damn! What a great idea. You get to see nudes, and get paid for it! Nothing pervy here… LMAO

  • Learn English
    November 6, 2019 at 8:17 pm

    Why do all the Turtle writers think yeah is spelled yea?

    • Liawatha
      November 7, 2019 at 5:46 am

      This really grinds my gears as well. Yea is a signal of affirmation for a yes vote.
      Yeah is an informal affirmative, similar to yes.
      Yay is an exclamation.

  • Jim
    November 6, 2019 at 7:57 pm

    Google Anastasia Mcallister. Wonder if she’s available for a turtle boy live show. Im betting she is.

    • Murderous Mindz
      November 6, 2019 at 9:48 pm

      I think Anastasia Mcallister was a part of the reason why her 1 year old son died… at least that’s why she was arrested.

  • Captain Trips
    November 6, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Scags, scalliwags, and scamps!

    What a collection of XX chromosome losers. I love reading this stuff because it makes me grateful all over again for having a pretty, smart, moral wife. I can’t imagine being single out there. Look at the fucking female losers there are to choose from. Ugly tattooed 1000 cock stare wearing greasy amoral pierced alcoholic Newport-chain smoking female trailer trash. A bunch of gross scags who will all probably die before age 65 from Hep C liver failure or cancer from genital warts.

  • Corinth Arkadin
    November 6, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    OH COME ON

    this is a joke, right? This is a set-up?

    There can’t actually be that many flat brimmed Bulls hats in circulation, can there???????

    Right off the bat, I get hit with the pic. I thought Unca TeeBee was playing a prank.

  • TortugaNiño
    November 6, 2019 at 6:33 pm

    This dude looks like a claymation vanilla ice. Celebrity deathmatch style.

  • Bob
    November 6, 2019 at 6:32 pm

    What the fuck was the point of this article? Did he do something? Did he try to blackmail someone? Was he taking pictures of children? Did he sexually assault a paying client? Did he rip someone off? Why is this a story? The entire article is just an introduction to the subject and that’s it. Where is the scandal? All I got from this article is that he is a photographer that isn’t very good.

    • Jenny Taylia
      November 8, 2019 at 5:14 pm

      Seriously?? The fact that he’s NOT a PROFESSIONAL PHOTOGRAPHER, yet he’s promoting himself as one for hire, and one who “specializes” in BOUDOIR photoshoots at that, is a 10 on the creepy pervert meter!! The women that “pose” for him MUST have zero self-esteem and are obviously so desperate for attention and validation that they set aside ANY dignity they have left and allow this pervert, with no more talent than a tourist with an iPhone, to take these scantily-clad pics of them, under the ruse of a “professional photographer”, reaches a whole new level of disgusting! Talk about perverse deception! This guy just wants some new pics to jerk off to! SMH!

  • whatevuh
    November 6, 2019 at 6:24 pm

    OMG how do you find all these fucking weirdo’s ? This is a rape looking for a place to happen.

  • A Eldridge
    November 6, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    Wtf is this? Hide behind a keyboard you anonymous loser. I take legit professional quality shoots. I could buy you. Judge only gods. I heard you’re a molester of old men from your old National Grid job that you got fired from? And you whacked off at the Buffalo Symphony Orchestra. How dare you speak about my Bulls hat. I probably paid more for that hat then you paid for your house. Come meet me, address address! Get your faxes straight.

    • Matt
      November 6, 2019 at 7:00 pm

      OMG thank you for that ridiculous response you fucking mental midget

    • JJ
      November 6, 2019 at 8:53 pm

      Now this is some funny shit right here. (Telephone) Ring, ring, ring, hello troll, is that you, or are you really the 40 year old hick, wigga weirdo in the blog?
      As fucking funny as this comment is. I do want to slap you! You made me laugh so hard I almost dropped my bowl!

  • MTC
    November 6, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    Surely we can find 5 “righteous” people who wear flat-brimmed Chicago Bulls hats???

    Perhaps Turtle Boy can do an investigative piece to find 5 “flat-brimmed Chicago Bulls hat wearing souls” who are not Guttermuppets, Fupasloths, or Toe-cheese inhaling ratchets??? How long would it take to find just one???

  • clueless with camera
    November 6, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    Falling prices has allowed anyone to afford photography, videography, and audio recording. Doesn’t mean they are competent. This guy is just an example of a low quality producer for a low quality market. The hope is his ilk will use their enthusiasm to actually learn their craft.

  • Greasy vinny
    November 6, 2019 at 5:18 pm

    TB this is a stupid fucking story that no one gives a fuck about
    Get your head out of your ass

    • Startled Pancake
      November 6, 2019 at 6:46 pm

      The story was worth it for the flat brimmed Bulls hat and then the chick whose hand looks like a midget’s glove melting the fuck off.

      FUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCK

      I’m gonna have nightmares now.

  • Lee Ho
    November 6, 2019 at 4:45 pm

    Why he not show Asian girls?

    • Ho Li Phuk
      November 6, 2019 at 6:48 pm

      They so hawny, right Lee?

      • Lee Ho
        November 7, 2019 at 7:54 am

        Well yeah, yea, yah!

  • Hot
    November 6, 2019 at 4:45 pm

    Wowww what a great gig wish I thought of it.

  • Furious Styles
    November 6, 2019 at 4:27 pm

    “chicks who look like the just got run over by a truck full of losing Keno tickets“

    Beauty!!!

    • Corinth Arkadin
      November 6, 2019 at 6:50 pm

      It’s why i keep coming back here.

  • wantumbeer
    November 6, 2019 at 4:24 pm

    I miss Trailer Park Boys. The satire. There is no satire here. I hope the authorities are watching this guy, or some cartel, even better.

    • Corinth Arkadin
      November 7, 2019 at 4:19 pm

      FUCK OFF, Leahy

  • Rob van winkle’s fat brother
    November 6, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Looks like a fat old vanilla ice, but wtf why is the turtle shitting on him, he hasn’t done anything wrong….other than being creepy and weird. He’s just trying to get his dick wet…..

    • Chuck Gillan
      November 6, 2019 at 5:21 pm

      Haha yeah, he totally does look like fat Vanilla Ice!

    • Hugh Mungous
      November 6, 2019 at 6:11 pm

      More like Vanilla Lice!

      • Corinth Arkadin
        November 7, 2019 at 4:22 pm

        Bastard, that one should have been mine.

  • Judge dread
    November 6, 2019 at 3:42 pm

    Most of these women look terrified. The judge is gong to have to conf call some people at MIT to fire up that time machine. Send him back to the fall of Berlin 1945 with an SS uniform on. The Russians will take real good care of him…

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