All-Star Criminals

Grandpa Pillsbury Is Coming To An Open House Near You, Rummaging Through Your Drawers, And Using His Special Needs Son As A Distraction

 

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Reader Email: 

I had a gentleman come to my open house today I have him on cameras rummaging through my drawer he brings his special needs son with him to cause a distraction and then he stole medicine from my bathroom cabinet. My realtor has seen him at multiple open houses and is a wicked creep. My realtor asks him if she’s been to one of her open houses and he says no. He leaves his son downstairs to talk to the realtors while he goes upstairs tries to get into a locked closet then rummages through my drawer, goes back downstairs, takes his son into the bathroom and now I have 3 empty pill bottles. Real name David Osborn.

So obviously we believe in innocent until proven guilty in this country, and you can’t actually see him stealing any pills in that video. But there is no possible reason for this cumquat to go rummaging through people’s drawers at an open house. Ever. And that’s exactly what bootleg Gene Hackman does.

Now coincidentally this guy’s got a bunch of missing pills. You can definitely see him taking something out with his left hand too.

The bizarre part about this story is that the Grandpa Pillsbury lives with his wife in Wellesley. We don’t do a lot of blogs about people from Wellesley unless they’re a social justice warrior trying to lecture me on my unconscious bias. Generally if you end up living in Wellesley you’ve beat the ratchet odds though. And the south shore town this open house was held in isn’t exactly known for being one of the Bay State’s wealthier communities. It’s not a guttermupetville by any stretch of the imagination, it’s just mediocre city. Who leaves Wellesley to go to a non-Wellesley town? Oh right, he wasn’t really moving there at all. This guy just goes to open houses every weekend because he’s looking for pills and other free shit.

Anyway, the realtor has called the cops, but David Osborn’s real punishment is becoming Turtleboy famous.

 

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25 Comment(s)
  • Eddie Haskell - LAPD
    May 21, 2019 at 8:43 am

    Old guy, fairly well kept, from a very affluent town, stealing meds. Definitely a case of “I’m old, very lonely, and will give you these for a quickie.” I just wonder if he’s into addicted male or female?

  • Super Dave Osborn
    May 20, 2019 at 7:42 pm

    Saw this guy jump out of a 7th story window in the back bay after getting caught stealing pills at a condo showing.
    Dude hit the ground, got up unscathed and ran off.

    • z
      May 20, 2019 at 9:47 pm

      Always liked Super Dave. Died in January. His brother is Actor/Director Albert Brooks.

  • Imetmyhusbandatthebrocktonfair
    May 20, 2019 at 4:46 pm

    We moved out of a multi unit apt building once for this exact reason. Every weekend non stop showings. Eventually someone was going to come back to rob us for tvs, tools, music equiptment that we had no where to hide during viewings. Exactly right that open house doesn’t lead to sale. We left and the house sold 2 YEARS later to a serious developer. Realtor was bringing through single mothers and poor people who could never ever pull a loan for half mill 6 unit building. It’s not discrimination to say “if your not preapproved for this amount why do you need to see it?” Get fucked looky lou and sneaky pete!

    • Independent Thinker
      May 21, 2019 at 9:27 am

      You are correct in that it is not discriminatory to ask for a pre-approval letter. However, in this business, even the accusation of discrimination is enough to put you out of business. It’s guilty until proven innocent. Besides, if you say no to someone, they will just pick up the phone and start calling until they get someone willing to do what they say. That’s part of the reason why the business is the way it is. If you tell someone their house is only worth $100,000, but they want to list it for $200,000, they will have no problem finding someone to list it for $200,000, even though it will never sell anywhere near that price.

      • Imetmyhusbandatthebrocktonfair
        May 21, 2019 at 6:57 pm

        Sorry to hear that independant thinker. Doesn’t happen at luxury car dealerships. Not just any bozo gets the keys for test drives. Should be the same for properties exceeding low income or starer house prices. You’d know that # better than me. No common sense today. It’s nobody’s right to have access to luxury assets. Basic shelter and public transport yes but not mansions and lambo’s. Timewasters and dreamchasers must burn half your day.

  • Too Tall Tim
    May 20, 2019 at 4:09 pm

    When my family had to sell grandma’s house we removed some things that we didn’t want to get stolen. I made a point of checking the house almost every day, especially right after it was shown to people by the realtor. One time I found that the back door was slightly open. I wonder if someone did that so they could get into the house after the agent left.

  • Y
    May 20, 2019 at 12:51 pm

    Post this d_ckhead’s Facebook profile!

  • ElJefe72
    May 20, 2019 at 12:41 pm

    Is the old man wearing a Braggin’ Dragon polo shirt from Sears?

  • Captain Trips
    May 20, 2019 at 11:18 am

    Idiot doesn’t realize some people have hidden cameras in their houses

    SNAGGED!

  • Dick Scratcher
    May 20, 2019 at 9:55 am

    Thieving bastard.

    Looks like a nonce as well. Needs chucking in the slammer with Diego and his boys for a couple of years.

  • A Concerned Citizen
    May 20, 2019 at 9:50 am

    I’m quite concerned about this doughy loser finger-fucking my wife’s unmentionables and pawing through my much cherished mess.
    Why can’t he be a nice, normal person and just take a huge, stinky steamer in the sink and clog up the toilet with entire rolls of toilet paper like I do ?

    • z
      May 20, 2019 at 10:06 am

      Actually saw that in a county jail in PA that was moving everyone and everything to a new facility on the property. It was the one chance for the county to give an open house. The old jail was about 100 years old. The locals obviously saw the outside but very few ever saw the inside.

      It was in the women’s section. A couple of toilets plugged and shit all over the floor.

  • Randall Guy
    May 20, 2019 at 9:49 am

    Yeah this is a very common crime by addicts.

  • z
    May 20, 2019 at 9:46 am

    Formerly of Weston?
    Maybe worked here? Now retired.

    The Baupost Group, LLC is an employee owned hedge fund sponsor. The firm primarily provides its services to pooled investment vehicles. It launches and manages equity mutual fund and hedge funds for its clients. The firm invests in the hedging markets of the United States.

    Maybe a McCain/Romney Republican via his donations?
    $2500 to Mitt in 2012.

  • Dick N Vulva
    May 20, 2019 at 8:09 am

    Ryan Leaf (ex NFL QB, former junkie) used to do this too. His doc wouldn’t give him any more prescriptions so he started stealing at open houses from medicine cabinets to get his pills.

  • Seed bag
    May 20, 2019 at 7:00 am

    This stuff has been going on for a while. A good friend who’s a realtor tells me that they are stopping the ooen house tour and are moving to virtual tours and then if the buyer is serious, they do personal tours. It not only saves a lot of time for the employees, it’s easier to talk when it’s a personal tour.

    • Eileen Fortick
      May 20, 2019 at 7:30 am

      Open Houses are for the Agents to drum up new business, your nosy neighbors to catch a glimpse of how you lived, and for dirt bags to case your house. If anybody who is serious wants to see your house they will schedule a private showing and view the photos online ahead of time.

      • Agent 21
        May 20, 2019 at 7:39 am

        My wife and daughter went to an open house across the street to snoop. The seller greeted her and knew her name. Trey embarrassing!

  • Joe Friday
    May 20, 2019 at 6:24 am

    He steals pills not for him but to keep his special needs kid doped Up….

  • The angry taint
    May 20, 2019 at 5:49 am

    Not a bad scam if you’re a pill head

  • Independent Thinker
    May 20, 2019 at 3:46 am

    An Open House is the worst thing anyone can do. The serious buyers are already working with a broker. All you are doing is putting up a sign that basically says, “Attention Strangers — please come into my house and feel free to snoop around unattended,” since the agent cannot properly supervise when there are multiple visitors at once. In most cases, they hold open houses in order to appease the seller. The real estate business, in general, needs a complete shakeup because if an agent refuses to meet a stranger at a house at night, that person then pulls out the race card or yells discrimination and the agent usually gives in out of fear of losing his or her license.

  • The Name Game
    May 20, 2019 at 3:15 am

    Hmm, red-shirt pic looks like cross between Crazy Bernie and Joe Bite-me.

  • Judge, jury, and exhibitionist
    May 20, 2019 at 1:47 am

    David Os-got-burned on Turtleboy. Nice one! Guess it’s too late to set up a sting with some type of Ex-lax in the pill bottle.

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