All-Star Criminals

Grizzly McShitstain Tow Truck Driver Shows Up Plastered To Tow Car, Ends Up Getting Arrested By State Police, Somehow Got Job Despite “Route 130 Gang” Armed Roberry

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Chinstrapped Chucklefucker


Hyannis NewsAs you will see in the following HN Video, there were some tense moments for HN early Saturday morning when a flatbed tow truck contracted with the state police nearly left the roadway twice on the way to tow another vehicle from a traffic stop. At one point in the video you can hear me pleading “no, no, no!” as the large truck crossed the fog line heading straight for a utility pole. HN was concerned for the driver, thinking he may have been falling asleep at the wheel.

At the traffic stop – at about 2:22 AM – on Route 28 near the airport in Hyannis, HN asked the tow truck driver if he was okay. He said he was all set, but something told me things were not all set, so I had a word with one of the troopers. Troopers gave the duty tow truck operator field sobriety tests and arrested him for operating under the influence. The driver had been working for Capeway Towing – a very honest and reputable no-nonsense local business – and I knew their management would not tolerate such reckless behavior from one of their drivers.

Capeway issued the following brief statement on their Facebook page:

This is great. It’s like Cape Cod’s version of Tom Duggan. I love and appreciate these self-made, independent vigilante reporters who listen to the police scanner and go to the story instead of waiting for the story to come to them. This is the anti-Kevin Cullen. These are guys out there who are actually “in the streets” and getting stories the MSM could never dream of. Much respect.

Besides that, I could not stop laughing at this video. But only because no one got died. This dude was driving a Goddamn tow truck and was clearly plastered. It was a killing machine and he’s lucky he didn’t hit anyone because he’d be facing murder charges. But, since no one died, I think it’s fair game to laugh at how hilarious this is. Grizzy McShitstain shows up to tow a car, and ends up getting a DUI. You can’t make this stuff up.

That moment when you realize your prestigious career as a tow truck driver is coming to an end……

He totally thought he was acting it too, since he miraculously managed not to fall on his ass…..

But you can see when the camera zooms in that most of the time he’s not even standing on the line. Oops!!

Better call Tony Salerno.

Didn’t take long for us to find out this winner’s name…..

Well good news for Brandon – now that your towing career is over, it’s never too late to pursue your true calling…..

Get it girl!!

He’s every bit the bag of cold, flaccid penises you dreamed he would be and more…


Grown ass man with a chinstrap. Might as well get a tattoo that says, “She’s 16, but she’ll be 17 in September” on your forehead.

It’s remarkable that Capeway Towing ever hired this chinstrapped chucklefucker, as apparently they used the same background checks with him that the MSP did with Leigha Genduso…..

HAHAHHAHAHAH!! The Route 130 Boys!! Watch out y’all, it’s Mr. Steal Yo Domino’s coming to a neighborhood near you soon….

And he don’t tip either!!

He’s also got Google trophies for A&B….

So you can’t help but wonder, why didn’t Capeway Towing just punch his name into Google? We’re kind of past the stage where employers can plead ignorance anymore. But maybe, just maybe, he’s using a different name now….

The Brandon Fenton page hasn’t been used since 2014. Clean start perhaps? Hard to get a gig with those kind of trophies in your online cabinet.

He did have one person rushing to his defense on the Hyannis News Facebook page…..

Good point Mr. BigRig McSorley. Because he risks his life every day he’s allowed to get shitfaced and risk the lives of others. You also forgot to mention that your boy has a tendency to tag you in random shit on Facebook….

Cuz you’re besties and all.

Oh, and look who he’s a fan of…..

Awkward. Wonder if he’ll share this blog too….

21 Comment(s)
  • Pandra
    July 30, 2018 at 1:21 pm

    I know this kids uncles both junkies. Ones in jail for bank robbery.

  • turtledad
    July 24, 2018 at 3:00 pm

    This guy looks like he fucks dead fish for fleshlights and can;t help but sniff his dogs ass

  • DeadHookerInTheTrunk
    July 24, 2018 at 1:10 am

    Every troop has an officer assigned to vetting tow operators from the various companies in the area they work with….either the tow company didn’t submit his info for a CORY as a driver that would be responding to MSP calls or the trooper didn’t do his job …..

  • ElJefe72
    July 23, 2018 at 11:55 am

    Not sure if it’s a federal thing or just at the state level, but here in Ohio, businesses can get tax credits for hiring ex-felons to help integrate them back into society. Don’t know much about the incentive and the restrictions/requirements to qualify, but it could be why the tow truck company hired him despite his past.

  • Kimchee
    July 23, 2018 at 10:39 am

    I’m sure that nobody believes towing companies are scouring Ivy League Universities looking for employees but like TB said, it takes 7-8 seconds to type in a name on Google and find the skeletons before making a hiring decision. The biggest responsibility they ever should have given this turd burglar was washing the trucks.

  • z
    July 23, 2018 at 10:35 am

    The cocaine reference is maybe from the Metalocalypse cartoon character Dr. Rockzo.

    Dr. Rockzo I believe is based on David Lee Roth with a bit of David Hasselhoff thrown in.

    • msheadkracker
      Dr Rockzo
      July 23, 2018 at 2:09 pm

      You know what i do baybee and im doing it…ITZ SOMEBODYZ BIRTHDAY guh guh guh Yeah!

  • z
    July 23, 2018 at 10:28 am

    The sad part is, he was given a 2nd chance (which I believe most people should get) and blew it.

  • Turtlecunt
    July 23, 2018 at 9:11 am

    Fuck this reporter haha what a cunt. This is why turtleboy will never be more than a 3rd rate rag

    • Nice Fleek Eyebrows, Homo
      July 24, 2018 at 11:59 am

      Bitch, you can’t even be a tow truck driver anymore, but those eyebrows tell everybody you got a future in sucking mad dick.

  • Diane Woods emerson
    July 23, 2018 at 8:31 am

    This is great. There should be more citizens calling for things. Usually no one wants to get involved. Or they just can’t be bothered. Just listen to Some numbnut he says “police harassment “ @ the 2:49 mark. The cop was walking the drunk under arrest to a car.
    Nothing about the scene or the video looked harassing and yet an idiot thinks cops are bad. Who ever you are fuck off.

  • spelling nazi
    July 23, 2018 at 7:15 am

    Guys, please proof read your articles before you post them. No one “got died”. Almost every single article lately has a spelling or grammar problem. Ps. we love you.

    • Hank
      July 23, 2018 at 9:34 am

      The beauty about being funny is when people criticize the funny part. Showing the world just how sad and humorless you can be gives me secondhand embarrassment, and I don’t even know you. 1000% this jerkoff replies to spam ads and warns other people about them.

      • notembarassed
        July 24, 2018 at 7:55 am

        if you want to be the best journalism source, you have to be able take the criticism. That comment should only help TB to be even better. If you don’t want to look like the douchnicks you all talk about, spell correctly and check your grammar.

  • whatevuh
    July 23, 2018 at 5:38 am

    I’m kinda curious if Brandon shaves his pussy

  • Wtflol
    July 23, 2018 at 5:17 am

    Whatta pizza shit

  • Rockets redglare
    July 23, 2018 at 3:36 am

    Always nice to see the Cape represented on TB. There are shitbags aplenty down here…

  • Hayes
    July 23, 2018 at 2:03 am


  • Clitty Litter
    July 22, 2018 at 10:59 pm

    A couple of things here and there may or may not set off the douche alarm, but this page alone sheds light on a virtual cornucopia of chinstrap-esque personality defects.
    Thank god no one died. For him and any random on the road.

  • caveman
    July 22, 2018 at 10:41 pm

    WTF is a roberry?!? LMAO!!!!

  • GraftonHillGirl
    July 22, 2018 at 10:21 pm


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