All-Star Criminals

Hanson Beauty Queen Slashes Multiple People With Machetes For Complaining That Her Backseat Bone Sesh Orgasm Was Too Loud In Sharon Motel Parking Lot


EnterpriseA Hanson woman was held without bail Monday after police said she attacked three men with a machete in a hotel parking lot in Sharon following an altercation about loud sexual noises. Allison Maitland, 34, was arraigned in Stoughton District Court on two counts of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon causing serious bodily injury and one count of assault and battery with a dangerous weapon. She is due back in court Aug. 2 for a hearing to determine if she is a danger to the public.

A man who was with Maitland and involved in the fight, Sean Perry, 34, of Hanson was arrested Monday afternoon and charged with assault with a deadly weapon and disorderly conduct. He is expected to be arraigned in Stoughton District Court Tuesday. Two of the victims remained in the hospital Monday morning with serious injuries, but were in stable condition, and talking to police.

Police said that the fight happened just before 1:30 A.M. Sunday morning at the Best Western at 395 Old Post Road, where officers found a bloody scene. Police said the assault began with a heated exchange outside of the hotel that turned violent. A New York family was getting back to the hotel from a wedding when one witness observed Maitland and Perry “being sexual in (a) car” and making loud noises, according to a police report filed with court.

One of the victims, a 31-year-old man, said “get a room” loudly enough for the pair to hear, according to a witness. Perry began to yell and curse at the victim who walked over toward the car. Perry brandished a knife in the car and then hopped out and got into a fist fight with the victim. The victim’s 26-year-old brother tried to break up the fight when Maitland jumped out of the car and began to “slash at everything in front of her,” according to a witness. The 59-year-old father of the two brothers was able to wrestle the machete away from Maitland, but not before she wounded the three men.

Does this look like the face of a chick who’s just gonna let you interrupt her vulcanizing of the whoopee stick before she finishes climaxing?

Here comes the bride!

She went to the motel parking lot for one reason and one reason alone – to get plowed good, and get plowed hard. She was so determined to make sure this happened that she brought a Goddamn MACHETE to her backseat bone sesh. Because you never know when you’re gonna have to slice a bitch if you get interrupted mid stroke. That right there is a woman devoted to the art of orgasm.

My question is, why isn’t the news sharing the image of the guy plowing her? He was fornicating in public, started the whole thing by pulling a knife on the victim who rightfully told him to get a room, and without him doing that this crazy ginger never would’ve gotten out of the car and started slashing everyone like Vietcong hiding in the bush.


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51 Comment(s)
  • ncfoothillbilly
    July 30, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    34? Damn
    Was an empty fifth of Hennessy found nearby? Or 2? Shes a two-fifther. Use the two bags the fifths came in to cover that face.

  • marilu
    July 30, 2019 at 11:36 am

    gross lol — & yet ironically enough, they were in the parking lot of a fcking HOTEL! why would u settle for car sex when you can get a room? too broke for that luxury i guess

  • Melissa
    July 30, 2019 at 10:12 am

    She’s 34?! Rode hard and put away wet…

  • bill fleming
    July 30, 2019 at 6:07 am

    When did Sharon become a sister city to the methadone mile?

  • Guys! ford god's sake stop hitting up the crazy bovines, do you really want then to reproduce?
    July 30, 2019 at 5:41 am

    I want to thank the illegal immigrants of the past 30 years for making the machete (Mah-Chet-Eeee) a common weapon used in street crimes and fights. Although the Mah-Chet-Eeee will never take the place of the baseball bat in the trunk or metal bar behind the seat, it is a great addition to the arsenal.

  • Derp
    July 30, 2019 at 5:31 am

    The reason why they’re showing her is because she’s the one that went ape shit with a *machette*. And the guy is probably a minority.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    July 30, 2019 at 4:40 am

    Well, it’s sad, but it’s becoming commonplace to hear of this going on. It’s all about drugs, not making people accountable for their actions, and a welfare system that refuses to make capable people get up and go to work! As long as the freebies keep getting passed out with no limits, then you will have bored, drug hungry, pigs like this out there. Normally is call her a Pig Bitch, but she needs help.

    • no welfare for you
      July 30, 2019 at 5:44 am

      Well said Jack, so long as adults can live as teens with no work and all play time they shall never develop higher qualities of adult hood.

  • dowen0895
    Dick Scratcher
    July 30, 2019 at 3:04 am

    Limerick of the Day……

    When pounding some slut in the dark
    Take care to decide where you park
    Because one of these nights
    They’ll turn on the lights
    And you’ll scream when you see this lardvark.

    Dick Scratcher, aging rapidly at the sight of this monstrosity

  • The beast with two pimply, boil-riddled backs
    July 30, 2019 at 12:18 am

    Their love could not be ignored and would not be denied.
    I wonder how many ribbons she won at the 4H events?

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    July 29, 2019 at 11:36 pm

    Merrimack Valley Turtle Bae has really let herself go. Sad.

    • John Wypyszinski
      Herr Doktor
      July 30, 2019 at 7:32 am

      That’s the always fugly Francis Sidebottom after his gender reassignment surgery.

  • Whitman Hanson 04
    July 29, 2019 at 11:00 pm

    Went to school with her. She was sucking dick for weed back in high school.

    • Gropie AJ Baker
      July 30, 2019 at 5:46 am


  • Captain Trips
    Watch Rome Fall
    July 29, 2019 at 10:50 pm

    As in ancient Rome, the work-shy, leftists, and general scumbags are commenting on this blog.

    As in ancient Rome, the scumbags are beginning to outnumber the decent working people.

    As in ancient Rome, we have watched the ruination of one neighborhood after another adjoining neighborhood, ruined by the anti-social, lazy, EBT-fueled, nocturnal, work-shy slobs living off of the misguided good intentions of the bleeding hearts of the tax-paying society. Those who, while good intentioned, ignore the dark side of human nature and it’s tendency to take advantage of the kind-hearted, who avoid labor for gain at all costs.

    One city after another has fallen to this misguided goodwill.

    I’ve watched the North End of Springfield, from 1970 to present day, street by street, being taken over by these scumbags. From Main St up the hill to Liberty St., they have successfully destroyed a once prospering neighborhood into a crime-ridden, drug-infested, dump. The Irish fled in advance of this hoard of government-subsidy seeking scumbags.

    I’ve watched the South End of Springfield fall from a safe, decent place to live, into a crime-infested dump. The Italians saw ‘them’ coming, and fled.

    The same is happening in all of Springfield. The slime has invaded the West Allen Ridge Road and White Street areas for their attack upon East Longmeadow. It is through there that they shall take over EL, turning it into a white-flight, ghetto, crime-infested nightmare.

    Through Dickenson St they will invade Longmeadow, leaving nothing but burnt mansions, vacant houses, and overgrown-lawn tenant-infested ghetto properties.

    They are doing the same in Wilbraham as well, working their insipid way up Stony Hill Road from Boston Road.

    My suggestion is to move as far away as possible from these ruiners of society. And count the days before they come to your neighborhood.

    Some may call my post racist.

    It’s not racist.

    It’s reality.

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 30, 2019 at 12:36 am

      they should have 1000 emojis because you be preachin facks my man

    • Silencio Dogood
      July 30, 2019 at 3:06 am

      Rome had also become the most “diverse” city state of its time.

    • prepper
      July 30, 2019 at 5:48 am

      Springfield Ma???

      Run for your life man, take the financial loss and just go.

    • Peter Niss
      P. Niss
      July 30, 2019 at 9:31 am

      Indeed we do see the same social conditions that were present during the times of Marius and Sulla and a little later on Julius Caesar. It’s not long now before we have our Augustus.

      Rome had her populist reformers just like America does now. We have our populists for the same reason Rome did.

      We are a long way off before we see the likes of Commodus and the savage barbarian migrants start sacking NYC.

    • marilu
      July 30, 2019 at 11:45 am

      I was about to say tl;dr but then the word Springfield caught my eye, & it’s all facts you state sir. Moving out of that area was the best thing i did for myself, however i dont think i moved quite far east enough yet but this is much better for the meantime. I have been noticing all the crime news about E.L. & Longmeadow lately & its like wow, even those affluent towns seem to going to shit all of a sudden! Cant be hard to attain tho when it borders the worst city in western MA, it was only a matter of time i guess. That being said I dream to move farther east to central MA’s Wilbraham as i’ve dubbed Charlton.. tho that also borders some horrific places so I’m sure it wont be nice for long.. thoughts?

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    July 29, 2019 at 10:09 pm

    you have to respect her boy’s dick game if he blackened her eyes with his load…..jus sayin……gangsta

    • george costanza
      The angry taint
      July 30, 2019 at 12:35 am

      3 down votes so we now know she spawned at least 3 useless pos’s who can read english. FOAD you scourges on the welfare system

  • Francis Sidebottom
    July 29, 2019 at 8:50 pm

    Uncle turtle turd isn’t that a pic of auntie turtle turd rider ??

    • Hugh Mungous
      July 29, 2019 at 9:28 pm

      What’s wrong Frankie, Turd Murchinsons “son” couldn’t fill your Gloryhole

  • Team Bristol!
    July 29, 2019 at 8:45 pm

    Wait a minute. How do we know that’s not a picture of Bristol after Uncle TB found out she’s an ANTIFA supporter?

  • Mozambique Drill
    July 29, 2019 at 8:32 pm

    She would’ve met the business end of a H&K VP9!

  • Warren for president
    July 29, 2019 at 8:28 pm

    She’s a victim! The person’s she hacked up deserved it. They were racist far right xenophobic maggots! No room in this country for people that can’t mind their own business

  • Chop suey
    July 29, 2019 at 8:25 pm

    Send her and her cuckold drug addicted BF she met on Tinder to the gulags. Kim has a surprise for you!

  • Judge dread
    July 29, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    This bitch should be sent to the stalks this weekend for 48 hours. Stop and shop will provide the expired raw veggies for target practice.

    After that, send this bitch to a mental hospital for a mandatory lobotomy. Then dump her off on a the NJ turnpike rest stop and make this hog beast their problem. All she will have is a black eye.

  • State Farm
    July 29, 2019 at 7:25 pm

    Unfortunately the car is a total loss.

  • Timmy
    July 29, 2019 at 7:15 pm

    She got hit in the face under her eye. Is an ugly stick a real thing?

  • Here she is...Miss Ameeerricaaaa!
    July 29, 2019 at 7:14 pm

    We are so infested with prostitutes here in brockton there had to be spill over into surrounding towns eventually. The’re running out of curb and stand in the street just jumping into cars stopped at the lights. Plus the convenience stores can’t keep enough circus peanuts stocked for all of them and that’s all they eat! Always wanted to know why too because my mother loved that candy. I think the answer has something to do with coke/crack.

  • The Name Game
    July 29, 2019 at 6:57 pm

    That slam-pig of a balloon, Allison Maitland, is THIRTY-FUCKING-FOUR? WHOA! Instead of being Sean Perry’s “escort,” she looks like a 1985 Ford Escort… or at least what one would look like if it were still in existence. (My future wife had an 85 Escort, believe me, I KNOW that POS.) That’s some SERIOUS mileage on that heifer, looks more like 54! Woof! Oink! Moo! Send HER to the slaughterhouse!

  • Massholio
    July 29, 2019 at 6:56 pm

    Hanson= East Brockton.

  • Aonaöe
    July 29, 2019 at 6:42 pm

    Sir worthlesss was probably anointed with the machete beforehand

    • Aonaöe
      July 29, 2019 at 7:05 pm

      k n i g h t e d not annointed

  • Protect the desperate
    July 29, 2019 at 6:12 pm

    Why isn’t the news showing who was banging her? Because even a piece of crap like that guy shouldn’t be publically shamed to admit he paid for gas to bang that ugly skank

  • Mom’s Basement
    July 29, 2019 at 5:59 pm

    I’ll bet it sounded like a fire breaking out at the zoo. The guy was probably just released and they didn’t want to embarrass the parole board by releasing his name.

  • hank
    July 29, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    What a plot twist. Usually the machete wielding maniac is the one attacking the kids fucking in the car and not the other way around.

    • Jason Vorhes
      July 29, 2019 at 10:25 pm

      Ch ch ch ch ah ah ah ah!

      • george costanza
        The angry taint
        July 30, 2019 at 12:39 am

        it’s voorhees…. c’mon

        • I don't attend comic con
          July 30, 2019 at 5:31 pm

          Don’t nerd out about it. I don’t have his autograph on my wall from a meet a geek. Relax and go back to watching star trek.

  • z
    July 29, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    She wears that lipstick like Mimi on the Drew Carey Show.

  • Slice and dice
    July 29, 2019 at 5:11 pm

    Cut her arms off with said machete so she cannot commit such crimes in the future

  • Fuck Pig
    July 29, 2019 at 5:09 pm

    Wouldn’t touch that skank with satan’s shlong – her male companion must be a real looker to want to hit that

  • Turt McGurtz
    July 29, 2019 at 5:00 pm

    Pro tip though…. if you happen upon a couple raw dogging it in their car at a motel parking lot at 1:30 am, do not approach their car or attempt to engage their attention. Leave them be and you will in all likelihood avoid any potential machete attack.

  • Mr. Wood
    July 29, 2019 at 4:56 pm

    NO NO NO!!!! Would Not!!!!

  • What Now
    July 29, 2019 at 4:43 pm

    Meth is a hell of a drug!

    • Kim Wescott
      July 29, 2019 at 5:18 pm

      Doesn’t meth make you skinny?

      • dowen0895
        Dick Scratcher
        July 30, 2019 at 2:57 am

        Not if you eat lots of it, apparently.

      • Grundle Power
        July 30, 2019 at 5:53 am

        This Grundle has adapted like a MRSA bacteria. Meth all day, along with 7000 calories no problemo. After a nuclear war she will feast on the bodies of the dead the radiation will be her new meth.

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