Hoodrat Heroes

Happy Meal Hoodboogers Make Documentary Film Of Themselves Driving Around Worcester In The Middle Of Traffic While Whining About How Good They Are For Not Joining Gangs

Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here

Follow and like the Turtleboy Sports Returns, and Clarence Woods Emerson to keep up with the hilarious turtle rider commentary.

Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.

If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:







Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 


Worcester’s got this ongoing problem with junior hoodrats who call themselves “508 Bike Life” riding around reckless through the city, ignoring traffic laws, spitting on cops, and then whining that no one cares about them. Their slogan is “bikes up, guns down,” because the only alternative to drug dealing and shooting each other is to ride around the city doing wheelies in the middle of traffic.

They also do “swerving” where they basically play chicken by driving into oncoming vehicles before swerving out of the way at the last minute. If you win you get a cheap thrill. If you lose you become a welfare street Picasso. Cops started arresting them for swerving last year, leading to a protest outside of City Hall organized by some dumbass white people who think they’re helping fix racism by fighting for kid’s rights to kill themselves.

Well, they recently had a professionally done Youtube video made, and it’s one of the most hilarious things you’ll see today.

“We out here doing things the right way.”

This is what the “right way” looks like apparently.

Riding down Belmont Hill, one of the busiest streets in the city, with no helmets on, while standing on a bike. If that’s not the right way then I don’t know what is.

These poor little McMuffins can’t understand why the cops won’t let them do this. After all, “We don’t bring no violence, we just ride bikes together and have fun.”

Yea man, what’s the big deal? It’s not like there’s a bunch of cars on these busy streets that can’t drive because a bunch of Worcester East Middle lifers are clogging up the roads.

This is literally the only alternative to being in a gang for kids, so we should probably all give them keys to the city.

Also this:

“We dont ask for much, we just want our own spot to ride where we won’t get kicked out of and for the police to stop harassing us and for bike lanes. If the bike lane isn’t gonna get bigger then where are we gonna go?”

Yea mang, they just want some bike lines. It’s not like there’s bike lines on Belmont or Hamilton Streets along the right hand side of the road already.

Oh wait, we already gave them that and they just choose not to use them.

And of course the Worcester “renaissance” has made downtown look a lot nicer, but it hasn’t solved the problem of 508 bike life playing cat and mouse with the po-po.

It’s all going just as the City Manager planned it.

“They chase us for no reason. That destroys the trust of us with the cops.”

Yea, it’s almost as if riding down Belmont Street while standing on a bike and blocking cars from getting by is the reason they’re chasing you.

Luckily they don’t plan on ceasing their illegal activity any time soon:

“The city of Worcester and the police are going to continue to harass us but we’re not gonna stop until our voices are heard and understood.”

And the city best listen, because if not they’re gonna start selling drugs and killing muhfuckers.

“There’s not stuff out here for the yoof to do good. What if it was your kid out there and he ain’t doing nothing, he just enjoying himself, and your son gets locked up for just riding a bike? That makes no sense. Why you gonna put a good yoof inside jail and ruin a good record. He gotta go to court and that shit put him in the court system. For doing something positive.”

Wouldn’t want the yoof to start slinging H again. Those are the only options.

This was a strong point.

“All the basketball and soccer players they got gyms, fields, they got they own place to do this. But why can’t we have a place to do that too?”

It’s almost as if basketball and soccer are organized sports that won’t eventually end with your brains looking like scrambled eggs on Route 9.

The entitlement was just amazing:

“If our organization is gonna get bigger then why won’t you build us city owned property for us to be using?”

Yea yo!! Why don’t you be buying us free shit? You OWE this to us!! We lived up to our end of the bargain and haven’t killed anyone yet, but if we have to start decapitating bitches to get some free city owned property then heads are gonna roll. Literally.

Meanwhile this kid’s going down the hill while checking his Instaface.

And this Happy Meal hoodbooger right here doing the wheely.

Is 9.

And grown adults are well aware of this and reward them all with birthday cake in a privately owned parking garage.

Of course the leader of the group is 19 years old as well, making him a legal adult.

Obviously he’s a real big winner if he’s 19 years old, his social circles include 4th graders, and the highlight of his life was riding down Belmont Street while standing on a bike and not becoming a Worcester Pancake.

“I felt like Superman going down that hill. Going like 45. I like taking risks like that, doing something that’s complicated cuz there’s not really many people who can do it. Right now I’m really the first one in the 508 that’s ever gone down that hill.”

I’m looking forward to the next edition of this series – 508 Bike Life meets Darwinism.

32 Comment(s)
    December 19, 2018 at 3:29 pm

    I can picture it now, next on the 10 o’clock news.

    O0o0o ahhh ahhh ahh jonajohntrayson
    His wuazz a gewd boiy hiez jufst wentid twooz ryde hivs byke inz da mwiddle ova ta strweetz. Hiz deed nawtz derivezz diz yo thaft fukin wyyit byztchz juvest gone hivt me boiiy faahh fahh fahh noze ryoson tat whyte beatch Pryiouz jvst flwez ought iz narwear & hyte miz poovr boyi heyiz din do nuffin.
    Nahhw immazz suziezzz thavts wyght batchez azz & gevtsss hoodie wrich yozz

    Translation; my “insert hoodbooger name” was a good boy. All he wanted to do was rude his bike in the middle of the road while I was ripping newport’s, drinking cool aid & twerking my fat ass on the internet. He did not deserve this. That white bitche just hit my boy for no reason. That white bitches prius just flew out of nowhere & hit my boy. He did not do anything to deserve this & now hes dead. I’m going to sue that person.

    Now let’s be real for a moment. It’s not just these gutter stains, its bike commuters in general. They all think they own the road and that the laws of the road do not apply to them. However even if one of them hits you while you’re stopped at a red light it’s still some how your fault! It happened to my womans old man. years & years & years ago. Fucking guy was stopped at a red light and was hit by a dude on a bike text messaging. Fuckin idiot seriously injured him self and turned around and tried to sue the old man. The only reason the old man was found not at fault is because of a witness & the old mans dashcam. If people can oui on bikes and get arrested then they should have to carry a pedal bike license & insurance. If one of those idots fucks up your car and you manage to not be found at fault for the accident. now you have got to dig in your pockets to fix your car because of someone else’s stupidity. Every person who rides a bike on a public road should be required to wear a helmet, have a license, register their bike, have Insurance & pays excise taxes as well. They should also be required to have a little bike license plate as well!

    I dont want to hear the bullshit that these kids are not in gangs. That whole movement in it self is a gang! Those kids are drug runners. O they’re not? Hmmm in every other metropolitan city across the country people use kids on bikes to mule drugs. What the fuck makes worcestershire any different? They are all dingle berries on the tax payers ass hairs!

    If one of your kids decides to be smart and play chicken. I’m going to gun it on my powerstroke & play chicken right back! Guess who’s going to win? Not your kid. Guess what’s going to happen to me? Abso fucking lutely nothing. I will not get so much as a scratch on my truck! Your hoodbogger wants to play stupid games? The steel bumper in the front of my truck is going to be his stupid prize!

  • Chet Manley
    December 19, 2018 at 7:05 am

    Whoever said it is right, this does disproportionately affect minorities. That’s because they are the only shitheads doing this bullshit. Squash them when they play chicken with your car (or in my case, a 3/4 ton, 6,500lb pickup truck). It won’t take too many of these fucks getting killed, or worse paralyzed, before they fucking stop this shit.

  • Frank Rizzo
    December 19, 2018 at 6:49 am

    I can’t believe you didn’t mention the fact that these ‘kids’ on bikes are most likely being used as drug couriers in the city. Thats why they don’t need jobs. JOB? JOBS ARE FOR CHUMPS. BUNCHA FUKKIN’ PUKES

  • Scott
    December 18, 2018 at 10:03 pm

    Gonna grow up to be like that Jay Mieses hoodrat who got squashed in NYC and then had the nerve to demand muh justice. Turtleboy should do a follow up on him, where he is these days, how’s his Mass Health paid rehab going. With any luck his cripple van will be blocked by some inconsiderate driver.

  • Voice of reason
    December 18, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    I read Turtleboy almost everyday and only agree with half what I read, as I’m sure most reasonable people do. I’ve never felt a need to comment before but reading through all you other swines comments, I feel I must.

    First off let me say I definitely don’t agree with what these kids are doing, I ride a motorcycle and we have the same groups riding around like asshats giving the rest of us a bad name. They are just showing off and looking for attention or they would be riding in an empty parking lot. (Same as those tranny cross dressing freaks, if they were doing it for any other reason then attention they wouldn’t be wearing the trashiest clothes they could find with the nastiest hair color possible, they’d be dressed as a modest house wife)

    Now the main point of my comment, the rest of you scumbags talking about running down a bunch of kids and committing vehicular homicide cause you don’t like what they’re doing, some douchbag did that to a guy and his girl on a motorcycle in Texas not long ago, ask him how it worked out for him!!

    You commenters are exactly what’s wrong with society, you think laws only apply to other people. Your also just like all those fags crying about tolerance, when they are the most intolerant pieces of shit out there to anyone that doesn’t agree with them. I’ll bet money you drive in the passing lane on the highway, park in handicap spots and pass judgement at junkies while your on your 3rd beer or joint. (Tell the truth 2 out of 3, right)

    • MrSmiley
      December 22, 2018 at 2:28 pm

      Woooow. First of all I doubt you’ve been a reader very long if shit like this got you so triggered? Do you really think any of us would honestly drive over one of these pukes on purpose? Fucking intolerant that’s rich! Are we supposed to be tolerant of little shits weaving in and out of traffic when the commute thru the city sucks bad enough? Do you want to pay higher taxes to give kids with the attention span of a fly a brand new spot for gang recruiters and runners to “ride” They’re already spouting the fuck 12 shit do you really think this is going to turn the tide? Please do us a favor and fuck right off. One click isn’t much of a big deal. Start a gofundme for them.

  • Reddog
    December 18, 2018 at 9:50 pm

    What about that $1,000,000 main south bike trail?? Don’t want flat tires from the dirty needles?

  • Sick of these ratchet fucks
    December 18, 2018 at 6:46 pm

    The Circus is always hiring Monkeys that can ride bikes…

  • WeAreFukd
    December 18, 2018 at 6:31 pm

    And when Belmont Street stunt dummy gets his prize, a brain injury requiring 18 hours per day of healthcare for the rest of his life, us Massachusetts tax payers will give him that… because he’s entitled.

  • Your move Darwin
    December 18, 2018 at 6:24 pm

    Show the vid of the city truck hitting the kid running the stop sign again.

  • Could be worse
    December 18, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    I’ve talked to some of these kids a few different times about their bikes and doing tricks and they’ve always been polite to me. That counts for something. Plus they are bringing back the old school look. I saw a PK Ripper a few weeks ago. I understand the problem here but as long as these kids are trying to engage in conversations it’s worth entertaining their ideas.

    • WeAreFukd
      December 18, 2018 at 6:36 pm

      You can’t be serious? You see them riding down Belmont Street right? Swerving? Etc…

      No, we should talk to civilized people. Not bicycle douches.

    • Enough
      December 18, 2018 at 6:38 pm

      When your done “engaging” with the speed-bump kiddies turn yourself in and hang yourself in your cell for being dumber than dirt.

  • The Vorlon
    The Vorlon
    December 18, 2018 at 5:09 pm

    Might be a good time to test that 100lb monofiliment, say at about 4 feet off the ground…

  • MrSmiley
    December 18, 2018 at 4:55 pm

    Fuckem. Mobile roadcones. It’s okay we’re not shooting people! We ll just break traffic laws at will and endanger the public instead. Oldest kid in that was 21. Priorities. I’d bet 20 that you can find at least 3 of them that are conveniently “friends” with kilby or prov st or outlaws etc on social media.

  • DJ
    December 18, 2018 at 4:16 pm

    Lastly, I would love it if someone went and kicked the tire while Brandon, the 19 year old loser, decided to stand on his bike going 45 mph down Belmont Street..lol funny! This loser will end up dead or in a coma from a traumatic brain injury. SMDH cannot believe the level if stupidity here!

  • Akihito
    December 18, 2018 at 4:11 pm

    Look like a bunch of Darwinners

  • DJ
    December 18, 2018 at 4:11 pm

    Somewhere there is a ratchet just waiting for their crotch fruit to get smoked by a car driven by a white person so they can sue the shit out of them!! Why would any parent allow a child to ride a bike without a helmet, ride with adults who hang out with children and ride their bike like a complete fucking idiot?? We probably paid for each of these hood rat bikes and now we are supposed to build them a riding space. What the fuck!!! Just wait because when one of these little fuckers get smoked by a car, it will be a full blown ratchet nightmare. Shoot them all!!

  • Chip Striker
    December 18, 2018 at 4:08 pm

    Of course getting a job is not an option.

  • ogie
    December 18, 2018 at 4:01 pm

    i believe pee wee herman claimed the west side of Belmont…..you boys better check yo self

  • Clitty Litter
    December 18, 2018 at 3:33 pm

    Did you see that kid surf down Belmont Hill ?!!!!!

    Saw the video. Meh. Can’t picture my 9 yo rolling with those hoodrats. Fuck them. 9-24 yrs.

    Did you see that kid surf down Belmont Hill ?!!!!

  • don
    December 18, 2018 at 3:18 pm

    lil turds demanding things to be changed because they said so. slap their parents for putting that entitlement shit in their heads. time to put the plow on the truck. how about get a damn job and buy a car that doesnt have pedals.

    • Y
      December 18, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      They can’t find their parents; what makes you think you can???

    • Hell No!
      December 19, 2018 at 7:11 am

      Parents? Are you fucking serious? These fucks don’t have parents. They have, at best, one fucking breeder at the location where they eat, shit, and jack off. There are no parents in these shitheads’ lives, there never were any. Just fucking hoodrats that fuck and pop out welfare tickets. If they had actual parents, maybe they wouldn’t be worthless fucks.

  • John Q Public
    December 18, 2018 at 3:15 pm

    Very impressive. You have some real registered bluegums over there….

  • Y
    December 18, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    Seems like they want to turn Worcester into Baltimore:

  • Maggie the Cat
    December 18, 2018 at 3:09 pm

    There’s a good opportunity for some target practice here. (Just Kidding…)

  • 508 diper invasion
    December 18, 2018 at 3:07 pm

    I hope they all die.

  • Don'tBeALickspittle
    December 18, 2018 at 2:59 pm

    “Kids” aged 7 -24? That’s a wide range of dunderheads.

    • ElJefe72
      December 18, 2018 at 4:02 pm

      If you’re over 20 years old and consider yourself a “youth”, you’re a mental midget.

    • Xenophobe and Proud
      December 18, 2018 at 6:36 pm

      IDK what’s worse the man-bun metrosexual apologists giving tune-ups and free lights to the little darlings or that 18 – 24 year old men “Hang Out” with 7 year olds to ride bikes in traffic. Give em some bath-salts before their next group ride.

      If these little jerks represent what a COMMUNITY is, I want to be a hermit.

  • Maura Healey's Leathery Nipples
    December 18, 2018 at 2:57 pm

    No way in HELL “Lil Cuz” is 9. He might only be able to count up to 9, but that lil’ foocher needs to register for the draft.

Comment on this Post


All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It