Follow and Subscribe to Turtleboy podcasts on SoundCloud or iTunes by clicking here.
Want to advertise with Turtleboy? Email us at Turtleboysports@gmail.com for more information.
If you like free speech and want to support what we’re doing, feel free to donate to the Turtle fund:
Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy:
Worcester’s got this ongoing problem with junior hoodrats who call themselves “508 Bike Life” riding around reckless through the city, ignoring traffic laws, spitting on cops, and then whining that no one cares about them. Their slogan is “bikes up, guns down,” because the only alternative to drug dealing and shooting each other is to ride around the city doing wheelies in the middle of traffic.
They also do “swerving” where they basically play chicken by driving into oncoming vehicles before swerving out of the way at the last minute. If you win you get a cheap thrill. If you lose you become a welfare street Picasso. Cops started arresting them for swerving last year, leading to a protest outside of City Hall organized by some dumbass white people who think they’re helping fix racism by fighting for kid’s rights to kill themselves.
Well, they recently had a professionally done Youtube video made, and it’s one of the most hilarious things you’ll see today.
“We out here doing things the right way.”
This is what the “right way” looks like apparently.
Riding down Belmont Hill, one of the busiest streets in the city, with no helmets on, while standing on a bike. If that’s not the right way then I don’t know what is.
These poor little McMuffins can’t understand why the cops won’t let them do this. After all, “We don’t bring no violence, we just ride bikes together and have fun.”
Yea man, what’s the big deal? It’s not like there’s a bunch of cars on these busy streets that can’t drive because a bunch of Worcester East Middle lifers are clogging up the roads.
This is literally the only alternative to being in a gang for kids, so we should probably all give them keys to the city.
“We dont ask for much, we just want our own spot to ride where we won’t get kicked out of and for the police to stop harassing us and for bike lanes. If the bike lane isn’t gonna get bigger then where are we gonna go?”
Yea mang, they just want some bike lines. It’s not like there’s bike lines on Belmont or Hamilton Streets along the right hand side of the road already.
Oh wait, we already gave them that and they just choose not to use them.
And of course the Worcester “renaissance” has made downtown look a lot nicer, but it hasn’t solved the problem of 508 bike life playing cat and mouse with the po-po.
It’s all going just as the City Manager planned it.
“They chase us for no reason. That destroys the trust of us with the cops.”
Yea, it’s almost as if riding down Belmont Street while standing on a bike and blocking cars from getting by is the reason they’re chasing you.
Luckily they don’t plan on ceasing their illegal activity any time soon:
“The city of Worcester and the police are going to continue to harass us but we’re not gonna stop until our voices are heard and understood.”
And the city best listen, because if not they’re gonna start selling drugs and killing muhfuckers.
“There’s not stuff out here for the yoof to do good. What if it was your kid out there and he ain’t doing nothing, he just enjoying himself, and your son gets locked up for just riding a bike? That makes no sense. Why you gonna put a good yoof inside jail and ruin a good record. He gotta go to court and that shit put him in the court system. For doing something positive.”
Wouldn’t want the yoof to start slinging H again. Those are the only options.
This was a strong point.
“All the basketball and soccer players they got gyms, fields, they got they own place to do this. But why can’t we have a place to do that too?”
It’s almost as if basketball and soccer are organized sports that won’t eventually end with your brains looking like scrambled eggs on Route 9.
The entitlement was just amazing:
“If our organization is gonna get bigger then why won’t you build us city owned property for us to be using?”
Yea yo!! Why don’t you be buying us free shit? You OWE this to us!! We lived up to our end of the bargain and haven’t killed anyone yet, but if we have to start decapitating bitches to get some free city owned property then heads are gonna roll. Literally.
Meanwhile this kid’s going down the hill while checking his Instaface.
And this Happy Meal hoodbooger right here doing the wheely.
And grown adults are well aware of this and reward them all with birthday cake in a privately owned parking garage.
Of course the leader of the group is 19 years old as well, making him a legal adult.
Obviously he’s a real big winner if he’s 19 years old, his social circles include 4th graders, and the highlight of his life was riding down Belmont Street while standing on a bike and not becoming a Worcester Pancake.
“I felt like Superman going down that hill. Going like 45. I like taking risks like that, doing something that’s complicated cuz there’s not really many people who can do it. Right now I’m really the first one in the 508 that’s ever gone down that hill.”
I’m looking forward to the next edition of this series – 508 Bike Life meets Darwinism.