Smiles And Sunshine

Here Are The Four Ratchets Who Won The Turtle Rider Vote And Advance In Turtleboy Ratchet Madness

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The voting for the play-in games for 2018 Turtleboy Ratchet Madness has finished. Here are the four ratchets who will advance and go up against the #1 seeds:







It was nice knowing you Tiana Trance, Palmer Pizza Boy, Salisbury Sea Cow, and Wacky Walter Bird, but you just weren’t ratchet enough. Tomorrow we start with the field of 64 in the Fupasloth region. Here’s what the new bracket looks like:

Some good matchups. See ya tomorrow turtle riders.

10 Comment(s)
  • GingyKidd
    April 4, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    No fucking way Gaffney beat her. None. Was that the poll that was after the wrong recap? Gaffney is sad but he’s no where near ratchet madness!

  • Mirror Mirror
    April 4, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    Don’t undermine yourself Turtle. You could win this!

    After all you are the only constant in these stories of ratchetry.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Mirror Mirror
      April 5, 2018 at 7:21 am

      Oh, look. A lazy tool that can’t come up with their own screen name. Is that you again, EBoyler?

  • Kevin Lynch
    April 4, 2018 at 3:48 pm


  • Walter "Pencil Dick" Bird
    April 4, 2018 at 2:28 pm

    Rigged. I banged more pussy using my job here at Worcester Magazine than you could ever imagine. I banged chicks that smell like musk. I slipped my finger in broads that don’t shave their armpits. I got hippie twats wasted so I could play doctor. I deserve recognition for my slippery shlong.

    • True Reality Speaks
      Mirror Mirror
      April 5, 2018 at 7:24 am

      Blow up dolls hidden in your Mom’s basement don’t count, Wally.

  • Hughbo Mont
    April 4, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    The microwaver is WAY past ratchet.

  • Smh
    April 4, 2018 at 11:38 am

    I hate seeing that picture of the turtle in the microwave, you can see that the poor thing tried so hard to get out of that bowl.. the cruelty to have no problem with doing that is not only so sick and disturbing. It’s scary

  • Osiris
    April 4, 2018 at 11:17 am

    I dunno….Gaffney is a milky-faced d-bag, but is he RATCHET??????

    • savvyturtlebear
      April 4, 2018 at 9:35 pm

      he’s gonna get ratchet hosed by didi delgado anyway, so not very ratchet.

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