Smiles And Sunshine

Here Are Your 2019 Ratchet Madness Final 4, Vote For Which 2 Will Face Off In The Championship


Voting in the Elite 8 of Ratchet Madness is completed. Here are your Final 4:

Jackoff Sauce vs. Slumdog Chillionaire Mom was one of the closest matchups of this tournament. None of the 1 seeds made it to the Final 4, but all those who did are 2’s and 3’s. At this point you have to say that the favorite continues to be Rian Waters because he’s been the most dominant so far, but anything is possible in Ratchet Madness. Time to vote for which 2 should face off in our championship.


2. Franklin Smollett

  • Brought his aggressive and un-neutuered pitbulls to an Attleboro dog park where they humped a woman’s dog repeatedly
  • Stayed in car while this was happening, and only came out to berate and film the woman who asked him to get his dogs off of her’s
  • Posted video everywhere, claimed she’s a racist without evidence
  • Came on our show and embarrassed himself after lecturing us about white privilege
  • Has open case for felony domestic assault against him
  • Blames the victim of his assault, who he is not allowed to contact but does anyway
  • Messaged family members of the assault victim calling the victim a ho and other choice words
  • The victim was his girlfriend and a junkie stripper who he supplies with drugs
  • Filmed himself bringing another junkie to Providence to confront and beat her in the streets for stealing drugs from him
  • Associates openly with violent felons
  • Was arrested days after being exposed by us for drug dealing
  • Was supposed to go on Inside Edition but it was cancelled after we alerted them of his true character, he blamed this on white privilege


3. Juicin Jeremy

  • Has a long and documented history of conning attractive women into dating him, despite being perpetually unemployed and broke
  • Has been accused by multiple ex-girlfriends of domestic violence, including throwing a woman’s face into a suitcase because she said the wrong thing to him
  • Got newest girlfriend Tanya Hall killed after starting beef with a biker gang at a bar in Manchester, including one armed individual who shot up his Jeep
  • Got his Jeep from other girlfriend who Tanya didn’t know about who he was also conning
  • Started GoFundMe for Tanya without family’s permission and gave them nothing in proceeds
  • Wasn’t invited to Tanya’s wake or funeral
  • Went on TV whining about how much he loved her with fakest crocodile tears ever
  • Lied to other women about his relationship with Tanya, who was paying for everything and seemed to be into him
  • Tried to get custody of Tanya’s son, who he is not related to, because he falsely claimed that the child thinks he’s Dad
  • Has long history of bizarre sexual messages he send to random women
  • Cried like a bitch after being arrested by the police for drug possession and driving without a license
  • Attempted to defend his honor on our Facebook page before being arrested
  • Put car for sale on Facebook marketplace after being arrested



2. Rian Waters

  • Has never paid a dime in child support to his special needs daughter who he abandoned
  • Moved to California with his baby momma and daughter initially, promising them great things, but they ended up becoming homeless so she moved back to Palmer area
  • Visited home when his daughter was 2 years old, assaulted his baby momma in front of her by punching her in the face, and then kicked the dog so hard in front of the child that the dog had to be put down
  • Scared his baby momma not to testify by threatening to make up allegations of drug abuse on her part when he called the DEA and DCF
  • Filed an actual lawsuit against DCF
  • Filed an actual lawsuit against Turtleboy Sports for blogging about his public domestic abuse allegation
  • Sued the woman who he assaulted and scared into testifying against him, and who he owes unGodly amounts of child support to
  • Believes he has been found not guilty in a court of law because he intimidated a witness into not testifying, thus leading to the charges being dropped
  • Pretends to be a wealthy and overly arrogant poker player on Facebook, despite being wildly unsuccessful and rocking a hideous pubestache
  • Started a GoFundMe for his lawsuit against Turtleboy on the basis that Turtleboy calls children crotch fruits
  • Teamed up with Milky Mike Gaffney who wrote him an afidavit and wrote his complaint for him after losing to Uncle Turtleboy in court
  • Dropped his lawsuit against his baby momma after several turtle riders showed up to show their support for her at court
  • Once was caught attempting to smuggle drugs across an international border and made a break for it before being caught in the woods
  • Attempted to extort Uncle Turtleboy in order to not file a losing lawsuit against him



3. Jackoff Sauce

  • Aspiring rapper who fed his underaged girl alcohol, put her on a leash, and forced her to walk around the neighborhood like a dog so he could post it on social media
  • Forced her to have “property of Mack Sauce” written on her ass cheeks
  • Has copious amounts of Google trophies
  • When the police came to investigate him he decided to fight them and end up in jail
  • Ended up going to prison for kiddie porn because he uploaded video of himself banging her onto the Internet
  • Got an additional charge for witness intimidation when he called the victim (his “gf”) from prison



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8 Comment(s)
  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    Old Tom Morris
    May 5, 2019 at 8:46 am

    More ratchets than Harbor Freight.

  • Boognish
    May 3, 2019 at 3:18 pm

    Poor Maude. This was the first thing she ever had a shot at actually winning legitimately…..

  • Nee Chi
    May 3, 2019 at 11:05 am

    Is Rian the Lebron James, or the Micheal Jordan of Rachetry??

  • Hugh-Bo Mont
    May 3, 2019 at 10:49 am

    Pube face Rian for the win. Bobbin’ for Boners may have gone down, but she’ll be elected to the TBS Hall of Fame on the first ballot.

    • Sir Wilfred Death
      May 4, 2019 at 7:31 am

      After last year’s story on the rap video filmed in the family ice cream stand and Dear Dierdre’s making the Rockland Town Hall a biohazard site, I’m thinking of starting a steam cleaning business. Big bucks all over ratchet land.

      Social Media is Cancer

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    May 3, 2019 at 6:52 am

    Sad to see Bobbin For Boners, Maude, and Gregg Bates fall short. Juicin Jeremy is too common a thug. Slumdog is one dimensional. She never should have gone this far.

    Waters for the win. He’s a dog murderer for Christ’s sake.

    Social Media is Cancer

    • dowen0895
      Dick Scratcher
      May 3, 2019 at 9:32 am

      I was rooting for Failure Swift and Bobbin for Boners.

      Ol’ Failure is as mental and as ratchet as they come. And don’t get me started on her poor cuck husband. So disappointed she didn’t make it this far.

  • DQ
    May 2, 2019 at 11:13 pm

    That asshole Rian has this one in the bag.

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