All-Star Criminals

Here’s One Of The Two High As Hell Hoodboogers That Hotboxed A Baby That Wasn’t Theirs In Manchester NH

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Alright, I thought we covered this last week but apparently some folks didn’t get the memo. You aren’t supposed to smoke weed in the general vicinity of the innocents, y’all…



WHDH:”MANCHESTER, N.H. (WHDH) – Two men were placed under arrest for allegedly smoking marijuana in a car that had a 16-month-old child in the back seat in Manchester, New Hampshire on Thursday.

Investigators smelled a strong odor of marijuana coming from a 2016 Chevrolet Cruz they stopped for making an illegal U-turn on Walnut Street around 3:30 p.m., police said.

Officers determined that the driver, 20-year-old Gerard Coward of West Bridgewater, and 32-year-old passenger David Pento, of no fixed address, smoked marijuana inside the car with the infant in the back seat, according to police.

Coward was allegedly found in possession of $4,300 in cash and three-quarters of an ounce of marijuana, which was all seized.

Investigators learned that the child, who is not related to either man, was in Coward’s care.

The toddler’s mother took the custody of the child shortly after police informed her of the circumstances.

Coward was charged with operating a motor vehicle while under the influence of alcohol and drugs and was given a summons for possessing the marijuana. Both men were also charged with reckless conduct.

Coward was released on $2,000 personal recognizance bail and Pento was released on $1,000 personal recognizance bail.

They are both scheduled to appear in Hillsborough County Superior Court-North on Aug. 23.”


God damn it, people.  Do we still have to have this conversation in again 2018!? Do what ‘cha do, just keep children out of it! They have tiny stupid brains that need to be protected so they don’t turn out like you!

So I couldn’t find David but sure as shit find Gerard Coward. Now, not only does this little bitch live up to his last name but also…


The Hat! Not only The Hat but also a blunt!

Have you ever seen a bigger douche?

Have you?

No the fuck ya haven’t. When trying to conjure up the image of the kind of asshole who would hotbox a baby that wasn’t even his, this is exactly what I imagined….

Some douche I know says that he’s throwin’ the Orange County sign, I really don’t give a crap. Come at me hoodbooger, I ain’t scurred. Why? Because your ass is too damn high to read. Even if you could, how the hell you supposed to fight on the ganja bruh? You were driving around with …somebody’s baby, for…some reason while high as a kite. In Manchester, NH.

Andfor further proof of idiocy, look at your mugshot!


You and the Cheech to your Chong need Jesus. Really. I likes my weed as well, as has been highly (pun intended) documented over the time I’ve been working here at Turtleboy Sports, but even I draw the line at fish bowling babies. If my kids had turned out any worse than they are now I would’ve just left them with their Nana and never came back. But ya see, it would have been my kid to abandon after ruining via hotboxing the lil fucker. WTF were you two doing? I can see some “trying to bone the Mom” happening here. Guess what? This ain’t how you gain access to a penis fly trap. Roses? Sure. Courtship at the nearest Burger King? Hellz yeah! Saying you’re taking the baby for a spin? OMG so much yes! Returning the baby high as shit? You missed the mark, guys. And you were sooooo close!

By the by, what mother looks at this guy and says to herself “Yup, totes trustworthy”?


Whatever bros.

Listen, if any of you are unfortunate enough to know David Pento, hit me up with the details on this hoodtastic loser! I cannot wait to dig through that dumpster fire of a human.

Esther Manch on the book








12 Comment(s)
  • Bowe Bergdahl
    July 26, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    Since nobody has mentioned it, I will. He has an isis beard. Why else would he would have that shit on his face?

  • Ray Patriarca
    Ray Patriarca
    July 26, 2018 at 10:01 am

    The asshole needs to buy a razor. That is the most pathetic excuse for facial hair I’ve ever seen.
    It looks like he clipped his pubes and rubber-cemented it to his face.
    My 96 year old Italian grandmother has more respectable facial hair !
    Fucking tool !

  • ncfoothillbilly
    July 26, 2018 at 10:00 am

    99% pillow biter…a manbun would bump him up into 100% faggotry. WTF is up with all these eyebrow pluckers?

    • Hughbo Mont
      July 26, 2018 at 1:53 pm

      With lips like that it’s SRO at the gloryhole when he makes an appearance.

  • MrSmiley
    July 26, 2018 at 7:26 am

    I just love the mugshot wha wha what’d I do look. Tough on selfie fucked on mugshot.

  • Jason April
    July 26, 2018 at 3:20 am

    I can’t even take a break to get my gape hole pegged by my transracial Latinx polygendered furry otherkin fiancee.
    And yes, the rubber phallus we use is long, and thick, and veiny, and black as Wesley Snipes, but that’s only because we’re doing our part to erase centuries of systematic oppression. Or you can keep reading turdleboy and bask in your racist clouds of privilege. #WarrenOcasioCortez2020

  • The Mooch.
    July 26, 2018 at 3:14 am

    Here’s the thing, okay? The Mooch–wicked into Christ. Y’know, Jesus? That guy’s the fuckin’ tits. And if The Mooch knows Jesus, then Jesus would take one look at these jabronies and say “I bet these two suck each other’s cocks. Fuck these two losers.”

  • Y
    July 26, 2018 at 2:16 am

  • Fo Sho
    Not wid my dick
    July 25, 2018 at 11:02 pm

    Def a feg.

  • TJB
    July 25, 2018 at 10:55 pm

    Coward was allegedly found in possession of $4,300 in cash. Well now, who wants to bet the mother has TANF, EBT, SEC. APE, WIC and fuel assistance? Who is the car reg belong to? And CPS will know about this at 9 AM, if they dont already. Im shopping at ALDI to save money, these assholes have 4 grand in cash. WTF?

  • y
    July 25, 2018 at 8:49 pm

    From Boogie-Down Brockton, stunting in Manch-Vegas, with someone else’s infant and 4 plus racks (AKA over $4K cash), yet they only get him on OUI, possession and reckless conduct?
    Where’s the dope/brown/heroin?
    Better keep an eye on this fool!

  • Big Pete
    July 25, 2018 at 8:31 pm

    What’s with the gayboi look with the mirror selfies these kids have nowadays?

    Looking to get their buns pounded I think.

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