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So April 2nd (today or tomorrow depending on when you’re reading this) is the final day you can vote for Worcester Magazine’s Best of Worcester 2015. Our blog was in it’s infant stages last year, so some lady named Nicole Apostola apparently won, as she does every year. Here’s her blog. I have no idea who this lady is, and I’m sure she’s got a heart of gold, but if Turtleboy doesn’t win best blog then Worcester Magazine officially becomes a joke. So make sure if you haven’t done so already that you vote for Turtleboy Sports best blog. The catch is that you have to vote for at least 15 categories in order for your ballot to be valid. So here’s Turtleboy’s official recomendations for WoMag’s best of 2015…..
Barbecue – Smokestack Urban Barbecue. Because, obviously.
BYOB – Ya Mon. I don’t know how this guy stays in business because whenever we go there we are the only people in the place. But it’s run by this Jamaican guy who lets you bring your own booze in. If you’ve ever been to Jamaica you know that the two rules of thumb for eating out are, 1) you better like jerk sauce, and 2) clear your schedule because it takes an hour and a half to get your food even if you’re the only customer. Luckily you can get drunk on Red Stripe while you wait. Everything is chill in Jamaica. No problem – only situation.
Coffee – Donut Express. So glad I found this place a few years ago at the corner of Hope Ave and Webster St. They have by far the best coffee, including five million different flavors (I recommend snickerdoodle), and the best breakfast sandwiches in the region.
Cupcakes – Gerardo’s. Not even a contest. The dude runs a bride factory in there. Mrs. Turtleboy and I got our wedding cupcakes there. He’s this old school Italian guy who knows all things cake better than I know riding turtles. He brought us upstairs for a tasting, we picked the one we wanted, and then he got on his radio and said, “Send up the next bride.” Bad ass cupcake guy.
Dining bang for the buck – Breen’s Cafe. I love Breen’s. Gigantic burgers and cheap beer. You’ll never feel so satiated for $7.
Hot Dogs – Hot Dog Annie’s or Coney Island? GFQ. I know what I’ll be blogging about on Thursday.
Neighborhood Bar – I don’t exactly know what qualifies as a “neighborhood bar” but the Union Tavern is pretty much the hottest shit going in Worcester right now. And that’s in a neighborhood – albeit not one I would suggest moving to. Gotta go with the Union for this one.
Lunch Spot – Weepin Willie’s. Top notch fresh deli meat in Shrewsbury and Auburn. No-brainer. Runner up, Belsito’s.
Pizza – To be decided.
Restaurant – Bennie’s Cafe. Order the Rueben. You’ll thank me later.
Seafood – Ronnie’s. Give me fried scallops any day of the week over that fancy crap.
Sports Bar – Perfect Game. Order the “Fear the Turtle” shot.
Wings – Smokestack Urban Barbecue. I’m not even saying this because they’re a sponsor. I’m saying this because the Buffalo sauce they have there are nothing less than orgasmic. I get aroused just thinking about it.
Takeout – How is this a category? Can’t you just get takeout from pretty much every restaurant? If that’s the case I’d have to go with either O’Connor’s or The Boynton. Irish Potato Pizza and Kate Toomey’s Chicken and Tortellini vs. Chilli Pepper Calamari and Buffalo Chicken Pizza. Can’t decide. You pick.
Barber Shop – The Buzz. I used to go to Kay’s on Park Ave – a classic Worcester establishment. If you’re a regular at Kay’s then you know the deal – you sign in and wait your turn. But the REAL regulars only get their haircut by the same woman. For years Heather gave this Turtleboy the freshest cut there. Then one day she disappeared and they couldn’t say where she went. I heard rumors she was somewhere near Tatnuck. Then one day I went to JJM Insurance and there she was. Opened up The Buzz on Chandler Street. If you’ve never been there before then go. Fresh cuts like you read about. Tell her Turtleboy sent ya.
Insurance – JJM Insurance. Mike Marshall will hook you up with some delicious home or car insurance. I try to crash my car at least every other month just so I get my money’s worth.
Liquor Store – Julio’s. We’ve been trying to get these guys as sponsors for a while now. Easily the biggest liquor store you’ll see in Worcester County (it’s in Westboro). Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino came there in 2011 for some vodka signings in 2011 before some good ol’ fashioned GTL. We won’t hold that against them though. I assume by now The Sitch has hit rock bottom and will be moving onto the gay porn phase of his career, soon to be followed by the “don’t do what I did high school guest speaker tour.”
Tattoo Parlor – Zaza Ink. Legendary status for the first person who gets a Turtleboy tattoo. You won’t.
Used Car Dealer – North End Motors. Only a schmuck like Mrs. Turtleboy buys a new car. Get it used, get it at North End Motors. Tell em Turtleboy sent ya.
Annual Festival – Greek Festival. Because I love Greek people. Especially 60 year old pizza shop owners. That and feta cheese washed down with some ouzo.
Local Blog – Turtleboy Sports. Suck on that Old Balls.
Thanksgiving Eve Reunion – Blarney Stone. Home of the Blarney Miracle.
Radio Station – 100.1 FM The Pike. Especially Tuesday’s from 8-9 AM for Turtleboy Tuesdays.
Columnist – Janice Harvey. I was gonna say vote for Turtleboy for this too, but Janice Harvey needs your support. Stick it to Clive.
Councilor – Mike Gaffney. Gotta be Gaffney. He’s been easily the most vocal advocate for students and teachers at North High and he was on the right side of the anti-cop hippie protest. Oh yea, and bonus points for sticking it to Clive. Runner-up is Connie Lukes for constantly being a pain in the ass to the establishment, and for recently calling for an audit of the Mosaic Cultural Center.
Local Poet – Robert Blackwell-Gibbs. I’m not even fucking kidding. EVERYONE vote for him. It’s like when everyone kept voting for Sanjaya on American Idol just because it was funny to keep the worst guy on. Nothing would make me happier than seeing him when best poet.
Radio Personality – Turtleboy. Duh.
School Committee Member – Brian O’Connell/Diana Biancheria. Either one is fine. Either you’re with Boone or you’re with the people of Worcester. These are the only two who vote in the best interests of students and teachers at North High.
Salvage Yard – Car Heaven. A great place to have your car destroyed for some quick cash.
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