Smiles And Sunshine

Hockey Mom Emasculates Losing Team On Twitter And She Can Blog For Me Any Day Of The Week

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I think it’s pretty generally accepted that hockey parents are the most insane parents of all the parents. Never has that been more clear than a recent round of Tweet beef between a hockey Mom and the entire other team in Ohio. A woman named Jennifer Green, whose son Caleb plays for the Olentangy Orange, offered her son up a congratulatory tweet after his team beat Upper Arlington High School.

Reading the tweet by tweet on Arlington’s Twitter, it appeared as if the game was a real nail biter. So clearly a congratulatory tweet was not out of line. Now I will say this – Moms need to stay off of Twitter. High school kids use this instead of Facebook because all you old hags got Facebook accounts. Let the slug rakes have Twitter and older people can use Facebook, because high school kids are too dumb to realize that Twitter is the same thing as Facebook except with a million less features.

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But nevertheless the Tweet was harmless. Unfortunately for her she found out the hard way why the Twittersphere is no place for Moms.

#Menopause. Alright that’s actually kind of witty for a 16 year old shit-for-brains. But every time one of this little shit muffins tried to boom-roast her she had one epic comeback after another

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Hey Clay, wanna know how bad you suck at life? Not only did you just lose a hockey game, you just got called a bitch by someone on the other team’s Mom. Doesn’t get much lower than that pal. #MomOfaWinner. You know how I can tell Clay Payne is an asshole?

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Because his Mom named him Clayton. And he’s from Ohio – the Florida of the North. Oh yea, and he says shit like this after this tweet beef made it onto Deadspin:


Here’s the thing with white suburban kids using the “n” word – it’s much more common than you think. Find some white kids from Wachusett, or Shrewsbury, or Millbury, or Tantasqua, or whatever town there’s a Trader Joe’s in on Twitter. They’re all throwing “n” bombs around like it ain’t no thang. I could get mad at Clayton here, but he’s just a product of his generation. This is what white kids do now – they say “nigga” a lot because they’re just so fucking ignorant they can’t help it. You could tell them not to do it, but then you just sound like the old guy talking about “back in my day.” This is what white kids do now.

It’s not really their fault either. I blame assholes who come up with idiotic rules about who can and can’t use the word. Or better yet – if you have the “r” at the end of it or just an “a.” As if that makes a difference. Newsflash – this is what happens when you make up rules about racial slurs as you go along. The lines become blurred and white kids everywhere start throwing it around in casual internet conversation with no shame. If it’s a bad word then it’s a bad word and no one gets to say it. End of story.

Now, a major reason that parents have no business being on the Internet is because they don’t have any fucking clue how the Internet works. I can’t be more clear about this – the Internet is a place where people go to say terrible things about other people. It’s not real though. It’s just the Internet. Hockey Mom Jen Green showed this perfectly when she started to tweet at this guy –

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The Superintendent of schools in Arlington, which inevitably led to this:

I absolutely love this woman. Hey Jennifer Green – you can come blog for me ANY DAY of the week. Takes like this aren’t easy to find. I love your no fucks given attitude, your thirst for revenge, and the fact that you’re not afraid to go after teenagers. Turtleboy Sports needs an Ohio blogger. God brought me to you for a reason.

Then of course the losers started whining about how mean she was being:

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Hey dipshit McGee, stop trying to take the moral high-ground here. Twitter fights are for teenagers? You’re* a mom? That’s the best you butthurt losers can come up with? Feigned moral indignation? Newsflash – just because you gave birth doesn’t mean you won’t tell a bunch of overprivileged fucktard hockey bros to go fuck themselves. Oh yea, and you little pussies were the ones that started it. All she did was congratulate her son and you were all too butthurt to let her be. You started harassing her and one at a time she picked you off and humiliated you for the world to see. Now you’re whining about how Moms aren’t supposed to embarrass you like that? On a scale of 1-10, just how sandy are your vaginas right now? I’m a Dad too. Me and Jen Green have more than double your life experiences with comebacks. You’re completely out of your league and now you’ve been exposed. Call it a day champ.

Finally she said what we all were thinking to her son:

LOL, it’s funny because it’s true. All the poor lady did was congratulate her son and it led to World War 3. Because apparently butthurt losers don’t like it when Moms congratulate their kids on Twitter. The offer stands Jen Green. You can be our official Turtle Mom blogger. Email us at and you’ll be featured immediately.

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8 Comment(s)
  • devils mouthpiece
    February 18, 2015 at 9:24 am

    Leave the turtle alone! The little twerps had it coming too them for acting like such inbred trailer trash. Besides, it’s Ohio and nothing of any use or value comes from that forsaken cesspool.

  • Kieran Adamo
    February 18, 2015 at 12:58 am

    You’re so immature. Really? You are calling teenagers names to make yourself sound tough and you sound like a complete asshole to be making fun of a kids name and his picture. You say you’re a dad, so how about you grow up and act like one.

    • Finnish Goalie
      February 18, 2015 at 11:40 am

      Looks like the traditional model of soccer/hockey mom is now emerging.

  • February 17, 2015 at 11:22 pm

    Your website is trash just like your supposed upbringing. You clearly have no idea when to stop reporting on a thankless topic. You are the lowest scum of the earth trying to get their name out but reports like this will get you nowhere. You sound like an illiterate piece of crap. You can’t even use correct grammar in a report…idiot.

  • Clay Payne
    February 17, 2015 at 9:33 am

    you have a website called turtle boy lol

    • Jack
      February 18, 2015 at 10:19 am

      Jesus grow up already. Accept defeat and fuck off.

    • JayC
      February 18, 2015 at 10:37 am

      Pretty funny. Tough talk to other kids moms on Twitter and on Turtleboy from a child named Clayton.

      Maybe your just jealous that Wooster OH doesn’t have a Turtleboy statue. Or, the children in Upper Arlington OH are thin skinned like Buffalo Bills fans, the Worcester Liberal Hippie Protesters, the Grafton Hill homey rappers, and residents of Spencer. Get in line tough taking kiddies of Upper Arlington lol.

  • alison
    February 17, 2015 at 8:15 am

    This just made my day! I hope she takes you up on your offer. I love reading your blogs….always makes me feel better when I’m homesick!! (Worcester girl living in Florida now….sorry about all your snow)

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