Editor’s Note: We are actively looking for new bloggers at Turtleboy Sports. This is one of them. Feel free to send us something if you’d like to contribute.
If you think you’ve got problems in Worcester or Springfield or Brockton or Lawrence, think again. You ain’t seen nothing like the mean streets of Holden, Rutland, Sterling, Princeton, and Paxton. That’s right, every week the Holden Landmark lists each and every call the police received, and shit gets pretty real, pretty quick. Here’s our Top 10 police calls for this week……
You might think this isn’t a big deal, but it is. First they start climbing trees. Then kids start using foul language. Then the whores come in. The next thing you know you’re Detroit.
An injured rabbit? Say it ain’t so. What if a coyote comes near them? How will he or she ever get away? No rabbit is ever allowed to die. Ever.
Kids climbing on stuff? In broad daylight? In a town with nothing to do? Why can’t they just sell drugs like normal kids?
Stop the fight!! Someone walking in the road? Better call the cops!! Sure, there’s no sidewalks on Marshall Street, and it’s probably just someone getting some exercise, but it could also be ISIS. You can never be too careful.
How’d you like to be the officer who got stuck with this call? Injured skunk. So like, what’s he supposed to do here? Give the skunk a bandaid and have them go on their way? What could possibly go wrong?
A solicitor? What is this world coming to? How dare they try to convince you to spruce up your garden. Better call 911.
Not one dog, but two!!! Insanity!! People in the middle of nowhere just let their dogs play in a field? No wonder property value is plummeting.
Kids these days!! You people in the hood only have to worry about gangs, shootings, prostitution, and drug dealing. You don’t understand the horror of kids with flashlights!!!
Talk about ghetto!! You can’t even walk down the streets anymore without getting attacked by a porcupine in this town. I’m sure the responding officer was very pleased to be tasked with finding this raccoon and removing the porcupine quills from its person.
I gotta try this one the next time I get pulled over for hightailing it through a yellow light or refusing to pull over for the police. Sorry officer, I didn’t understand what a traffic light or a police siren was until right now. Thank you for alerting me. Can you give me a ride to the police station so I can call my Mom to pick me up?
Anyway, if Turtleboy management agrees we can make this a weekly column. Thanks for having me.
We urge you to support the Turtleboy Sponsors by doing business with them. Without them none of this is possible. Click on any of them to check out their sites or Facebook pages.
Wormtown Brewery, Union Tavern, Bennie’s Cafe, JJM Insurance, Smokestack Urban Barbecue, Smitty’s Tavern, Julio’s Liquors, The Gun Parlor Range, Attorney Anthony Salerno, Rotti Power Equipment in West Boylston