Hoodrat Heroes

Holden Ratchet Mom Who Starts Fights With Kids And Ancestors Came Here On The Titanic, Goes Full Racist, Hires Attorney Dick N. Vulva For Lawsuit Vs. Turtleboy

Holden Ratchet Mom Who Starts Fights With Kids And Ancestors Came Here On The Titanic, Goes Full Racist, Hires Attorney Dick N. Vulva For Lawsuit Vs. Turtleboy

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Looks like Attorney Dick N. Vulva is about to pound Turtleboy with another stiff lawsuit from Celia Mcaulife – the Holden “mother” ex-con who starts fights with high school kids on Facebook.

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After she was the topic of our Facebook Live show on Friday night, Celia let loose on our Facebook page. She wanted to clear the air and set the record straight, and this is how she chose to do so.

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Well, there goes my appetite until Tuesday.

Some warned this ratchet mountaineer that it would be unwise to poke the turtle. She disagreed.

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Because people who know people who own the Pennywise, poke whoever they please.

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Then when Gupta Patel started chiming in, Celia went full racist.

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But it’s OK, because she’s totally not racist. Gupta and people like him are all just a bunch of “Habib names” whose families didn’t come over here on the Titanic.

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Yes, you read that correctly. Her ancestors migrated here on the most famous cruise shipwreck in world history. Fantastic. Guess that means her great grandfather was this guy:

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It was at this point where Celia began to talk about legal remedies:

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It was only a matter of time until several turtle riders directed her to the greatest Internet lawyer in American history:

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Game. Over.

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When Dick N. Vulva gets in there and starts going to work, Turtleboy can’t walk for days afterwards. The guy really knows how to give it to us!!

Then he told her who Turtleboy REALLY is:

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Ballgame!! The jig is up folks – Mike LaTauris is the primary writer for Turtleboy Sports. And you’ve all seen what happens when you stimulate him too much. When Mike LaTauris and Dick N. Vulva go head to head it’s quite the climax.

Now that she’s retained counsel, Celia is extremely confident when dealing with turtle riders. She knows she has the Dick N. Vulva card, and she’s not afraid to use it.

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And as she so confidently pointed out, everyone got REAL quiet once they found out who she was represented by:

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Check and mate!! Thank you Attorney Richard N. Vulva Esq!!

She also isn’t a fan of desk girl, because as usual desk girl changed the conversation when her daughter messaged and started rambling on about her latest gyno appointment:

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Finally Mike and Sandy LaTaurus had enough. They signed into the Turtleboy Sports Facebook page and BEGGED for mercy, for the sake of their children.

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But Dick N. Vulva doesn’t stop hammering away until his client is smiling and satisfied. All I know is, when the Dick N. Vulva lawsuit finally comes, there’s gonna be a huge load of trouble cumming right at Turtleboy!! Please, have mercy on us counselor!!

 

 

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33 Comment(s)
  • Phuc Ng
    March 13, 2017 at 10:39 am

    Attorney R.N. Vulva very powerful man. He do visa work too. He come for free massage and handy every Wednesday.

  • CLG
    March 12, 2017 at 11:16 pm

    So, guttermouth mommie lives in Holden? The place where a starter home costs $300k, really? I was unaware that Holden had a hoodrat enclave, but I suppose section 8 housing is likely available anywhere. The 17 year old daughter attends school in Northbridge? That’s a long commute, especially considering Wachusett Regional High School is literally in Holden, why doesn’t hoodrat junior attend there? I hope the Holden police are aware of this woman and the threats she made to minors. This is truly ratchet.

    • Mayor Marion Barry
      March 13, 2017 at 7:27 am

      You’re as dumb as she is white trash.

      Read the f’in story, moron.

  • SoCal legend
    March 12, 2017 at 10:24 pm

    I remember LaTauris when he was new and just out of grad school. He was a go-getter at the L.A. Times.

  • Ummmm ya
    March 12, 2017 at 9:50 pm

    It is sad to see that there is garbage like this in the city. No wonder why the Worcester area is seen as a joke. A city with so many good colleges and yet this dumpster fire chick is bitching. I see she has no class or education. I can just imagine the little dumpster fire she is raising. So it is ok to go calling someone all kinds of names on here with no credible reason why yet, now because everyone knows what kind of a douche this chick is, she is pissed and threatening to sue. First off,, a court would see you (and I say this loosely) an adult hitting a kid, or bitching because someone called you out. I’m sure you don’t work and I am probably a tax payer buying your cigarettes and 80’s perm. Keep it classy lady.

  • Troubled Nostrils
    March 12, 2017 at 9:30 pm

    Even my prudish wife is laughing at this edition of TBS! Well, OK, she’s not THAT prudish – she gives fantastic head, so I’m waiting for her to stop laughing so we can get on with it.

  • 1776
    March 12, 2017 at 8:52 pm

    I am truly amazed at how grown azz people don’t know what certain words mean. Can they really be that dumb?? Where did these people go to high school?

  • Herb Pease
    March 12, 2017 at 8:51 pm

    According to Connie Lingquist, Dick N. Vulva’s paralegal, Ms. McCauliffe has yet to formally hire Mr. Vulva. While he does not require a retainer, he does require a letter of engagement. We are waiting for her to come.

    Respectfully,

    Herb Pease
    Office Manager

    • LLC
      March 13, 2017 at 10:08 am

      BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Stu Pidazzo
    March 12, 2017 at 8:16 pm

    Thank you TB! Too fucking funny!

    Just noticed something in the Batman t-shirt picture…is that Officer BobnMic’s felt badge hanging on the wall? You dirty dog!

    • BobnMic
      March 13, 2017 at 7:26 am

      Stu…why you wanna ruin my side action opportunities? I’ve already tapped the mom, but I was just starting to lead into my game for getting in on some teenage pajama party action. If my wife sees this, she’ll divorce me for sure and this would certainly impact my investigation into Tredge’s cocaine lair too. So ixnay on the eltfay adgebay alktay, mmmkay?

      BobnMic
      Supreme Commander of the DEA

  • ElJefe72
    March 12, 2017 at 7:59 pm

    Dick N. Vulva never disappoints!

  • jack mehoffer
    March 12, 2017 at 7:51 pm

    Ive said it before and ill say it again! there’s something fishy about this Vulva!

  • 1Timothy
    March 12, 2017 at 6:45 pm

    I’ve known a few people who have done genealogy, and I wouldn’t screw with anyone who can trace their ancestry back to the Titanic, that is some crazy lineage.

  • Lida
    March 12, 2017 at 5:52 pm

    Are These people really that stupid? If someone harassed me and I had no clue about them , I would do some reading and research . Not blindly make my daughter and I the biggest laughing stocks of the great worcester area!!! This poor teenager is hopefully going ( I pray) to a college far,far away so that this shame DOES not follow her into her adult life. It’s really only her Moms fault for showing her the very worst of parental example .

    • UsualSuspect
      March 13, 2017 at 10:17 am

      ^^ College? Seriously?

  • Mass. DYS
    March 12, 2017 at 5:20 pm

    Time for removal, to a great foster home in Wellesley.

  • John Wick
    March 12, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    Ugh.. Celia what are you doing girl?!! You were always a nice girl in HS, quick witted too. What the hell happened??

  • Richard Head
    March 12, 2017 at 5:13 pm

    How stupid can these people get. I hope she send atty Vulva a retainer.

  • Another Mom With Some Advice
    March 12, 2017 at 5:10 pm

    Celia, if you are reading this, contact Richard Hurtz from Holden. He’s been jerked around by turtleboy so much it’s painful.

    • Dick Hertz from Holden
      March 12, 2017 at 6:58 pm

      Hey I resemble that remark

  • Lmao
    March 12, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    My IQ just dropped to a -120 from reading this article. People like her need to go back to 2nd grade.

    • Lola Bunny
      March 12, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      It’s so incredible! I just want to troll her by correcting all her spelling mistakes. It would be a full time job though. She is a train wreck.

    • Heywood Jablome
      March 12, 2017 at 11:32 pm

      Don’t forget sterilization

  • Yimmy
    March 12, 2017 at 5:06 pm

    This girl just won’t go away. The best thing she could do for herself is just go away.

  • Mike Hawk
    March 12, 2017 at 4:51 pm

    Pennywise enemy was …. The Turtle!

  • Wtf
    March 12, 2017 at 4:46 pm

    Hmmmm. Any relation to Cassandra macauliffe ? Worcester – hit old lady and child?? I see a pattern here. Just saying.

  • Joe
    March 12, 2017 at 4:39 pm

    Good one, Gupta! Attorney Vulva, it almost sounds made up?

  • Livesinlowell
    March 12, 2017 at 4:35 pm

    Lmao. Turtleboysports pleased don’t ever change. Well deserved Pure gold trolling.

  • WHATEVUH
    March 12, 2017 at 4:19 pm

    Celia dear, please come to the Blue Plate Bar in Holden, with your daughter, any night between 6-9pm ask for Mike Hawk He can help you . . . . more than you know

    • Heywood Jablome
      March 12, 2017 at 11:31 pm

      Didn’t Mike Hunt used to work there?

    • Local real local
      December 19, 2017 at 9:07 pm

      McAuliffe shut the fuck up. You are infecting the air we are breathing. You are a waste of human flesh. For you to stand there and defend your daughters conduct and applaud the fact she willfully and intentionally hurt another person, makes you lower than the shit that comes out of my dog.

      Sue? Sue a newspaper? I’m shocked you are a single mother, because clearly you are a catch for some guy. I should say you are a child support whore trap. Once you touch it, you pay for it.

      Do society a favor, go back to Ireland. you are embarrassing the rest of the good Irish people here in America.

  • ImNewHere
    March 12, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    Never gets old.

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