All-Star Criminals

Honey Ham Hefalump Runs Over Guy, Leaves Him In Road, Completes Shift At Dunkins, Stoughton Queef Patrol Defends Her Honor Despite Previous GoFundMe After Last “Accident”

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Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WCVBA woman was arrested in connection with a hit-and-run crash that injured a pedestrian in Stoughton on Wednesday. Police said a 40-year-old Stoughton man was struck in the crosswalk at the intersection of Washington and School streets on Route 138 at 7:30 p.m. The victim sustained serious, non-life-threatening injuries and was flown to a Boston hospital, according to police. He has been released from the hospital. Officers determined the vehicle involved was most likely a Nissan Sentra based on a parts number on a mirror found at the scene. An officer ran a search on all white Nissan Sentras in the town of Stoughton, police said. One was found registered to a woman at a Morton Street home that is a short distance from the crash site, police said.

“Officer Camara went to that home and noticed a white Nissan Sentra that had damage to the windshield, a missing passenger side mirror and dents to the passenger side bumper, hood and fender. All of this damage is consistent with a pedestrian crash,” police said.

Court paperwork says after striking Conrad, Perdigao went to her job at Dunkin Donuts before returning home. Marlene Perdigao, 23, of Stoughton, was identified to be the driver of the Nissan, police said. During a police interview, Perdigao tried to mislead investigators and was ultimately charged with; leaving the scene of an accident with personal injury, knowingly misleading police and failure to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk, officials said.

Who wore it better?

This is what happens when you name your kid Marlene. They grow up and install a door knocker on their nose and run people over in their Nissan Sentras.

According to some commenters on The Stoughton News, the victim has a young child at home and his wife recently died, so this makes her double the douche.

Awful. If there’s a way we can help feel free to reach out.

In the meantime I figured condemning this honey ham hefalump was something we all could agree on. Ya know, because she hit a human being, left his lifeless body in the road, and then drove to Dunkins where she completed her shift like it was no big deal.

But according to these twatwaffles, you can’t be mean to terrible people.

“This is someone’s daughter.”

Yea, and? Because she emerged from someone’s birth canal we have to say nice things about her after she hit a guy and left the scene of the crime? You can go ride ahead and fuck off with that jive.

It’s mean because we’re making fun of this champagne fupanova? Boo. Fucking. Hoo. Don’t wanna be made fun of? Don’t run people down with your car and leave them on the side of the road. And yes, we will make fun of what you look like, not because we normally make fun of people’s physical appearance, but because you deserve to have your feelings hurt for doing such a heinous thing. Trust me, the guy you hit is hurting a loss worse than she will be if she reads these comments.

Then there was this fuck boi.

He had a lot of classic ratchet defense, including, “You don’t know her.”

Oh, I know what her mentality was on that day. “I just hit that dude, but I’m late for work, so fuck him. YOLO!”

Loved this: “You have no right to make judgement without all the facts.”

Newslfash shitstain, I have all the facts I need to know – she ran him over, left him there, and completed her shift at work. I have every right to judge her, and judge I will.

But it’s OK because she “has an issue that affects her thinking and rationality.”

Listen chud ripper, the only thing more embarrassing than getting friendzoned is getting friendzoned by Crackmuppet Miss Piggy.

He wasn’t done defending her honor…..

“You have no right to classify someone as disgusting.”

I didn’t classify her as disgusting, Darwin did.

There was so many of them too.

I had no idea the word police had taken over the town of Stoughton.

Luckily there were turtle riders there. You can tell you’re speaking to a turtle rider when you’re making excuses for shitty behavior and you get countered with facts, logic, and reason.

Good point Tommy Boy. We can’t judge people by an individual action. You can literally kill a person, but as long as you don’t do it again people on the local community Facebook group can’t say mean things about you.

And then the speech police showed up to demand that mean things not be allowed on the Internet.

Because SHE doesn’t like to look at them. And instead of just blocking people she finds unpleasant, she’s demanding that no one be allowed to say things she doesn’t approve of. Particularly mean things about criminals.

Although this one might be the dumbest of them all.

“I feel bad for the driver.”

Yup, the driver was the victim here. The guy in the hospital is at fault for using a crosswalk and assuming drivers would abide by the law.

This is the honey ham hefalump’s Facebook bio before she took her page down.

Bad news for Brian – she’s interested in men.

“I hate the police.”

Feel stupid for defending her yet? Because you should. It takes a very, very special kind of stupid to defend a grundle goblin like this.

But wait, it gets better. Just a few months ago she started a GoFundMe, and you’ll never guess what for.

Yup. She got injured in a car accident. Luckily the person and/or inanimate object she made contact with didn’t leave her to die on the side of the road. Gotta love how she wasn’t asking for a Honda Accord OR a Moped, she was asking for both. Oh, and this is something that insurance exists for, but she still wants you to give her $4,800 anyway.

She did take the GFM at some point today because it’s no longer active. Guess she realized how truly terrible and ironic this was.

When people say that Turtleboy is mean, this is the kind of blog they point to. But guess what? We don’t give a shit. If making fun of disgusting criminals like this, who leave single dads to die on the side of the road, makes us bad people, then I don’t wanna be good. But of course it doesn’t make us bad people, it makes us deliverers of the truth. And the truth does not care about your meaningless, pathetic feelings. The real assholes are the people who enable this kind of behavior by letting these cretins think that you should get a shaming mulligan for nearly killing someone. Get bent.

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24 Comment(s)
  • Bitch is smiling in her mug shot
    January 29, 2019 at 10:11 am

    Yeah she feels real bad for fucks sake she’s smiling in her mug shot. Last kid to smile in front of someone summoned an internet mob and received death threats. Oh wait I forgot he did nothing wrong and was wearing a MAGA Hat Libtards be triggered by a fucking hat.

  • Mr. Nuttasit Keawcham
    January 26, 2019 at 8:28 pm

    She’s so fat she sells shade…

  • Stu Meat
    January 26, 2019 at 7:46 pm

    What’s she got on her chin? I mean the third one down.

  • Don't be a rode-cone
    January 26, 2019 at 3:49 pm

    This is why you can’t jog, walk, walk a dog, push a stroller, bicycle or ride a motorcycle on the roads. We have to have bike trails for most of those things bc people are playing with their phones and don’t give a fuck what they hit. Your body is just another road cone to them.

    In Worcester people will slow walk across 4 lane of 45 mph traffic with no crosswalk or light, they don’t care and the drivers don’t care if your in the cross walk with pedestrian crossing activated. Roads in ratchet enclaves are killing zones, even the sidewalks aren’t safe.

    Pedestrian got between a fatty and doughnuts, case solved.

  • Common Sense
    January 26, 2019 at 3:40 pm

    No… it actually never occurred to me that she could have SUCH an “issue” that affects her  “thinking and rationality” that is so serious it would justify running down another human being and leaving them on the side of the road. 

    In all seriousness… If this “issue” is so severe maybe she shouldn’t be operating a motor vehicle! Just a thought… pretty scary

  • Common Sense
    January 26, 2019 at 3:38 pm

    No… it actually never occurred to me that she could have SUCH an “issue” that affects her  “thinking and rationality” that is so serious it would justify running down another human being and leaving them on the side of the road. 

    If this “issue” is so severe maybe she shouldn’t be operating a motor vehicle! Just a thought… pretty scary

  • Micheal Scarn
    January 26, 2019 at 1:00 pm

    Just as a heads up Jon Bonney is a Lt. in the Stoughton police department and the comments were posted under the arrest report on the Stoughton pd’s Facebook page, pretty sure he was just trying to reel it in a little.

  • Watch Your Step, Crazy Ratchet Bitch In Lane 2
    January 26, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    A mistake is a spelling error or spilling your milk. She mowed a guy down and left him die; around here that gets you two years of vacation courtesy of the taxpayers and three years of walking courtesy of hush puppies after the vacation. Fuck these scumbags and dunkin’ donuts shitty donuts too.

  • The angry taint
    January 26, 2019 at 11:54 am

    anyone defending this waste of skin should put their head in a steel door frame and repeatedly slam it shut until they see the folly of their thinking.

  • Dr. Phil
    January 26, 2019 at 10:27 am

    Want some advice sweetie?

    1) Gain some compassion for other people

    2) Can the nose jewelry. It just looks like a big snot hanging out of your nose

  • Ungawah
    January 26, 2019 at 9:49 am

    Brian’s being so sweet…only cause he wants a piece of that honey ham I bet he is on the courtroom the day of the hearing. Then He’s taking her home and boinking her. Better the a rope around your waist so she can yank you out like a tampon after buddy… Your going in deep!

  • Sick of these Ratchet Fucks
    January 26, 2019 at 9:45 am

    This is what happens when you out lipstick on a pig and give her a car. Not only does shoe look horrible, but she drives like shit! I’ll bet you a dozen of dunks finest, she gets off with probation and gets to keep her license for “employment purposes”. Again… This is why we need immigration reform.

  • z
    January 26, 2019 at 8:53 am

    I’d stay out of that Dunkin Donuts.
    She’s got boogers up her nose and has to pick around the metal with her fingers
    to get them out.

    Then she gets you a cup of coffee and bear claw(they still have those?).

  • Captain Trips
    January 26, 2019 at 8:15 am

    Fat ugly and immoral is no way to go thru life

  • Rusty Trumbone
    January 26, 2019 at 7:00 am

    Brianna Lewis had the same exact thing happen to her dad? In the words of Bob’s Furniture “i doubt it” Has anyone heard of this story? There is a dirty guff of a pelvic burrito waiting to be discovered. After all, becoming TB famous is an addiction amongst friends.

    • Disco Dean the dancing machine
      January 26, 2019 at 11:03 am

      Hey Rusty-

      The originator of the term “I doubt it” in furniture commercials was Dean from Dean’s home furniture, very popular in the 90’s. I honestly have no idea if that fucking asshole Bob says it in his commercials because i immediately mute the tv or change the channel when one of his commercials come on. I wish turtle boy would do an expose shaming that fucking asshole bob and the pieces of shit who buy his cheap, shitty furniture.

      • z
        January 26, 2019 at 9:21 pm

        Bob sold the business years ago and is just the mascot – spokesman now.
        Notice that is not even his voice many times in the claymation commercials.

        Know who owns it now?
        Bain Capital. Before that a British version of Bain.

        Know who is a managing director of Bain Capital these days? Not Mittens.
        Deval Patrick is.

        I never thought Bobs was screwing people over. You know what you are getting and paying accordingly. Cheap shit at a cheap price. Looks good for a couple of years before you put it on the
        tree belt.

  • Yuck
    January 26, 2019 at 6:53 am

    Ha! SHE is a moped (metaphorically)!

    • George Glass
      January 29, 2019 at 4:55 pm

  • Stunt Penis
    January 26, 2019 at 6:24 am

    Take away lesson: Never get between a fat woman and her donuts.

  • Liawatha
    January 25, 2019 at 11:59 pm

    Let me be clear… Ms Perdigao is truly the victim here. Bullied by internet trolls for an honest mistake. Bullied for being a woman. The careless “victim” is going to live. So at this point, what difference does it make?

    • EBT is a Disease
      January 26, 2019 at 12:23 am

      That’s actually how they think.

  • Brian Sousa’s Disappointed Family and Co-Workers
    January 25, 2019 at 11:11 pm

    We tried to understand when he would torture animals and start fires when he was a child, but sticking up for this fat sociopath is as embarrassing as when we had to take him to the ER with a gerbil stuck up his ass again !!

  • Stanley Steamer
    January 25, 2019 at 10:41 pm

    I bet the police hate her too. She must have left a stain and a stink on the chair she was sitting on during the interview.

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