All-Star Criminals

Honey Roasted Hennessy Hoodbooger Breaks Into WXLO Radio Studios Via Ceiling Panels, Runs When Alarm Goes Off, Forgets Wallet In Ceiling

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Last weekend the WXLO/Nash Icon/100.1 The Pike studios were broken into by possibly the world’s dumbest criminal. Watch and observe what he did, and see if you can pick up how the cops caught him:

First of all, is this a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat?

Sure looks like it. I can smell those things from a mile away. And if it is, that explains a lot.

Let’s go to the play by play.

First, before a crime, every good criminal goes in for a pre-B&E dump:

Seeing that there is a locked door in his way, this honey roasted Hennessy hoodbooger decides he’s going to do something that he’s likely done many, many times before – enter through the drop ceiling panels.

Of course at that point he realized he was not 12 feet tall, so he had to go and find a ladder, which of course was conveniently left for him right around the corner.

His entrance looked like God had just gotten Moe’s, and was firing out a couple nuggets onto the couch.

Of course he wore his finest Champion shirt and Maurice the Pantsman brand sweatpants for the occasion.

It took all of about 45 seconds before the alarm went off and he ran for the hills without absolutely nothing to show for all his work:

He literally ran right by a computer. I can’t imagine what the hell else numbnuts would want to break into a radio station for. It’s not a bank. Or a place that would have a cash register. Or has any money in it. This isn’t even where they broadcast from. It’s just filled with desks and broken dreams.

Luckily he did remember his hat. However, he forget one kind of important item that the cops found rather quickly….

That would be his wallet. Which the popo obviously had a good laugh over.

Their job just became a lot easier.

It’s gonna be hard to get into Sweaty Betty’s without his ID. Luckily El Coqui liquors is still in business, so he should be able to buy booze.

His name is Dequan Sheldon-Bethea, and of course he lives less than a mile from the station. Shockingly he lacks any Google trophies, so this might be his cherry popping arrest. I guess he usually takes his wallet with him on break-ins.

Anyway, the real tragedy here is that we can’t find our boy Dequan on Facebook. According to Google he’s 25, so he might be part of the Instasmash generation. Let us know if he’s got a page though. Could be a fun followup.

11 Comment(s)
  • Liz
    September 19, 2018 at 11:43 am

    He works in the building across the street from there, red brick building with the honey dew donuts on the corner.

  • Nature Fact
    September 15, 2018 at 6:23 pm

    The reason why the police follow around people named Dequan is because they’re going to steal something soon or later, and they’re never disappointed.

  • Henry Fool
    September 15, 2018 at 8:52 am

    He looks a little bit like Columbus… forced into a life of crime by Somerville’s mayor.

  • SMH
    September 14, 2018 at 7:26 pm

    Not just a hyphenated name, but a fake African first name.

  • Bam
    September 14, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    This makes no sense on any level.  I think this is a bad take.  Wallet was PLANTED!  

  • dumbass
    September 14, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    never go full retard and bring your wallet to a burglary

  • ncfoothillbilly
    September 14, 2018 at 5:34 pm

    Duh crackaz tricknologies be stumpin’ a Wakanda warrior….sheeit.

  • Judge dread
    September 14, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    Of course he’s a hyphenate. Did he really think a drop ceiling could support his weight? He’s the ideal convict to dig ditches with the chain gang or turn big rocks into small rocks in the state prison. Either way, 75 iq is perfect for these occupations.

  • Milodog
    September 14, 2018 at 5:10 pm

    He can’t get into Sweaty Betty’s, but he can vote. That’s comforting. 

  • Shaniqua Brown
    September 14, 2018 at 5:05 pm

    Dequan am a frend an him an hiz frendz waz gonna meet up wit my Fam poosidez if I getz a room from da Beamont for short dollaz

  • Maggie the Cat
    September 14, 2018 at 5:00 pm

    This guy deserves the “Loser of the Year” trophy.

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