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Last weekend the WXLO/Nash Icon/100.1 The Pike studios were broken into by possibly the world’s dumbest criminal. Watch and observe what he did, and see if you can pick up how the cops caught him:
First of all, is this a flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat?
Sure looks like it. I can smell those things from a mile away. And if it is, that explains a lot.
Let’s go to the play by play.
First, before a crime, every good criminal goes in for a pre-B&E dump:
Seeing that there is a locked door in his way, this honey roasted Hennessy hoodbooger decides he’s going to do something that he’s likely done many, many times before – enter through the drop ceiling panels.
Of course at that point he realized he was not 12 feet tall, so he had to go and find a ladder, which of course was conveniently left for him right around the corner.
His entrance looked like God had just gotten Moe’s, and was firing out a couple nuggets onto the couch.
Of course he wore his finest Champion shirt and Maurice the Pantsman brand sweatpants for the occasion.
It took all of about 45 seconds before the alarm went off and he ran for the hills without absolutely nothing to show for all his work:
He literally ran right by a computer. I can’t imagine what the hell else numbnuts would want to break into a radio station for. It’s not a bank. Or a place that would have a cash register. Or has any money in it. This isn’t even where they broadcast from. It’s just filled with desks and broken dreams.
Luckily he did remember his hat. However, he forget one kind of important item that the cops found rather quickly….
That would be his wallet. Which the popo obviously had a good laugh over.
Their job just became a lot easier.
It’s gonna be hard to get into Sweaty Betty’s without his ID. Luckily El Coqui liquors is still in business, so he should be able to buy booze.
His name is Dequan Sheldon-Bethea, and of course he lives less than a mile from the station. Shockingly he lacks any Google trophies, so this might be his cherry popping arrest. I guess he usually takes his wallet with him on break-ins.
Anyway, the real tragedy here is that we can’t find our boy Dequan on Facebook. According to Google he’s 25, so he might be part of the Instasmash generation. Let us know if he’s got a page though. Could be a fun followup.