This is Anna LaMarche of Lowell:
Lowell is basically a ratchet tryout to see who is worthy of moving to Lawrence. Once you’ve mastered the art of getting pregnant, selling food stamps for crack, and blaming all your problems on the police, you call up your cousin and move into a section 8 apartment right up the Merrimack River.
That’s apparently what Anna is trying to do with this post about a recent interaction she had with the Lowell PD:
Uhoh!!! Sounds serious. I’m sure her criticism is legitimate. After all, cops are there to “protective and serve” us. But all they be doing is “protective and serve each other.” I’m sure this 19 year old fupaschlong was about to some laundry when the cops bust into the crib for no reason at all, he was cooperative and respectful, and they still beat him regardless.
Safe to say the Lowell PD is shaking in their boots now that she whipped out the iPhone and exposed these very damaging photographs!!
Especially when they find out who her favorite sportball team is:
The fact that she owns a skin-tight Chicago Bulls cocktail dress is the least surprising news ever. What ghettoroid doesn’t have one of those hanging in her closet next to a pile of crumpled up piles of “RIP (insert 24 year old with chinstrap who got shot by a rival gang member here)” t-shirts? She might not own a flat brimmed cap, but she’s definitely allowed many a chudstuffer wearing one to bury his clam hammer inside her baby cannon.
The commentary on her post was everything you dreamed it would be and more. There was your standard “fuck the police,” from the “I wear pajama pants to court” mafia:
Oh yea, these are some winners right here. “Put this shit viral.” That’s a sentence that makes sense. Yo dog, hit that viral button!! Then them cops be realizing how stupid they is!! I know I often seek the approval of people like Chuck Hallock:
And if you need Chuck’s help just give him a buzz. He’ll be the one following around the ice cream truck to see which kids have to walk the long way home.
Then there was the real hardos – the “kill police” crew:
Every time you watch a viral video of police brutality, just understand that this is the mentality of the people they deal with every single day. He’s openly posting about killing cops with guns and bombs. Using them as “target practice.” The only thing worse than this piece of human garbage is his stylist:
A gray ponytail, a bootleg chain his cousin bought for him on Canal Street, and a see-through striped shirt revealing a wife beater, and the token bottle of Hennessy. Oh yea, this guy enjoys the finer things in life. Carlos is probably about 38 years old, which makes him close to 80 in Lowell years.
He was far from the only one openly plotting to kill Lowell Police:
That face you make when a cop banged all of your ex-girlfriend’s:
Oh, and Kenny has apparently reproduced. Which is great news, because I’m sure he’s an awesome Dad whose children will inevitably know him only as “Kenny.”
Luis Santiago thinks “nikkas in blue need wings on they back.” That’s hoodrat for, “they need to die, but I’m so much of a pussy that I’m just gonna post about it on Facebook and not actually do anything. Also I love it in the poopshoot.”
Don’t worry Luis, someday a woman will allow you to come play inside her tampon tunnel. But you’ll have to pay for it, and they don’t accept food stamps, so you might wanna start a GoFundMe or something.
Birdy Velow says he’s gonna “fight back”
He thinks all cops are crooks who “fuck with you for no reason”:
Shockingly he’s also a fan of Henny:
AKA Indochina Hennessy.
Watch out though Lowell PD – dude might be Vietcong:
Just kidding. He’s from Lowell, so he’s probably Cambodian, not Vietnamese.
Even some of the chicks were getting in on it:
Oh yea, and she’s a mother of three. Shocking since she markets her booty like it’s a HIV drop off zone:
I’m sure she gets no help from the state though and her children are being raised to be respectful, well-rounded adults.
Shane Perry suggested that he was going to find out where Lowell PD goes out to bars so he could “bang em out” and/or “put the hammer on them”:
This is why residency requirements for cops is a HORRIBLE idea. Because these assholes think cops are fair game when they’re out and about with their families and not in uniform. Watch out Lowell PD – this guy’s combing every bar in Dracut looking for your ass:
Oh, and he reproduced, so obviously tracking down cops at bars is his priority right now. That and “coppin” a baby pair of uggz:
Then there’s this guy:
As you can tell by the hat in the background, he’s got a Master’s Degree in Ratchetology. He’s not gonna shoot cops with a real gun, but he is gonna confess to shooting them with paintball guns on Facebook:
It’s cool though, because he once saved France from the terrorists:
Then there’s Brian McKeon:
Ballah!! Looks like someone isn’t gonna be wearing Champion brand clothing for much longer!!
Brian is Top 5 hardos in the Mill City. Sure, he’s gotten fucked up by the cops before, but everyone who was there knows that he “put in work” and knocked one of the pigs out first:
Oh yea, he’s a gangsta. That’s why he’s been arrested for such bad ass crimes as breaking and entering into parked cars. And naturally there’s this:
It’s pretty much a given that if you have anything Chicago Bulls related on your Facebook page, you’re eventually gonna end up on Turtleboy.
He also loves a good bromance that ends with a finger in the bunghole:
Don’t worry though Brian, your secret is safe with me!!
Next is Gary St. Hilaire. A man who just oozes sex appeal:
And this Mickey Ward with titties shockingly has a beef with the Lowell PD:
Often we joke that these people are mad that their ex-girlfriend banged a cop. This chucklefucker just comes out and says it. Naturally he was framed by the very same cops who were getting brains from his ride or die bitch. Oh wait, according to the Lowell Sun Gary St. Hilaire was actually arrested for threatening to kill his girlfriend with a gun, and was previously indicted by the state for collecting $42,000 in unemployment while making over $100K in unreported income:
Police said St. Hilaire is accused of threatening to kill his girlfriend as he held a handgun at his side. St. Hilaire was indicted in November after Attorney General Martha Coakley’s Office accused him of collecting about $42,000 in unemployment benefits between January 2007 and May 2009. Coakley alleged that St. Hilaire made more than $120,000 working for a lawn-care company while collecting unemployment. St. Hilaire pleaded not guilty to 70 counts of unemployment fraud and three counts of larceny at his arraignment in December.
Free muh boi!!
The person being arrested has been ordered to be freed by the free my boi Lowell chapter:
Does Anthony Barriel-Pagan look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t comply with police orders?
Mr. steal yo girl is rocking the rare neckbeard-Jerry curl combo, and looks like the before actor in a Noxzema commercial. A look like that screams “dindu nuffin.”
Obviously he was raised right, as can be seen from the commentary emanating from his mother, Lisa Almonte:
Of course this 19 year old manatee has children who were forced to witness their gravy dumpster dad resisting arrest. Perfectly normal way to be brought up. And Lisa Almonte is your average Lowell grandmother:
Late 30’s, with many duckface and bathroom selfies, who regularly uses hashtags to “free” her criminal son.
Naturally she only lets men inside her stench trench if they’re rocking the headware of champions:
Anyway, things are getting pretty serious, because apparently Anna LaMarche has a bombshell video she’s just waiting to drop on Facebook. She just has to show her mother the video first:
And since her mother is probably 52, she is Lowell’s oldest resident.
Stay tuned because she “wants to do a protest”:
Oh good, she has a child that has had negative interactions with the police too. That’s just great! I’m guessing her protest will go about as well as her luck with men:
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