Smiles And Sunshine

I Am Turtleboy Round 2 Featuring I Am Turtleboy T-Shirts

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The Turtleboy Sports Revolution is quickly taking over the media. It hasn’t been easy though. We’ve survived Buffalo-gate, taken shots from Clive McFarlane and Old Balls, and made it through the Coming Together Circlejerk Boycott.

As you know there is no individual “Turtleboy.” Dozens of people have written blogs for Turtleboy Sports under that nom de plume. Because of course Turtleboy is not a person, it is a symbol. Turtleboy stands for freedom and common sense. He stands for justice, police, firefighters, teachers, and other groups who are being bullied by hippies and administrators.

We’ve seen countless fake accounts pretending to be Turtleboy in a failed attempt to take us down. We’ve survived harassment campaigns from RBG and Old Man Gordon Davis. We’ve raised money for countless charities, saved the Chandler Magnet ballfields, and forced the city council to do the right thing on numerous occasions.

So we’re celebrating this victory by releasing our new “I Am Turtleboy” t-shirts to the public:




The shirts are $15 each. We have some children’s sizes (S, M, L), and adult sizes from small to 3XL. You can pay by check or PayPal. Preferably PayPal. If you don’t have a PayPal account then you might as well rename yourself Carlo Baldino or else get with the 21st century. We are in the process of setting up an ECommerce site, but it’s not quite there yet.

These particular shirts are limited edition. the next batch will NOT have “Don’t be a Dooshnozzle” on the back. Also, the kids shirts do NOT have “Don’t be a Dooshnozzle” on the back either, so they are school-friendly. What better way for your kids to support their teachers than by wearing one of these bad boys to school.

Here’s how you get em. Message us on Facebook or email us at Let us know how many you need, what sizes, and the address to ship them to. It’s a first come, first serve situation. We’ll probably sell out of these pretty quickly, but we’ll have more soon after that.

The reason we’re selling these of course is that Clive McFarlane and the rest of the butthurt hippie losers are obsessed with the identity of “Turtleboy.” But if you ride the turtle while you’re taking your morning smash or making copies or riding the WRTA, then I got news for you – You Are Turtleboy. Because Turtleboy is a state of mind. It’s the voice of the people. And when all these dooshnozzles come after Turtleboy they’re coming after YOU. We’ve seen them time and time again try to shame people who read Turtleboy. But you have not given in to the relentless bullying. Let them know that you stand with freedom by buying a shirt.

On that note, here is Round 2 of I am Turtleboy (we’ve included some of the pics from Round 1 as well), starting with the animals:

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What the fuck?





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Ninja Turtles






more turtles




Random Turtleness

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Clive Turtleboy’s





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Junior smokeshow Mrs. Turtleboy’s



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Parade Day Turtleboy’s


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Prenatal Turtleboy



Halloween Turtleboy’s

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Local boob Turtleboy’s

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Turtleboy Jr’s and Turtle Princesses


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Stop the fight!!! You kids win everything!!





Turtleboy Pilgrims

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And last but not least Grandma and Grandpa Turtleboy


I fucking love you people. Never stop being awesome. Never stop being the greatest readership in the history of the Internet. We. Are. Turtleboy.

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12 Comment(s)
  • JoeMomma
    May 1, 2015 at 11:11 am

    Thumbs up for all you boxer parents out there. Great dogs, miss mine every day.

  • Yes
    April 1, 2015 at 1:56 pm

    My goodness, look at all that white trash in those photos!

  • Egg McMullin
    March 31, 2015 at 10:19 pm

    You can lie to us but never to yourself. There may be “dozens” of Turtleboys now, but we all know who the original is and the one whose vial and repulsive actions found him in receipt of the public shaming he deserves.

    • March 31, 2015 at 10:39 pm

      Where did Turtleboy touch you?

    • RJ
      April 1, 2015 at 6:54 am

      Vial actions? Sounds kinky

      • Wabbitt
        April 1, 2015 at 12:09 pm

        Has TB been engaged in alchemical research? Is he turning iron into gold? All that vial research!

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      April 1, 2015 at 7:48 am

      Hey Egg McMoron – public shaming? Seems TB is doing better than ever so if anything, it brought more readers to the world of TB!!!

    • StickinToMyOpinion
      April 1, 2015 at 10:53 am

      Are you Mrs. Old Balls?

  • Shannon
    March 31, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    Prenatal turtle boy…. Is here and is actually turtle girl. 🙂

    • March 31, 2015 at 10:39 pm

      It’s a Turtleboy miracle!! Congratulations!!

      • BobnMic
        April 1, 2015 at 8:39 am

        Congratulations Shannon! All the turtleboy kids are so effin’ cute I can’t bring myself to do potty mouth in describing them!

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