Bone Ride

I’d Rather Kill Myself Then Go Back To The Big E Because It Is The Worst Place On Earth And These Pictures Prove It

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Mrs. Turtleboy dragged me down to the Big E a couple years ago and we documented it for the world to see. I promised I’d never go there again and after seeing this post from the Springfield Police Department today, I feel 1,000% validated:

Look at all these morons lined up to go to the worst place on earth:





Sucks to be them. Let’s look at what we missed this year….

A grown man pretending to be Santa’s mailman:


Guys doing live infomercials for frying pans:


Hat salesmen hiding behind a wall of unsold hats


Freaky mutant vegetables



Chariot competitions in front of sold out arenas of wild fans



Fake cows you can milk


Horse and buggies made of better


Gigantic pumpkins


Fried dough


Fried dough with deep fried Oreo’s


Fried dough with bacon


Huge tents full of people trying to sell you shit you don’t want


Such as “wonder knifes”


Hot tubs you can put in the trunk of your Prius


Depressed kangaroos


Lactating pigs


Wild animals like dogs


Eggs hatching into chickens


Tractors to stare at


Strange men who showed up to the Big E dressed as a princess


Cow hats


Long lines behind fat bastards in Seahawks jerseys


Huge crowds of people waiting to see…….something that must be important


Other crowds wandering around like zombies looking for more fried dough to eat




Guys handing out informational brochures in the State houses


Syrup for sale in the Maine house


Vermont meatsticks


Attendance figures from previous Big E’s


Some people take the bus in from the middle of nowhere. And they get a little excited when they get closer. Just for the record, the Big E is not in Worcester:


No word if there’s any mops left over from last year


The demonstrations are pretty wild and they go pretty fast


No word if the cow judging contest was back for the 100th anniversary, but we all remember who got 8th place back in the 90’s


Anyway, the Big E is the worst place on earth. I stand by that. I have no idea why millions of people flock to this place and pay $15 for the right to walk around and have people offer to sell you a bunch of stuff you don’t want. But they do, and it is fantastic people watching. Should we go back next weekend? Could be interesting.


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14 Comment(s)
  • Publius
    September 27, 2016 at 10:58 am

    Funny post. But at end of day if you don’t like the Big E you don’t go. same for King King Richards Faire, unless your a kid just an expensive waste of time.

  • dave
    September 26, 2016 at 9:08 pm

    Hell of a lot more interesting people at King Richard’s Fair.

    • FiestyLawyerLady
      September 26, 2016 at 9:20 pm

      That’s crazy. I was gone for the weekend in that area and I waited a long time in traffic to pass by that location. I looked it up since I read the sign and was interested. It actually seems pretty cool lol….. It better be decent, it was pricey in my opinion. Maybe next year.

      • BobnMic
        September 27, 2016 at 12:55 am

        Fuck off asshole. Haven’t you caused enough trouble in here in just this last 5 months? You single-handedly ruined this blog’s comments. All the fun people vanished. Really nice job you fucking loser. Go take a pill you fucking druggie and leave here while we still have something left…

  • Tudor turtle
    September 26, 2016 at 11:01 am

    The kangaroo in the cage says “fuck the big e, go to king Richards faire instead.”

  • LOL
    September 26, 2016 at 10:23 am

    Everyone says its great for people watching. Here’s a tip: go to Wal mart. There’s less traffic and you can see the same flannel shirt wearing burn outs.

    • Wal-Mart Customer Service
      September 26, 2016 at 10:25 am

      Lots of bellies hanging over and tons of plumber crack too.

  • Abby
    September 26, 2016 at 9:30 am

    Come on TB, make your wife happy. Think of all the points youd earn taking her!

  • Rational person
    September 26, 2016 at 8:59 am

    Thank you for reminding me why I stopped going to the Big E. The big yellow slide just isn’t worth it anymore.

  • Skeeter
    September 26, 2016 at 8:51 am

    I always wanted to go there since I was a kid. I finally ended up going back in 2014. I was so disillusioned. Boring as fuck. I couldn’t wait to get out of there. It was way too crowded. I’ll never go again.

    $100 bucks says there was some a-hole trying to get people to sign up for DirecTV. Another $100 says there was another one trying to sell windows.

  • Brendan Rys
    September 26, 2016 at 8:07 am

    I love you, TB, but I hate your contempt for the Big E! I’ve been going every year since I was just a little turtle-rider, and look forward to it every year for the food, beer, concerts, shows, and people watching!

  • Bill P.
    September 26, 2016 at 6:48 am

    Went there about 6 years ago. A colossal waste of time, and money. I actually felt sick that I’d gone.

  • Mediocrity
    September 26, 2016 at 6:13 am

    We went Saturday. Left early and no traffic delays (except for accident on Pike). Great parking spot. Leaving was a breeze. Had some amazing food. Other than food, our only purchase was a Swiss flag. It’s fun to people watch, tho.

  • Shackleford
    September 25, 2016 at 11:28 pm

    I love when you review places and events with pictures and one liners, one of my favorite blogs. Makes me feel upper class.

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