All-Star Criminals

If You Know Who This Beer Bandit Is Stealing 5 Cases Of Bud Light At Once From An Arlington Liquor Store Don’t Call The Cops Because He’s An American Hero

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Fox 13Police are looking for a beer baron who stole several cases of beer from a convenience store. Arlington PD tweeted pictures Wednesday of the man who stole five cases of Bud Light from a store in the 5000 block of Little School Road. Police say the suspect got away in a gray Dodge truck. Anyone who recognizes him is urged to call Det. Thompson at 817-459-6054. 

Oh snap, I know who that is…..

So that’s what Warren Sapp is up to these days!!

This is why we need a Texas Turtleboy. It’s like New England with more guns, beer, and freedom. If we had a Texas following we’d have this guy’s name in 2.2 seconds. How bout it Texan turtle riders – I know there’s some of you out there. Anyone recognize this guy? Long shot, but would be epic to get him on the Live show. I don’t even wanna tell the cops, I just wanna shake his hand. Not even mad, that’s impressive. Guy is probably fun as shit to hang out with too. I’d like to play the Devil’s Triangle with him. The fact that he’s drinking Bud Light and not Hennessy tells me he’s probably not that bad a guy either.

Here’s my question, how the hell does someone by themselves get away with five cases of beer in one haul? You realize how heavy that is? Cops should probably start with the Cowboys roster. After all, they regularly harbor criminals simply because they can run and lift shit.

Free muh boi!!

14 Comment(s)
  • Bud Light
    October 19, 2018 at 5:28 am

    Looting without a riot, how civilized.

  • Highlife
    October 18, 2018 at 11:35 pm

    I’d like to see him try that with bud heavy.

  • Little Joe
    October 18, 2018 at 11:03 pm

    That ain’t me!

  • Mr. Nuttasit Keawcham
    October 18, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    Approximately 87 lbs for 6 18ers.

  • Reality is Racist
    October 18, 2018 at 8:25 pm

    This story disgusts me, it is so racist to depict black men as criminals, what about all the white beer thieves, rapists and murderers??????

  • Sivil rites and shit muh dick mutha fuckha
    October 18, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    Black is Black

  • CE
    October 18, 2018 at 7:52 pm

    Actually it looks like it were 6 “cases”. They aren’t cases you fucking reject, they are 18 packs. Case is 24. I haven’t read barstool but if you lifted it from barstool then that is weak. Has Shell Shocker actually drank an 18 pack of any beer before? If not then you should not be allowed to write this blog.

  • Sir Wilfred Death
    October 18, 2018 at 5:13 pm

    Sad to say but this was a direct lift. Not a firing offense but a serious punishment is called for. Shell Shocker has to spend a weekend at the Uxbridge Gypsy Church. Followed by 4 days working as Maude’s PA.

    Redemption ain’t easy.

  • warpedhead
    October 18, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    My Hero !!

  • #unorignal
    October 18, 2018 at 1:54 pm

    Hey Shell Shocker…..ADMIT you grabbed this story AND the Warren Sapp reference from Barstool!!!

    Fucking HACK!

    • tbsowned
      October 18, 2018 at 4:12 pm

      TBS. Owned, once again. Time to give up gents?

      • Upside Down Greased Barstool Seats 4 At A Time
        October 18, 2018 at 4:53 pm

        Look at you ass pimples stalking this page like an ex-boyfriend who got his ass kicked by his bitch’s new guy. You’ve got your Prius parked outside our house beating off right now, aint’cha?

        • Y
          October 18, 2018 at 5:38 pm

          Such a Brett Killoran thing to say, regardless if I agree (with Brett).

        • this is racist
          October 18, 2018 at 6:02 pm

          I was jerking off anyways, my stroking had nothing to do with this story. Prius is a feminine car it makes me horny. A big hybrid vagina for jacking off inside, the interior wasn’t originally white but it is now. That’s not dust you’re inhaling it’s dried sperms, my DNA is now in your blood stream. It is stupid for TBS to run a Texas story of petty theft, makes him look jelly of the other site.

          Who the fuck takes a chance of getting locked up to steal Bud Light, nobody over age 16 or in this case a proud African American man and a person of color POC/POS. Too bad it wasn’t North Hampton Mass. He could claim he was just eating his lunch in a public area and minding his own bidness and shit.

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