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The thing most of you have figured out by now is that we featured Desk Girl in now-deleted blog when she was trying to charge people money to view her Instagram account. Abi, as she is named but not called, was trying to appeal to wangstas by posing almost naked with a bunch of Pitbulls. She later told us that she watched a bunch of Kylie Jenner videos and thought she could get rich by copying that Twitter-trashbag but had a bad reaction to sucking her face in cup to try and get the lips.
Well, Desk Girl was bullshit about all the nasty things we had to say to her. She hopped in her Ford Focus, which was covered with Unicorn and Coexist stickers, and drove to our offices in Fitchburg. Once she finished screaming at us, and then explained her grievances, we realized what this girl needed most was a job that wasn’t a PCA for her mom. We hired her and now it’s her job to answer all our hate mail and take the rare walk in. She believes that as long as she works here we will keep the blog about her down. How else do you think we could have such an SJW working for us? She, to this day, is the only one who has ever succeeded in getting us to fold and remove a story. So, when she says she really feels bad for these people we write about it – she means it. She’s been there.
But lately she’s become salty. Ever since we put another chick on staff, because we are a family-friendly feminist blog, the competition has been too much for Desk Girl to handle. We’ve decided to let her spread her wings a bit because we feel slightly bad she’s stuck taking the brunt of all the people we piss off.
What Desk Girl is really good at is rationalizing with the irrational. She’s even better at giving advice to the downtrodden ratchets. It helps that she’s clingy and has no social clicks. She’s a perpetual oversharer and is always just happy someone is talking to her.
So, we are letting Abi start “Ask Desk Girl.” Turtleriders, and anyone really, can send her a message with a problem they are having and she will post her response on the blog. Feel free to troll her. She won’t have any clue. We really just want her to shut up and quit bringing us the charity cases that tug on her heartstrings. It’s getting old because we really don’t care if someone who got shamed in our blog is butthurt.
All submissions will be confidential, and if you don’t have a preferential alias you’d like to be called, she will assign you one.
Don’t worry, we will still be sharing her best hate mail responses too as our loyal turtles seem to enjoy her uncanny ability to talk hoodrats down from their anger.
We also have a new tech guy name Gupta that will be helping occasional subjects remove anything that displeases them.
We’re here to please.
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