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Is The Uxbridge Gyspy Church Of End Times Back In Business? We Called Today To Find Out!!

Is The Uxbridge Gyspy Church Of End Times Back In Business? We Called Today To Find Out!!

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Is the Uxbridge gypsy cult Church of End Times back? Well, apparently they’re paving driveways again, despite their F rating from the BBB:

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If you don’t know these jokers by now then you must be new here. The Stanley brothers are ratchet legends. They just made the Final Four in Turtleboy Ratchet Madness before getting taken down by the Fall River Guttermuppet. They basically ran a church out of their really nice home in Uxbridge, that is financed by their gypsy driveway paving company that takes your money and then doesn’t finish the job. They had families, but they ditched them and kicked out their wives once they realized they could pretend to be prophets and nail troubled chicks via the word of God. Read all about them here

Anyway, are they back? We called the number on the card a couple times today but only got a machine. Here’s the message we left them:

All I wanna know is, is the 69 car still part of the fleet?

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Because I’m not joining a cult where the prophet doesn’t have a 69 car.

Nor am I not joining a cult where groupie chicks from Woonsocket don’t come to your court dates and dry hump your truck:

I’m not joining a cult where the prophet doesn’t do sexy pole dancing and jump into a crowd of 18 year old runaways.

I’m not joining a cult where the leaders don’t have glorious, long flowing locks and gypso-fabulous beltbuckles:

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All I know is, if they church is back in business, Turtleboy wants in. We’re joining. We want the word of Jesus, and we’re willing to go through an exorcism, or shine the prophets magnificent gator shoes, or whatever. No way we’re missing out on this one if they’re really back.



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24 Comment(s)
  • Anon
    June 7, 2019 at 9:20 am

    They’re back again. Guys solicited me in my driveway in Ashland a few days ago. Can send you the business card.

  • I'vebeenherebefore
    May 17, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    Omg those stubby little legs are just to much! They are the human equivalent of english bulldogs. Probably more expensive though :/

  • Irish
    May 7, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Dude thinks he’s Keith Urban. What a huge tool bag!

  • Lydia
    May 6, 2017 at 1:26 am

    Holy crap are these Stanley’s related to the Stanley’s who live on Cross St Salem, NH who are also gypsy scam drives way pavers? The family who one brother pushed his pregnant girlfriend out of a moving truck in Derry NH and ran her over and killed her several years ago????

  • LisainNC
    May 5, 2017 at 11:34 pm

    gypsy’s are always running one scam or another but a gypsy preacher that’s a 1st for me…lmao

  • Madcow not Rachel
    May 5, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    If you ever meet the old man you’ll see how shitbags breed shitbags.

  • light em up
    May 5, 2017 at 2:43 pm

    I called one time and got a message:
    We are not here to take your call right now. But there is someone who will always take your call. JESUS. Jesus will take your call any hour of the day or night and you won’t have to leave a message.

  • Lt Dan
    May 5, 2017 at 1:44 pm

    What do you buy the gypsys in your life for Xmas? Armando’s gift cards

  • Roma Trash
    May 5, 2017 at 10:02 am

    I thought I saw all the gypsy scams out there, but this one is great. Using Jesus to get money and hoes. A gypsy’s only skill is lying, and they do it well. They wear the bling and distracting outfits and cars, to try and hide the fact that they are inbred scum.

    • Anon.
      May 5, 2017 at 1:44 pm

      You must have experience with gypsies.

  • Diane Woods emerson
    May 5, 2017 at 9:39 am

    Why did the Fitchburg mom story disappear?

    Editor’s Note: Flagged for porn by Google.

    • OfficerBillBo
      May 5, 2017 at 9:57 am

      It’s because TurtleBoy isn’t as above the law as s/he thinks.

      Hopefully this is the start of the end of TBS.

  • UsualSuspect
    May 5, 2017 at 9:20 am

    What happened to the Ratchet mom’s of Fitchburg story?


  • ThrewUpInMyMouth
    May 5, 2017 at 9:10 am

    I love you Uncle Turtle. Will you marry me?

  • Cas
    May 5, 2017 at 7:36 am

    5 packs a day.

  • itsjustme
    May 5, 2017 at 7:33 am

    How do these guys make all that money? They can’t seriously make that can’t of cash scamming people over paving jobs to afford the fleet of vehicles they have and the large homes they own, is there any other things they are rumored to be involved in?

    • turtal
      December 6, 2017 at 7:47 pm

      i know the family. they would have their church followers sign over any property they owned to them, to “support’ the church. i got this info from a person i have known for 40 years, beth ellens mother…

  • ninja turtleboy
    May 5, 2017 at 5:31 am

    they obviously left their families to fuck each other’s asses. those baggy blue jeans with the pointy red shoes hahahahahaha

    • poopfest
      May 5, 2017 at 11:06 pm

      And the scarves…don’t forget the scarves!

  • mystressovmayhem
    May 5, 2017 at 4:46 am

    The chicks banging these Elvis wanna be’s must be tapped, and anyone who hires these freaks as well. Shit the whole throw back to Nicholas Cage in “Honeymoon in Vegas” would be my first clue the dynamic duo of fugliness aren’t right in the head and frauds. I wonder how many kids these things that make vagina shrivel up have…..named Lisa Marie.

  • Topturtlefan
    May 5, 2017 at 1:08 am

    Its all TBS fault. They didn’t win, so like the other losers in the ratchet madness, they have to go back to their roots and do hat they know. Saving souls and fucking people (paved) over.All the fame and glory and prize $$ was within their reach and they lost. If it was me I would sue TBS and demand a recount.Mr.Vulva could help. I know him personally. And I can get the brothers a DEAL on a slightly used BAPTISM POOL. I know a uy in Dorchester who won’t need his for about 15-20 yrs.

    • Sterling Turtle Rider
      May 5, 2017 at 3:30 am

      One ratchetastic church gets shut down, another re-opens… nature really is all about balance.

  • May 5, 2017 at 12:24 am

    The best part about this is the voicemail…

    “I want to reconnect with Jesus”

    ………………… LOL

    • Court
      May 5, 2017 at 8:05 am

      Had me dying! “You got Jesus, you got driveways, you got hot chicks… so yeah I want in!”

      Hahahahahhahahahahh GOLD!

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