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  • Is The Uxbridge Gyspy Church Of End Times Back In Business? We Called Today To Find Out!!

    Is The Uxbridge Gyspy Church Of End Times Back In Business? We Called Today To Find Out!!

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    Is the Uxbridge gypsy cult Church of End Times back? Well, apparently they’re paving driveways again, despite their F rating from the BBB:

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    If you don’t know these jokers by now then you must be new here. The Stanley brothers are ratchet legends. They just made the Final Four in Turtleboy Ratchet Madness before getting taken down by the Fall River Guttermuppet. They basically ran a church out of their really nice home in Uxbridge, that is financed by their gypsy driveway paving company that takes your money and then doesn’t finish the job. They had families, but they ditched them and kicked out their wives once they realized they could pretend to be prophets and nail troubled chicks via the word of God. Read all about them here

    Anyway, are they back? We called the number on the card a couple times today but only got a machine. Here’s the message we left them:

    All I wanna know is, is the 69 car still part of the fleet?

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    Because I’m not joining a cult where the prophet doesn’t have a 69 car.

    Nor am I not joining a cult where groupie chicks from Woonsocket don’t come to your court dates and dry hump your truck:

    I’m not joining a cult where the prophet doesn’t do sexy pole dancing and jump into a crowd of 18 year old runaways.

    I’m not joining a cult where the leaders don’t have glorious, long flowing locks and gypso-fabulous beltbuckles:

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    All I know is, if they church is back in business, Turtleboy wants in. We’re joining. We want the word of Jesus, and we’re willing to go through an exorcism, or shine the prophets magnificent gator shoes, or whatever. No way we’re missing out on this one if they’re really back.



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    1. Fiesty Turtle Lady

      The best part about this is the voicemail…

      “I want to reconnect with Jesus”

      ………………… LOL

      1. Court

        Had me dying! “You got Jesus, you got driveways, you got hot chicks… so yeah I want in!”

        Hahahahahhahahahahh GOLD!

    2. Topturtlefan

      Its all TBS fault. They didn’t win, so like the other losers in the ratchet madness, they have to go back to their roots and do hat they know. Saving souls and fucking people (paved) over.All the fame and glory and prize $$ was within their reach and they lost. If it was me I would sue TBS and demand a recount.Mr.Vulva could help. I know him personally. And I can get the brothers a DEAL on a slightly used BAPTISM POOL. I know a uy in Dorchester who won’t need his for about 15-20 yrs.

      1. Sterling Turtle Rider

        One ratchetastic church gets shut down, another re-opens… nature really is all about balance.

    3. mystressovmayhem

      The chicks banging these Elvis wanna be’s must be tapped, and anyone who hires these freaks as well. Shit the whole throw back to Nicholas Cage in “Honeymoon in Vegas” would be my first clue the dynamic duo of fugliness aren’t right in the head and frauds. I wonder how many kids these things that make vagina shrivel up have…..named Lisa Marie.

    4. ninja turtleboy

      they obviously left their families to fuck each other’s asses. those baggy blue jeans with the pointy red shoes hahahahahaha

      1. poopfest

        And the scarves…don’t forget the scarves!


      How do these guys make all that money? They can’t seriously make that can’t of cash scamming people over paving jobs to afford the fleet of vehicles they have and the large homes they own, is there any other things they are rumored to be involved in?

      1. turtal

        i know the family. they would have their church followers sign over any property they owned to them, to “support’ the church. i got this info from a person i have known for 40 years, beth ellens mother…

    6. Cas

      5 packs a day.

    7. ThrewUpInMyMouth

      I love you Uncle Turtle. Will you marry me?

    8. UsualSuspect

      What happened to the Ratchet mom’s of Fitchburg story?


    9. Wtf

      Why did the Fitchburg mom story disappear?

      Editor’s Note: Flagged for porn by Google.

      1. OfficerBillBo

        It’s because TurtleBoy isn’t as above the law as s/he thinks.

        Hopefully this is the start of the end of TBS.

    10. Roma Trash

      I thought I saw all the gypsy scams out there, but this one is great. Using Jesus to get money and hoes. A gypsy’s only skill is lying, and they do it well. They wear the bling and distracting outfits and cars, to try and hide the fact that they are inbred scum.

      1. Anon.

        You must have experience with gypsies.

    11. Lt Dan

      What do you buy the gypsys in your life for Xmas? Armando’s gift cards

    12. light em up

      I called one time and got a message:
      We are not here to take your call right now. But there is someone who will always take your call. JESUS. Jesus will take your call any hour of the day or night and you won’t have to leave a message.

    13. Madcow not Rachel

      If you ever meet the old man you’ll see how shitbags breed shitbags.

    14. LisainNC

      gypsy’s are always running one scam or another but a gypsy preacher that’s a 1st for me…lmao

    15. Lydia

      Holy crap are these Stanley’s related to the Stanley’s who live on Cross St Salem, NH who are also gypsy scam drives way pavers? The family who one brother pushed his pregnant girlfriend out of a moving truck in Derry NH and ran her over and killed her several years ago????

    16. Irish

      Dude thinks he’s Keith Urban. What a huge tool bag!

    17. I'vebeenherebefore

      Omg those stubby little legs are just to much! They are the human equivalent of english bulldogs. Probably more expensive though :/

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