All-Star Criminals

Jackie Coakley’s Fake UVA Frat Rape Story Is The Most Psychopathic Story I’ve Ever Heard

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As you know Turtleboy Sports is a feminist family blog. And IMO the only thing worse than a rapist is someone who makes it harder for rape victims to come forward by making up a rape. Such is the case with the University of Virginia rape fiasco. Late last year Rolling Stone wrote an article about a girl named “Jackie” who was subjected to a brutal gang rape at Phi Kappa Psi, that was so unbelievable it ended up not being true.

A woman named Sabrina Erdely wrote Jackie Coakley’s story, which was one of the most dramatic and implausible scripts that not even Liftetime or Law and Order SVU could cook up. The frat where the rape supposedly happened at ended up getting shut down and their reputation was forever damaged. Her


Well it turns out that Erdely, straight out of the Spanky McFarlane journalism playbook, literally did no homework at all. So many things didn’t make sense. Today Rolling Stone took a page out of the Old Balls handbook and retracted the column Ederly wrote, because it was all based on a lie.


The frat she said she was partying at that night didn’t have a party. Her Pinterest page was a non-stop diatribe about date rape:

11102728_1565307250419219_2032326967884456142_n jackie-coakley-pinterest-screenshot-gotnews-431 jackie-coakley-pinterest-screenshot-gotnews-491 jackie-coakley-pinterest-screenshot-gotnews-831

Her “friends” who supposedly were indifferent to the rape, and who according to Jackie Coakley wouldn’t talk to Rolling Stone about it, claimed they would’ve gladly spoken about it and that her story was filled with lies. Oh yea, and she said it took 7 hours while she was throw down on a glass table, which smashed into pieces, and then the savages from the frat all continued to rape her ON TOP OF smashed glass everywhere.

Nothing added up so a Columbia University Graduate School of Journalism investigation team was put together. After interviewing everyone involved they basically said that Rolling Stone is a joke. They literally did the worst possible job investigating what is considered a very serious crime. Of course we already knew that Rolling Stone is a joke because they turned Asshole #2 Jafar into a sex symbol.


The true story turned out to be one of the most fucked up and diabolical things I’ve ever heard. Jackie Coakley is a psychopath. She hates frats and thinks they’re all a bunch of rapists. She just couldn’t prove it. So she waited, and waited, and waited. No rape.

But she had to bring them down, so she just made it up instead. She bought a burner (throw away cell phone with prepaid minutes) and invented a boy named Haven Monahan, because apparently Jan Brady called dibs on George Glass first. She printed out a picture of a high school classmate who didn’t go to UVA and told everyone that the picture was of “Haven Monahan,” the frat boy who set the gang rape up. She texted herself from “Haven’s” phone to make the lie seem more believable to Erdely. Ya got that? She catfished herself.

Jackie Coakley outright refused to give Erdely any real names. She also said she wouldn’t cooperate if Erdely interviewed the frat boys from the fraternity in question. Erdely agreed because, why would she interview both parties involved when you can take the word of a psychopath? After all, men are the antichrist anyway on account of having penises.

To make matters worse she was in love with one of the three friends she supposedly told about the gang rape and who supposedly told her to shut the fuck up. He had previously rejected her, so instead of moving on and finding one of the thousands of other dudes at UVA, she made the whole thing up hoping to make him jealous so he would fall in love with her. Insane.

Now the the Columbia study has been released people are pissed, as they should be. And guess what? No one is losing their jobs!! Yay!!! I swear to God, you can literally write a story that falsely accuses a large group of people of being serial rapists, ignore all journalists ethical codes, and still be a journalist for Rolling Stone. All you have to do is say, “My bad. My intentions were good,” and you’re all set.

Meanwhie Jackie Coakley is probably going to be sued for damages, which is absolute bullshit. Jackie Coakley is a criminal and she needs to spend at least 20 years in jail, for two main reasons. 1) That’s what “Haven Monahan” would’ve gotten if he had raped her and he was real. 2) She just made it a million times harder for real rape victims to come forward because people are less likely to believe them. The fraternity members lost their home, they had bricks throw through their windows, and they had death threats out against them. And all because Jackie Coakley wanted a boy she couldn’t have.

We here at Turtleboy Sports are REAL feminists. Because feminism is about treating women equally with men. But as we’ve pointed out before, the nutjobs have taken over feminism. We call them the feministos, and their entire agenda revolves around men being evil. Jezebel is a feministo publication who published this article after people had the AUDACITY to question this tall tale:

Screen Shot 2015-04-06 at 6.01.07 PM

Yup, everything is always rape, because men are rape machines. If you don’t agree with that then you’re a misogynist. Got it.

The bottom line is real feminists should be happy about this. This is a good thing. Why? Because no one got gang raped. The only victims here are the fraternity brothers who will likely make millions of dollars in their upcoming GoFundMe page. But of course they’re not, because just like the “Black Lives Matter” folks need racism to profit, Jezebel and the feministos needs gang rapes like this to be real in order for them to profit.

Screen Shot 2015-04-06 at 7.29.23 PM Screen Shot 2015-04-06 at 7.33.16 PM

Yup, not Jackie’s fault at all. She only orchestrated one of the most fucked up, premeditated fake gang rape-catfishing schemes of all time. Not her job to get the details right though. She basically did nothing wrong. The thing with these morons is they didn’t want this story to be a lie. Now they don’t know what to do with themselves.

The last thing I’ll say is this. This basically disproves all the nonsense about “white male privilege.” If “white privilege” were real the frat boys wouldn’t have been guilty before proven innocent. They wouldn’t have had their lives threatened. They wouldn’t have had their reputations smeared. But they did, because as we know, there is no such thing as white male privilege.

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8 Comment(s)
  • Wabbitt
    April 7, 2015 at 10:01 am

    The world needs more feminists like Christina Hoff-Sommers, and less fucking morons like entire staff at Jezebel. People who think critically and don’t just scream about men being evil, misogynist, rapists who deserve to die (unless they’re black, cuz racism).

    Third wave feminism is an affront to the movement toward equality, because their entire logic revolves around men being inherently violent, predatory rapists. And if you dare mention that men get raped, too, then you’ve just started WW3. I actually saw an Tumblr post (since deleted) where a woman tried to blame an 8 year old molestation victim for being male – stating that he was the real predator, not his 30 something year old molester.

    I think this picture sums up the current brand of internet feminism pretty well.

  • JayC
    April 7, 2015 at 3:04 am

    Maybe Rolling Stone should go back to stories about the music business and stay away from anything important, like the Boston bombing terrorists and rapes, because they clearly gave low class T&G journalistic skills. But I suppose they’all start worrying about music when Music Television does – never.

    • Devils Mouthpiece
      April 7, 2015 at 7:23 am

      Sounds to me like Clive the Jive has a career path at Rolling Stone. Their perfect for each other.

    • Itinerant Engineer
      April 7, 2015 at 8:53 am

      Most of what’s in Rolling Stone is still about the music industry, it’s just the other stuff that tends to get them more meta-media publicity; stuff like having Dzhokar on the cover or the controversy over this abortion of an article tend to stir the pot more than their interviews with Ringo Starr or Marilyn Manson.

      I might just be trying to justify my RS subscription, but even most of the articles about social issues and politics are pretty good, even if they’re more of a liberal echo-chamber than the Politics board on Reddit is. Luckily, I can identify media bias and take whatever I read with an appropriately-sized grain of salt.

      Turtleboy was right about this particular article though, it was written like a bad Lifetime movie if the screenwriters had been railing amphetamines the entire time they were writing it because nothing else could excuse how over-the-top it was. It’s for that reason that I have to place the lion’s share of the blame for the story, the backlash against it, and the subsequent fallout on RS. I absolutely feel that criminal charges are warranted against the girl that made the false accusation in the first place, but a magazine the size of Rolling Stone should have stuck to their editorial process and done some fact checking and further interviews, rather than just handwaving it since the subject of the article was afraid of repercussions. Journalism isn’t about reporting a one-sided narrative, it’s about reporting all of the facts; those unfortunately were absent all over this article.

      TL;DR: Rolling Stone is OK but they really screwed this one up.

  • white privilege
    April 6, 2015 at 9:32 pm

    Lmfao at the last paparagraph. The worst thing ive ever read On turtleboy. Unreal

    • turtle wax
      April 6, 2015 at 9:58 pm

      Get over it.

      • white privilege
        April 7, 2015 at 1:01 am

        Eat shit

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