Sports

Jingomaniac Jonny Gomes Still Pretending To Be A Bad Ass To Hide 0-4 Performance In Red Sox-Rays Rowdy Down

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Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.

 

First of all, I’d just like to say that Red Sox fans everywhere can thank me for this four, and potentially five game winning streak, not Jonny Gomes and that stupid brawl. If I didn’t write that blog calling them out on their bullshit enforcement of imaginary rules, then this doesn’t happen. Clearly they read Turtleboy Sports, recognize that we are the voice of the people, and realized that they needed to get their shit together.

On that note, I love the Boston Red Sox but baseball is such a sissy sport sometimes that it’s just hard to take seriously. What I am observing on TV right now is actually making me consider turning on the Miami Heat – Indiana Pacers game.

First of all, the whole concept of throwing at a batter is the most feminine thing going in sports, especially in the American League. How much of a coward do you have to be to throw a baseball at someone 90 mph knowing that they can’t inflict nearly the kind of pain that you just inflicted on them? Real tough guys out there. I mean, I could drive into you with my Kia Sephia at 30 mph but that doesn’t exactly make me a cowboy. It actually makes me a puss-bag McGee. Pitchers should have the option of charging the plate if they don’t like a batter. Enough of this throwing at them shit.

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Secondly the whole concept of “intent” is more baseball chicanery. Who the fuck determines intent? I’m watching Brandon Workman pleading with the umpires that he lost control of the ball which he OBVIOUSLY intentionally threw at Evan Longoria. Everyone watching this game knew Longoria was getting thrown at. Now I believe the ball might’ve slipped, which is why he missed Longoria, but you’d have to be a real mental midget to believe he didn’t do that on purpose. So let me get this straight Workman – Price hits your best player (Ortiz) and when Tampa’s best player (Longoria) comes up, you just happen to throw a fastball behind him? YYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

The bottom line is that intent should be completely irrelevant in dealing with sort of tomfoolery. You hit someone after the benches have been warned and you’re out. Period. If you truly did hit them “accidentally” then you’re an incompetent jackass and you should find a new line of work. If you ARE that incompetent then just swallow your medicine and walk off the field like the stooge that you are.

Which brings me to the question – how the hell is David Price still in this game? Umps had to have known tensions were high for this one. David Price is kind of an asshole. Any grown ass man with a chin strap is by definition a dooshnozzle. It’s science. Obviously Price was gonna throw at someone. The fact that it was Ortiz was probably the most blatantly intentional beaning in the history of baseball. The fact that it came five days after Captain fucking America defended Red Sox Nation’s honor in that “brawl” was kind of a dead giveaway, no? He should’ve been immediately thrown out. The Red Sox would obviously retaliate, get an ejection of their own, and life would go on.

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Instead we have idiots on Twitter debating whether or not Workman and Price are incompetent, or enforcers of baseball’s unwritten rules. Fuck both of them and their stupid make believe rules.

Oh yea, and Jingomaniac Jonny Gomes is having himself quite a game. A solid 0-4 with 1 strikeout and four LOB. He’s ended two innings, and as I write this he came up to lead off the 8th. First fucking pitch, groundout. But don’t worry Red Sox fans, he’s a God damn Patriot. If you need someone to push around the other team’s loud mouthed shortstop for stealing third base in the 7th inning, Jonny will be there to enforce MLB’s imaginary, non-existent rules. He’s doing exactly what he’s done his entire miserable career in Boston – pretending to be Officer Bad Ass so delusional Red Sox fans forget how terrible he is. His reaction to the Brock Holt failed bunt attempt was priceless:

Hey Price, you think you’re gonna throw a strike on Brock Holt? Think again. Jingo Jonny isn’t standing for that shit.

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Read the Tats Price. Somewhere on there it says Boston Strong. That means NOT WELCOME!!

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The realest Red Sox fans out there aren’t falling for this guy’s shenanigans though. The realest Red Sox fans are the type that will fly 2,000 miles to Dallas to BOO Jonny Gomes until they get free tacos:

Oh yea, and two more quick things:

1) Xander Bogaerts is quickly becoming the most likable player on the Red Sox.

2) Koji Uehara continues to be the greatest relief pitcher these eyes have ever seen. Dude absolutely got ROBBED of the Cy Young last year. Robbed.

Feel free to share your thoughts to keep the conversation going.

Follow us on Twitter and on Facebook

Turtleboy has gone mainstream. Check out our blogs for WEEI.COM’s Dennis & Callahan’s Producer’s Blog.

 

 

2 Comment(s)
  • Margee Pesikov
    June 2, 2014 at 9:18 pm

    What is a Jingomaniac? Is that another word for that kid in the red shirt’s penis?

  • May 31, 2014 at 9:17 am

    Im willing to bet all the people who like Johnny Gomes were big WWE fans growing up. Isn’t that what he is? Just a cartoon character that sux at playing baseball?

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