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Long time turtle riders know all about our long and documented history with the town of Colrain. For those of you unfamiliar with this cesspool of debauchery, Colrain is a town of 1,700 people on the Vermont border that looks like this:
Just an absolute shithole in every sense of the word. We legally own Colrain too.
Well our feud started with them in early 2016 when we blogged about this typical Colrainian named Shawn Herzig who drove drunk on the rims of his car and was found passed out in his vehicle.
It was a hilarious little story that was so Colrain it hurts. But it got everyone up there all butthurt about the turtle like we’ve never seen before:
My personal favorite was Kye “Colrain 4 Life” Johnson, who accidentally messaged a gardening club that he thought was Turtleboy Sports:
Colrain 4 Life!!
Anyway, I’m getting somewhere with this, I swear. One of the people Kye tagged was a relative of the Shawn Herzig, because you better bet your biscuits that everyone in Colrain is related:
And Dan Herzig was basically born to be on Turtleboy Sports:
This was one of the most legendary lines of all time:
So Colrain it hurts.
Well guess what folks? Colrain got their ultimate Karma on Turtleboy today…..
WWLP: A Colrain man is the second $15 million winner in the Massachusetts State Lottery’s 200X game. According to Massachusetts State Lottery spokesperson Christian Teja, Gary Herzig, of Colrain, claimed his prize on Monday. Herzig chose the cash option prize and will receive a one time payment of $9,750,000. Herzig said he will use the money to invest in his retirement. Teja said the winning ticket was purchased in Greenfield at F.L. Roberts on 63-69 Main Street. The store will receive $50,000 for having sold the winning ticket.
Oh for fuck’s sake. Of course a Herzig won $15 million!! Colrain always gets the last laugh. First thing he’s gonna do? Get the fuck out of Colrain obviously. Because “Colrain 4 Life” really means, “Colrain if you’re out of options.” Maybe move somewhere with wifi…or a dentist.
I have no idea if that’s him in the photo with Dan Herzig, since literally half the town of Colrain is a Herzig.
Dude was delivering Chinese food last week:
All I know is, they’ve earned it. If you live in Colrain 4 Life, you should win the lottery someday. If you don’t then there is no God.