Nudniks

Keytar Bear Is A Dick Cheese Who Got Arrested For Shitting In Front Of A Kid In Public, Threatened To Kill Someone, And Left Us An Insane Voicemail And Messages

 

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Last week I published a blog about Keytar Bear, the lovable guy who dresses as Ted and plays music on his Keytar for tips outside of events in Boston. Turns out he’s actually a loose cannon who likes to call chicks fat, claims that he’s the wrong Jew to fuck with, and threatens to kill himself to get revenge when he gets backed into a corner.

Up until now Keytar Bear has been anonymous, and considering what this blog was founded on, along with my own anonymity, it might seem a little hypocritical to care who Keytar Bear is, never mind name names. But then we got this message:

Looks like Keytar Bear likes to take massive dumps at art festivals in Cambridge in front of little kids. Could this be confirmed? Well, multiple people contacted us and identified Keytar Bear as Keney Legagneur of Sutton. And a quick Google of his name brings you to the police log from Cambridge on June 1, the same day as Riverfest, and it does indeed show that he was arrested for open and gross lewdness for exposing himself and urinating in full view of a child.

And just two month before that Keytar Bear was given a continuance without a finding after threatening to kill someone on social media.

If he had a continuance without a finding for a year, and he committed another crime within that year (2 months to be exact), shouldn’t he be in jail? I guess defecating in front of a child is no biggie.

Well, the Notorious P.O.O.P. also messaged our Facebook page last week after he sent a sycophant (or possibly him on a burner account) to demand the blog be taken down. It was a weird message, but we can’t see it anymore because they took down our Facebook page. It did mention something about a lawsuit, but he was acting like he was there to support us. Really weird shit. Luckily he found Clarence and sent pretty much the same thing to that account:

Just to review. The person who contacted us and asked to take the blog down about him was actually a detective posing as a fan. This triggered not one, not two, but SIX district attorneys out of Suffolk County to begin to review and analyze all comments left on our Facebook page. Then something, something about violence, something, something about God putting him on earth to make people happy, and something, something about him working with detectives who wanna hold Turtleboy responsible for….something.

He also sent dozens of screenshots from comments (many of which we included in the first blog) which you can see the voicemail he sent us:

“People don’t know me, they don’t know nothing about me. But her shit, every person who shares that article, they’re sharing Noelle’s name. Technically she can get fucking fired, or this shit can catch up to her 10 years down the line. Like Kevin Hart type shit, nah mean? They got her calling Keytar Bear little stinky whatever beg for kisses whatever and shit. That shit is wack bro. That shit is mad wack. Nah what I’m saying? Y’all mother fuckers went through puberty already, you shouldn’t be playing around like that. 

I know this can be a little confusing, but here’s what I take from it:

  • He thinks we’re friends with the chick he called fat. From what I hear she’s not a Turtleboy fan, but that’s cool and we’d still have her on the live show if she wanted to come on.
  • He’s here to help Noelle, because the comments she left about him harassing her are going to get her fired from hosting the Oscar’s like Kevin Hart.
  • Since the blog has screenshots with her name on it, this would be bad for her, as getting catcalled by Keytar Bear can kill your career.
  • We are “mad wack,” which I haven’t been called since ought seven.
  • Puberty was supposed to prevent us from being mad wack moving forward, but here we are several years later and we are as mad wack as ever.

He’s also been posting weird shit about women, babies, and liquor for several years now.

It’s starting to make sense why Keytar Bear seems to always be getting “attacked” in public now. Perhaps it’s because he’s a lunatic who starts shit with people a lot. And coincidentally he has had multiple people start fundraisers for him after these “attacks,” but has never filed a police report because…..racism.

In response to the outpouring of public support, the musician released a statement. It reads, in part: “To the person who hurt me, I forgive you for punching me and breaking my nose after taking a photo with me downtown last week. … I have decided not to file a police report immediately so you can have a chance to step up and take responsibility for your actions before the police come knocking on your door.”

Taylor explains that Keytar Bear’s decision, thus far, not to file a report is fueled by his distrust of the police. “He has a couple of friends who are trying to convince him to file a police report. And his reasoning [not to] has a lot to do with his race, and how his particular race has been treated by the police for a very long time, and also the kind of discrimination that happens in courts when there’s a white kid and a black kid. And what happens there is usually that the black kid suffers. So he has been very suspicious about that process. Basically all he wanted was an apology.”

In conclusion, Keytar Bear is a fucking creep in serious need of psychological help who should be socially ostracized and embarrassed to show up anywhere in Boston. He recently has been in legal trouble for threatening to kill someone and defecating in front of a child. He harasses women, threatens to kill himself on a whim, claims to be Jewish, and the media fawns over him because he plays fun music in a bear costumer. Then he cashes in on GoFundMe’s after being “attacked” by people in fights that he probably started in the first place.

 

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30 Comment(s)
  • NObama2020
    September 25, 2019 at 2:47 am

    “Up until now Keytar Bear has been anonymous”

    No, he hasn’t. You’re not good at your job. Why are we still talking about this escaped piece of property?

  • SassySwede
    September 24, 2019 at 7:00 pm

    Just curious. Is anyone else thinking this bear is looking kinda creepy?
    I do believe that this bear suit has seen the last of its better days and will soon begin to (if it hasn’t already) creep people out and scare the bejeezus out of little kids.

  • olekruller
    September 24, 2019 at 9:36 am

    he dew the diagonal kruller crossed her face? say it aint so.

  • bearnturtlehead
    September 24, 2019 at 8:26 am

    that hot thud hit the pavement and ya heard dinnah bells.

  • Pincha Loafe
    September 24, 2019 at 6:11 am

    His girlfriend is a real class act too. The Sutton address is actually her place. Funny he’s bashing fat chicks though.

  • Jimmy page
    September 23, 2019 at 10:57 pm

    Fuck Keytar bear and his Greta van fleet bullshit

  • Plop
    September 23, 2019 at 10:35 pm

    Plop.

  • MarkyM
    September 23, 2019 at 9:10 pm

    Keytar no worrys my friend I see plenty of jobs in future for you .First maybe you could be Liz Warren’s new mascot Chief Pinchaloaf or better yet maybe be DA Rollins personal pooper scooper as she throws plenty of shit.

  • eet up
    September 23, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    Wallop Haynes! Dat mean dinner biatrhches!!!

  • dang
    September 23, 2019 at 6:36 pm

    Aint that some shit.

  • Buster Walls
    September 23, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    Does a bear shit in the woods? Nope. I guess not.

    • Luke Fondleberg
      September 25, 2019 at 1:25 am

      Is the Pope Catholic?

  • pnut better
    September 23, 2019 at 6:03 pm

    old ladies foreheads lookin like belgium waffles with some jiffy pb trown in.

  • turtlehead
    September 23, 2019 at 5:17 pm

    Did a lady ask him for the “gerry cheever”?

    • GOAL
      September 23, 2019 at 6:25 pm

      They dont make old fashioned lightbulbs any more.

  • IDKNEMO
    September 23, 2019 at 5:14 pm

    Some really filthy old biddies like brown clay cylinders laying across their faces. Goodness gracious.

  • Winnie the pooh
    September 23, 2019 at 4:23 pm

    This story be mad wack bro

  • Black Jacques Chirac
    September 23, 2019 at 3:29 pm

    His surname literally means “The Winner” in French. I’m glad to see irony is not dead.

  • M
    September 23, 2019 at 3:00 pm

    It’s astounding that some idiot in a bear suit who plays a keytar for tips has received this much fanfare.

  • Glen Gonad
    September 23, 2019 at 2:52 pm

    Keytar should move to Portland.
    Its a paradise and people are free to defecate in the streets and shoot up.plus liberals would love watching keytar as he shit live.

  • Captain Trips
    September 23, 2019 at 1:52 pm

    Play dat funky music white booooyyyy

  • Liawatha
    September 23, 2019 at 1:22 pm

    Defecating in public is part of their culture. Whites need to accept this and get over it!

  • Corinth Arkadin
    September 23, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    I remember when I was a 10 year old kid, me and my pals started fucking with a black d00d dressed in a “Grimace” costume at some event because he was attempting to mack with some ladies and told us to ‘…fucking get the fuck outta here, kids’.

    We didn’t take kindly to that language, and we knew that costume made him uncoordinated as hell, we pushed him down and made him look like a complete tool becasue he couldn’t get up. We laughed hard that day.

  • wulpnau
    September 23, 2019 at 11:38 am

    Hot fudge sundaes! Where them war horse ole bitches at?

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    September 23, 2019 at 11:26 am

    Before I read any further….
    “…he’s actually a loose cannon who likes to call chicks fat, claims that he’s the wrong Jew to fuck with, and threatens to kill himself to get revenge when he gets backed into a corner.”

    If that was a checklist I do 2/3 on a weakly basis. Still on his side until he calls me fat personally.

    • DudeRanchStripClub
      September 23, 2019 at 11:41 am

      After a full read I stand passively by what I said.

  • Two Patch Crappy Jack
    September 23, 2019 at 11:25 am

    Keytar costume is just to hide the fact he’s a giant Perv. When your in a costume, you can push the Perv limit up a notch and get away with a little more. It’s all it is. Hopefully the blog has ended that career.

  • JuJu
    September 23, 2019 at 11:08 am

    He brings new meaning to the question “Does a bear shit in the woods?”.

    • Luke Fondleberg
      September 25, 2019 at 1:29 am

      Sending it out for clarification whether ‘in the middle of a crowded festival’ falls under a definition of ‘the woods.’

      Awaiting response…..

      Upon further review, we’ll give this one to you. Well played!

  • Corinth Arkadin
    September 23, 2019 at 11:02 am

    His advice on checking blood sugar levels and telling people they are ‘fat’ and ‘uncomfortable’ can’t ‘hide behind a dog’ (?) are mildly amusing.
    However, I guess when your “job” includes dressing up as an animal, it’s an indicator that you’re all about voiding in public.

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