All-Star Criminals

Lakeville Cholesterocerous Who Killed Neighbor’s Golden Retriever Lied To Cops About Dog Killing His Chickens, Says He Could’ve Buried The Dog And No One Would Know

Lakeville Cholesterocerous Who Killed Neighbor’s Golden Retriever Lied To Cops About Dog Killing His Chickens, Says He Could’ve Buried The Dog And No One Would Know

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Mark J. Vasseur, the Lakeville Glutton Sandwich who shot and killed his neighbors golden retriever, allegedly because it had killed one of his chickens and he feared for his life, had his arraignment yesterday. Turns out he’s an even bigger dickstick than we initially thought he was.

For instance, here’s why he said he called the cops:

“Mark stated that he thought he was doing the right thing by calling us right away,” Joyce wrote. “If he thought he was doing something wrong, he has a back hoe and he would have dug a hole and put the dog in it and nobody would have ever known.”

Wait….what?? Ya know who tells the cops that they could’ve buried a dead dog in their yard and then told the cops no one would eve know about it? Someone with experience in burying dead dogs. Dig this mother fucker’s yard up!!!

Seriously though, what a great guy!! He was gonna dig a hole and bury the dog, but since he’s such an upstanding individual he called the cops instead. Someone get this guy a cookie. He clearly hasn’t had enough.

And remember his excuse that he shot the dog because it killed one of his chickens (which wouldn’t even be a good excuse, but whatever)? Turns out that was a lie:

During the course of the investigation, Joyce said he learned that Vasseur’s chickens were inside a penned area with no access for the dogs to get to them.

“Mr. Vasseur had to retrieve his firearm from another area of the residence before going outside to see what the dogs were doing,” Joyce wrote in his report.

Police learned that Vasseur’s chickens were not injured or attacked and that he actually could have shot the chickens when he fired shots at Walle, Joyce wrote.

Yup, not only did the dogs not kill any chickens, they had no access to them in the first place. And this cholesterocerous easily could’ve shot one of his own chickens in the process, even though he pretends to care so much about them.

That’s not the only part of his story that doesn’t add up:

“Mr. Vasseur’s own statement to me that he believes he hit the dog with two rounds and he fired what he believed to be six rounds … leaves four rounds unaccounted for,” Joyce wrote.

Six shots. For a 50 pound golden retriever. What a fucking pussy.

Luckily his license and guns have all been confiscated because he’s shown that he’s clearly not a responsible gun owner. Not that he’s necessarily capable of killing a human being, but as we’ve seen from his Facebook posts, this was a guy who was just WAITING for his chance to shoot something with a pulse that doesn’t have a designated hunting season.

The only thing this lardvark’s gonna be shooting now is insulin.

22 Comment(s)
  • Justice for All
    November 10, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    Why does this sumo sack of shit even have chickens? Does he LOOK LIKE he eats any chicken that doesn’t come in a cardboard bucket or have a Mc in front of it? Take away his Lipitor and let him die of a heart attack. Two weeks tops.

    • Full Testicles
      November 11, 2017 at 10:20 am

      ^^^ favorite comment, dead on.

      • Justice for All
        November 11, 2017 at 11:12 am

        LOL Thank you. I try.

    • Kevins 9 Iron
      jameson is a douche
      November 12, 2017 at 7:27 am

      You should write for turtleboy.

  • ElJefe72
    November 10, 2017 at 4:25 pm

    I thought Andy Reid was still coaching the KC Chiefs. What’s he doing in Massachusetts?

  • Mike
    November 10, 2017 at 3:26 pm

    He likes reposting things from “cold dead hands” as in “I will give you my gun when you pry it from my cold dead hands”, which I’m sure is an expression he has muttered time and time again. Well, here he is, still alive, his guns confiscated. Just another lie from this discusting buffalo bodied butthead!

  • Gov. C. Bakerboy
    November 10, 2017 at 2:17 pm

    If he was a cop he’d get away with it because I’d turn a blind eye.

    • above the law
      November 10, 2017 at 4:43 pm

      Troopers Are Your Best Protection.

      (NECN: Brendan Monahan, Norton, Mass.) – It was the final hours of the 2011 hunting season.

      Jim Blair’s wife, Cheryl, set out for a New Year’s Eve walk.

      “I got a phone call at five o’clock… It was Norton fire rescue. They said fire rescue people were in the back woods and that my wife had been injured. I thought, ‘okay, it’s dark, maybe she tripped over a log, twisted an ankle or broke a hand or something falling.'”

      Jim quickly discovered this wasn’t a simple fall. His wife has been shot in a serious hunting accident.

      Police say Mass. state trooper John Bergeron, who lives close to the Blairs, shot Cheryl in her abdomen with his shotgun after mistaking the tails of her dogs for the tail of a deer.

      Cheryl was rushed to Rhode Island Hospital and is expected to be okay.

      Bergeron is licensed to hunt and will not face any charges or disciplinary action from the state police.

  • Nancy Drew
    November 10, 2017 at 2:05 pm

    Can only imagine the dogs pain and suffering and the horror for the family.

    His lie regarding the chickens being harmed and preparation to shoot the dog, tells the entire story, thrill killing. Hope he does some time in prison.

  • MG
    November 10, 2017 at 1:13 pm

    Parasite- Karma your presence is needed

  • SRR
    November 10, 2017 at 11:52 am

    Taking away this morbidly obese Assholes guns is a good start but that has to be permanent, He should NEVER be allowed to have a license to own a gun again!
    I hope that the fatassasaurus has to do some time in jail as well. In a perfect world he would be sentenced to death for murdering an innocent animal that is more than likely viewed as part of the family. They are left to grieve the loss of a member of the family. I view my dogs as fur covered children losing one to Cancer or old age is devastating enough, but having some useless piece of lard murder one makes it so much more tragic and heartbreaking! I don’t know that I would have been able to control my emotions if some vile piece of filth shot one of my dogs I think I would have grabbed my gun and gave the evil piece of shit a dose of his own medicine.

    • itsjustme
      Miss my puppy
      November 10, 2017 at 1:49 pm

      I still grieve for the golden we lost five years ago. He was the best dog. Our youngest was a baby when we got him and she would take his bone out of his mouth and he wouldn’t do anything but lay down and wait till she put it down. She climbed all over him, probably pulled his fur a million times and never once did he snip or growl. We had him only five short years before a heart condition took him and in those five years not once did he ever bark. No dog will ever measure up to him.

      • Pets are family too
        November 12, 2017 at 12:16 pm

        Sorry for the loss of your golden. I’ve known a few of them, and they are truly a gentle and lovable breed.

  • Joe Biden
    November 10, 2017 at 11:23 am

    He should have used a double barrel shot gun. Trust me on this one.

    • Tom Knapp
      November 10, 2017 at 5:32 pm

      Well, I slightly disagree. If you want to shoot clays, upland, waterfowl, vegetables, make fruit salad, maybe add some protein with a golden retriever,….You won’t find a better shotgun than a Benelli

  • Jedediah
    November 10, 2017 at 10:30 am

    Give this man the electric chair

    • Fitzy
      November 10, 2017 at 11:06 am

      As long as they position the chair over a floor drain with a beg enough grease trap that sounds like a good idea

    • Justice for All
      November 10, 2017 at 6:59 pm

      He’d need an electric SOFA, I think.

  • Justice for All
    November 10, 2017 at 10:25 am

    I’d like to see where fatboy holsters his dog killing piece. LOL NOT at his waist.

  • Justice for All
    November 10, 2017 at 10:24 am

    There you go, TB. Back in the game! Pick on the REAL lardvark pieces of shit. The pieces of shit that deserve it! Break all the news you want. I like that too. I don’t like when you pick on people who have done nothing wrong, or people who have pissed only you off (Gaffney.) I still think your followers know the real story about that though. Go back to fighting REAL asshole wonders of the world. I get so mad at some of your stuff….but I’d never really leave ya! LOL

    I’m kind of nervous wearing my TBS sweatshirt though. And I could use it today. LOL

  • TJB
    Captain Kangaroo
    November 10, 2017 at 10:20 am

    Even IF the golden was a threat to his birds, I bet you could chase him away by yelling. Golden’s are smart and friendly. When is the last time you heard of a golden retriever attack? This guy is an asshole.

  • fanofturtle
    November 10, 2017 at 9:40 am

    What a fat disgusting bloated needle dick sack of shit , he is the epitome of what a “pussy” is , a golden ? he shot a golden ? maybe just maybe the shepherd would put a little poop in his pants but a golden , they don’t know what bite is aside from the food bowl . My hope is the karma train roars through his living room while he’s cleaning a weapon , fat cunt should be skinned alive . I know where you live tubby . and my GSD is very intolerant of the likes of you .

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