Hoodrat Heroes

Land o Earthquakes And Diabetes Dumpstercoon Do Battle With Notorious P.I.G And Pony Tail Pedro At Springfield Gas Station In Today’s Episode Of Social Distancing In The Hood

 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – social distancing ain’t gonna work in the hood. Ghetto folk don’t watch White House press briefings, they don’t know who Dr. Fauci is, they don’t take their marching orders from Charlie Baker, and they don’t buy into the idea that we are “all in this together.” Today’s episode of social distancing in the hood comes from Springfield, where several flat brimmed, gravitationally challenged laardvarks got together to race cars, but ended up getting into an epic two round, male-female bro-ha-ha. First was the ladies.

It all began when Land o Earthquakes called out the Notorious P.I.G for disrespecting her man’s jelly rolls.

The Notortious P.I.G didn’t take too kindly to that and so the battle ensued as these things always do in Springfield – on the hood of a Honda Civic.

They both attempted to gain leverage on the other, knowing that gravity was their friend.

But alas the Notorious P.I.G. gained the upper hand by giving Land o Earthquakes the hoodrat helicopter.

This then led to the ceremonial unveiling of the fupa.

And it continued until both parties agreed that 45 seconds of exercise was they could handle, and the Notorious P.I.G. was crowned Princess Hoodbooger.

Next up was the main event, featuring Land o Earthquakes’ porridge packer, the Diabetes Dumpstercoon vs. Pony Tail Pedro, who of course was rocking the hat of champions.

This still image right here is the most iconic Springfield image that has ever been taken.

A morbidly obese man on food stamps rocking one size fits all sweatpants and Jordan’s, a grown man with a pony tail and flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat who probably could get you heroin in less than 3 minutes, multiple people filming on their Obamaphones, and a lone gutterslug ripping a Newport Light in front of an idol Honda Civic while thinking, “this is what I’ll be doing every Sunday night for the rest of my life.”

The Diabetes Dumpstercoon took a deep breath as he prepared to engage in physical exercise for the first time since 8th grade gym class.

He eyed up Pony Tail Pedro like he was the last cold taquito at 711.

But he left himself as wide open as most of the women’s beef curtains who were watching this all go down, and then BOOM!!

Right in the kisser!!

That was the only connected punch in either fight, as the flat brimmed Chicago Bulls hat wearing spectators watched a defensive battle transpire from that point forward.

Credit to the Diabetes Dumpstercoon though – he kept his form and footwork solid despite not being able to tuck in his overflowing fupa folds.

Once the flat brimmed Bulls hat fell on the ground a gasp overcame the crowd and the fight was officially ended with no winner.

Question  – how many masks did you count there?

Answer – the same amount you will see on these same people starting on Wednesday. Zero.

So the next time Karen complains that someone didn’t have a mask on at Honey Farms, send her this video to remind her that there are much, much more egregious social distancing violations in the hood. And this is why the plan we have used to stop the spread of the disease was a horrible idea – because they didn’t factor in that ghetto folk don’t play by the same rulebook as the rest of us.

 

Please consider supporting local journalism by donating to the Turtle fund:




Follow us on Youtube, SoundCloud, Twitter, and Facebook.

Hello Turtle Riders. As you know if you follow Turtleboy we are constantly getting censored and banned by Facebook for what are clearly not violations of their terms of service. Twitter has done the same, and trolls mass reported our blog to Google AdSense thousands of times, leading to demonitization. We can get by and survive, but we could really use your help. Please consider donating by hitting the PayPal button above if you’d like support free speech and what we do in the face of Silicon Valley censorship. Or just buy our award winning book about the dangers of censorship and rise of Turtleboy: 

 

58 Comment(s)
  • Locked and Loaded
    May 8, 2020 at 2:46 pm

    My first thought when I played the video was “my AR could permanently solve that problem with just one 30 round magazine”.

    • EdgyNerdBullyer
      September 20, 2020 at 8:06 pm

      Now THATS edgy

  • lebaron92
    May 7, 2020 at 1:45 pm

    Is this the station across the street from the casino?

  • Dr Wu
    Dr Wu
    May 5, 2020 at 3:45 pm

    Well…if you are REALLY interested in the chubby chick formerly dressed in red- all ya gotta do is roll her in flour and aim for the wet spot.

  • DudeRanchStripClub
    May 5, 2020 at 11:12 am

    Seems like 2 people having a respectable fist fight in a Mobil parking lot.

    No weapons? No problem. Enjoy.

  • art.flaherty
    Lou Albano
    May 5, 2020 at 10:32 am

    Hoodrat helecopter! Hahaha!

  • Make America Great Again
    May 5, 2020 at 9:51 am

    Fuckin Spics…where is MY wall

    • foleyworld
      Casino Scum
      May 6, 2020 at 10:04 pm

      New England Spics are almost always not Mexican. They’re Puerto Rican or Dominican. A wall only stops Mexicans and Central Americans, the other ones fly here on Spirit Air. Leave the anti-Spic jabs to Spic Tormentor.

  • True justice
    May 5, 2020 at 9:09 am

    Why couldn’t the commies just invent a viirus for people like this and leave old people alone.

  • Ben Dover
    Ratchet Patrol
    May 5, 2020 at 8:41 am

    Herd immunity.

  • Ted Baxter
    May 5, 2020 at 6:50 am

    My tax money at work. These are the people these virus’ should be invented for.

  • Lipstickhippie
    Skinny Minnie
    May 4, 2020 at 9:55 pm

    I’ve never seen so many stretch marks at once in my life.

  • Silencio DoGood
    May 4, 2020 at 9:54 pm

    news reports of higher Covid rates among minorities appear to link this to the White Man’s burden. we must stop minorities from behaving like this, apparently because they can’t do it themselves.

  • Vanilla Lice
    May 4, 2020 at 9:30 pm

    I used to roll thru the North End of The ‘Field in my 5.0 like it was A1A. Hoodboogers like this always wanted to race me in their Civics with coffee can mufflers. looks like they never learn. At least we know st springtime in Springfield when the ghetto hippos get frisky!

  • The Vorlon
    Kosh Naranek
    May 4, 2020 at 9:28 pm

    My kingdom for a super powered taser.

  • Guinea Geisha
    May 4, 2020 at 9:25 pm

    Ironically… fatties have a better chance at winning Spin The Bottle.

  • Crazy Eyez Killa
    May 4, 2020 at 8:55 pm

    Bitches can’t handle the streets!

  • Bob
    May 4, 2020 at 8:05 pm

    Right

  • Some fukkah
    May 4, 2020 at 7:40 pm

    Gotta give fat boy credit bulls hat dude at least a foot taller with much longer reach than his t-rex arms and he still stepped up. Half the people crapping on him here probably would have run away or pulled a gun. He got smushed but at least he wasn’t a coward

  • Murder Hornet
    May 4, 2020 at 7:25 pm

    Someone should have poured a bag of fentanyl laced
    tortilla chips on the ground.

  • Congratulations on the first six weeks
    May 4, 2020 at 6:04 pm

    On the positive side, quarantine did work well for the first six weeks. This is only the beginning of more ghetto brawls, DV calls, and FUPA falls.

  • Pol pot head
    May 4, 2020 at 5:55 pm

    Is it me or were they running some type of boot leg fight?

  • Lee Ho
    May 4, 2020 at 5:55 pm

    I can’t believe this took place in Springfield, I didn’t see one knife or gun.

  • ESPN
    May 4, 2020 at 5:24 pm

    In the absence of major sports on TV right now, maybe ESPN could air a full two hours of this on the Deuce. The color commentary might be something special.

  • Captain Trips
    Captain Trips
    May 4, 2020 at 5:14 pm

    Love the one smoking right by the pumps

  • whatevuh
    whatevuh
    May 4, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    The really gross part of all this, one of those guys is probably fuckin’ that tonight LMAO Because, hey, any port in a storm, know what I mean?

  • Uncle Kraft
    May 4, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    Social distancing has brought Jewish diddlers down 2% if only rabbis could stop sucking babies dicks the big Apple wouldn’t look like the big oven.

  • The Spic Tormentor
    Spic Tormentor
    May 4, 2020 at 4:50 pm

    If führer Baker is going to fine people $300 for not wearing masks, then there should also be a $300 reduction of welfare benefits for wearing sweatpants in public.

  • Shallow Hal
    May 4, 2020 at 4:40 pm

    The sharing of this video should be illegal in 39 states.

  • Chip Striker
    May 4, 2020 at 4:37 pm

    When the female guttermonsters engage in combat that is a clear sign that mating season is upon us. These battles usually take place in ghetto hot spots such as Walmart, Popeyes or any encloses Mall. To see them battle outside of these hot spots is rare and should be viewed as a treat.

    #blowuptheghettoes

  • Mayor of Halloween Town
    May 4, 2020 at 4:32 pm

    Real human beings shouldn’t have a body shape like mine. I’m a cartoon!

  • murdochpatsymcreynolds
    The Notorious P.I.G.
    May 4, 2020 at 4:09 pm

    I love it when you call me Pig Poppa.

  • Judge dread
    May 4, 2020 at 3:58 pm

    Fat fuck boy should have used his weight to his advantage and charged him like a bull. Then flatten him on the ground and smother him in his smegma filled gut flaps.

  • Problems with a Aeropostale order
    May 4, 2020 at 3:55 pm

    I would have turned on the gas pump,jammed the handle open,
    and gotten the hell out of there. A Springfield BBQ that even
    Spic Tormentor would be proud of!!

    • Snarky Pete
      May 4, 2020 at 4:13 pm

      You wanna start a grease fire???????

    • The Spic Tormentor
      Spic Tormentor
      May 4, 2020 at 4:55 pm

      Oh yeah. Wouldn’t take long for one of those primates to toss a newport and roast up that crew like a plantáin.

      • Judge dread
        May 7, 2020 at 9:34 am

        That’s one of the funniest comments I’ve read all week. Well done.

  • george costanza
    The angry taint
    May 4, 2020 at 3:53 pm

    Fucking hysterical!

  • Detective Joe Friday
    May 4, 2020 at 3:48 pm

    My partner and I witnessed that little torchlight picnic you threw last night, we’re gonna put you where your kind always ends up – in a seven by seven foot grey-green metal cage in the fifteenth floor of some hundred-year-old penitentiary, with damp, stinking walls and a wooden plank for a bed. Sure, this city isn’t perfect, we need a smut-free life for all of our citizens; cleaner streets, better schools, and good hockey team. But the big difference between you and me, mister, is you made the promise, and I’m going to keep it.

  • Senor Trump
    May 4, 2020 at 3:47 pm

    They are not sending us their best

  • Honky Tormentor
    May 4, 2020 at 3:46 pm

    Spic Tormentor would agree with me by saying That if the chubby one would’ve just dropped himself on top of the pony tailed one, he would have won the fight.

  • Pistachio Disguisee
    Pistachio Disguisee
    May 4, 2020 at 3:44 pm

    Bunch of pussies in Springfield…..can we get a video of someone who can actually defend themselves???

    • please reference
      May 4, 2020 at 3:57 pm

      Springfield woman who hit her bf with a car outside the funeral home followed by him beating her it was a cozy little video

  • new normal
    May 4, 2020 at 3:42 pm

    those are winstons.

  • hartf811
    General Robert E.
    May 4, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    And you wonder why all of the social tracing hasn’t been divulged by the administration or the media. We know that Orange Man Bad is trying to kill Black and Brown people by denying them the PPE and Ventilators. But why is Chelsea, Lynn, Lawrence, Springfield, Woosta, Chicopee, Fall River, New Bedford and the Nubian Enclave of DorroxmattaIraq, contracting Covid-19 faster than the lily-white towns? Because they are chock full of these gutterhogs who wont follow rules, see the stimulus as 2020’s Obamaphone scam to transfer money to Diego to make the sows more palatable late at night are fat, diabetic and dirty. LET THE VIRUS KILL THEM OFF as planned parenthood doesn’t have the same effect as the Shitstain community.

  • al capoon
    May 4, 2020 at 3:38 pm

    spics and coons….all baboons

  • Captain Kilgore
    May 4, 2020 at 3:36 pm

    I love the smell of undocumented Democrats, Newport’s, EBT cards, fentanyl and Henney in the morning. It smells like….like Springfield

  • Eric Wunschel
    Steve Irwins ghost
    May 4, 2020 at 3:27 pm

    So, I don’t know MA very well. Is Springfield where you keep all of your zoo animals?

    • Boognish was rising up from the mist
      May 4, 2020 at 3:49 pm

      Yes, this is one of the places.
      You will also find them in fine cities such as Lowell, Lawrence, Fall River, New Bedford and Brockton.

  • Si' if de only war da makxs
    May 4, 2020 at 3:24 pm

    • Mawty Makes a Max
      May 4, 2020 at 3:28 pm

      I defy any virus to penetrate that T Shirt Mask!! We’re all safe now yayyy, it’s better then a cure and so stylish!! ta ta for now

  • That’s pornography
    May 4, 2020 at 3:20 pm

    Jesus Chris unc, that tub o goo in the blue is showing quite a stomach vagina in one of those stills, six pics from bottom. You might need to blur that out. Vomit inducing.

  • Chip Striker
    May 4, 2020 at 3:11 pm

    Two heavyweight bouts on the same card!!!

    Just wipe these animals out.

    #blowuptheghettoes

  • Fast Eddie
    May 4, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    These fucking liberal cunts are wondering why this virus has a high percentage in lower class minority shithole areas??? COVID-19 is getting a bad rap from these cunts and it cannot sweep through Ghetto-ville fast enough.

  • ANGRY GIANT
    May 4, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Smoking a butt in front of the gasoline pump: in Springfield, the fire marshal needs a SWAT team.

  • UTI
    May 4, 2020 at 3:09 pm

    Well, you said you were a runner, so I’m not surprised we’re back to the race blogs.

  • Eric Wunschel
    Mr. Miyagi
    May 4, 2020 at 2:59 pm

    Ghetto Sumo wrestling needs to be a sport.

Comment on this Post

RELATED POSTS
All-Star Worcester Parents Lay Siege To School Bus, Beat Up Bus Driver, Then Write Magnificent Things On Facebook
Comments From The Worcester Parent Bus Riot Blog Were Borderline Orgasmic
Hot Girl Threatening To Sue Turtleboy Sports Over Busgate, City Council Still Hasn’t Even Mentioned It